Adventures of Fabulous Suz

Loving My Baby

2011-09-05T00:24:00.001-06:00

For the majority of the population, it goes without saying that you love your children dearly. They are an amazing creation that leaves you shocked and amazed at your own capacity to love. When Starbuck was born, I kept waiting for that feeling. I loved her and cared a lot about her, but I didn't feel overwhelmed by these feelings. For a while, I even questioned myself on how much I loved her and thought that I needed to love her more because something didn't feel right. I was congratulated on becoming another member of the "having your heart walking around outside yourself" club, but I didn't feel it. Where was the love?

If you know me, this may seem incredibly odd. I'm quite sentimental, sappy, gushy, lovey, and especially, emotional. I thought I should be hearing alarm bells, but I didn't feel alarmed at not feeling the love either. I just thought it was strange, and though I questioned myself, I did not ever think that I didn't love my baby. I kept waiting for it.

One night, I decided to let loose and get crazy. A little bit of this and a little bit of that and I was happy, tipsy, loopy, whatever you want to call it. To my shock and dismay, however, I couldn't stop crying. It took me a while as my brain was fuzzy, but I figured out why - it was the love. I had finally let my guard down and all this love was overwhelming and scary and, quite frankly, too much for little ol' me to deal with. It was HUGE*. The biggest feeling I have ever felt in my life and I couldn't even comprehend it all at once.

So now, I just have to know the love is there and keep my guard up. I'd be a wreck if I felt that love every moment of every day. I don't know that I could actually function. I'm practicing being able to feel little bits of that love at my leisure when I have time and the fortitude to withstand its power.

_______________________________________________
* That's what she said.

Rural Life

2011-08-07T23:17:00.000-06:00

I've been asked a few times lately about how I'm enjoying my small town. It's been over a year now and the novelty should have worn off by now.

Well, I still think it's where I need to be, where we need to be. There is still a lot less stress in my life because of living in a small town. I need that. I need to be able to keep focused on the important things - my family. I promised Cheruby in my wedding vows that he and our children would always come first. I need to figure out how to do that with minimal distraction so I can do it when there is distraction. In most cases, distraction for me is promising all my time to doing things for others and taking out my frustration on my family because they'll forgive me (see also, depression). Starbuck is most of our world right now and that's how it should be. I still feel pangs of guilt for not being a better friend and making the effort to spend time with the people I care about, but mostly, I know that they're good with where I need to be right now. And if they aren't, it's not my fault (that's huge for me).

I believe it is a great place to start my family. People in the community know who we are and think Starbuck is adorable and will, essentially, look out for us more so than city communities of which I've been a part. I'm looking forward to being able to trust that letting my child play outside by herself won't endanger her life significantly. There's always a possibility, but chances are she will be just fine. I'm pleased that she will have to walk three whole blocks to school and the line up of cars outside the school for picking up kids won't be insane like I've seen in Calgary. I hope it'll be easier to keep her from learning grown up things too quickly, but I'm not set on that. It's just easier to hope for in a small town.

Cheruby and I are also growing as people. We are learning what it means to be part of a community. I love it. When you invest your time and energy and yes, a little money, into your community, you get back all those things and the knowledge that they will be there for you if you ever need ANYTHING. When we forget to take our garbage can to the alley, the garbage man comes to our deck to take it. When we need a truck to haul something, we have had several offers of, "You can use mine whenever you want." When the local art gallery was just getting ready to open, the proprietor tentatively asked for help painting. What she got was a first coat, a second coat, and extensive clean up of the building - probably 80 hours of free labour with a smile. Cheruby was asked to play at the local dance recital and accepted - his violin student played first and then he played a number. The grin on Cheruby's face when he returned was outstanding. Giving of oneself without expectation of reward is easier learned in a community, I think.

A small shout out to rural life for being cheaper than the city although it shouldn't be the major motivation for moving to a small town. There has to be more to it.

The price to be paid for community is that everyone has to know your business. If you have nothing intensely personal to hide, it's no big deal. Coming into a community with a solid marriage and a baby on the way was perfect - no demons hiding in the closets that can be brought to light at anyone in the community's choosing. I have to keep my feelings about new people I've met to myself. New and good skill for me to have learned.

Having said all that, I miss the city. I miss like-minded people. I miss not holding my tongue because someone's going to think I'm too different. I miss being able to go movies, swimming year round, concerts, plays, boardgames, and all kinds of other things, on short notice. Of course, all my time is spent with my beautiful Starbuck these days so I'm just missing the opportunity to do these things. I wouldn't be doing most of them if I lived in the city right now, anyway.

I don't miss having someone break into my house, trying to steal Cheruby's car, breaking the windows in his car, breaking into my garage and stealing our bikes, being threatened with a $10,000 fine for not having eaves troughs, and rush hour traffic.

I have a 22.5 minute drive to work and it's predictable and easy and gloriously quiet if I want it to be. I get to see sunrises and sunsets and stars and wildlife all the time unhampered by tall buildings and city lights. The people at the store and at the post office and at the bank and at the insurance place and the art gallery know who we are.

I saw a little boy on a riding lawn mower pulling a small trailer with two friends and some garbage to the dump on their own. I like that. I will never see that in the city.

In the end, it's all about us - especially her.

Christmas Reflection

2010-12-24T16:10:00.003-06:00

It is a time of year when reflection on the past is paramount. We get in touch with people that we maybe feel we've neglected, we find sentiment in the Christmas decorations box, and we are filled with hope for the future. At least, these are the good traits of Christmas. The memories can't all be good and the outlook for the future may seem bleak for some. It's all a part of life.

This year is particularly special because I have been blessed in the past year with the courage to make some big changes in my life. I am a happier person and this is no small part to the support of my wonderful husband, Cheruby, and my parents as always and all those people I would call friends. The wealth of wonderful people I have as part of my life cannot be compared to any amount of money. I have become richer this year with less money because I have been able to slow down and enjoy the fortune I have in the people I've met over the years. I don't think there's a way to show everyone (yes, including you) how much I appreciate every smile you have brought to my face just by being you.

The happiness to hear joy and peace in a friend's voice or see a picture where the glow of feeling good is unmistakable - those are the best gift in the world. Being allowed to be a friend and help make someone feel valued and special is a very close second, but it's a privilege that has to be accepted with respect and honour. Thank you for letting me be your friend.

The Waiting Game

2010-12-14T10:07:00.001-06:00

This could go on for weeks, this waiting. I might just go a little crazy with the waiting, but it's doing the house a lot of good. It's never been this organized or clean. I could still be at it for weeks without much trouble, I'm sure.

The baby's room and stuff is all organized and catalogued where it came from so I can properly thank all the extremely generous people in my life. The laundry is all done including all the blankets and sheets and towels and everything that's been waiting to be washed since we moved. The bags for the hospital are mostly packed - still can't find my ducky slippers. The car is vacuumed and the car seat installed, albeit we have no idea whether it's done properly. The Christmas tree is up and makes the house smell fabulous. I've made myself a few blankets and baby things which made my Cheruby grin from ear to ear.

And some of the things that are still swimming in my mind to do:

organize my office
organize the basement
hang up the remaining plants
make roman shades for all the windows
decorate the Christmas tree
wrap presents
take pictures of the house for those who haven't seen it yet and post them
put together our family/friend pictures for display in the living room
organize all the music on my computer in anticipation of a new iPod
consolidate all my contact information for people I know into one list
play Indiana Jones Lego on the Wii (so been neglecting this one)
enjoy these last days of being pregnant - I do so love my pregnant belly
bake some Christmas cookies which is harder to do when I don't want to eat them

The lady at the post office said that it wouldn't be time until I was jumping off the furniture to clean the ceilings. That's not on the list yet so it may still be a few weeks. I think December is a good time for the waiting game - so much to do.

There is hoarfrost on the trees this morning and it's supposed to be zero degrees today. There are little things every day that are worth noticing.

Being Beautiful

2010-11-09T19:01:00.000-06:00

I read a blog post today and it was beautiful. It was filled with hope and being completely embraced by moments in time. I'm glad he took the time to write it down and share with the rest of us. A small thank you to you. It reminded me of the small moment this morning when I first saw the blanket of white outside the window. I felt joy in spite of myself as my recent nights and days have not be great.

I shared that moment of happiness with my Cheruby later which eased his heart a little. I'm very glad I could give that to him before we are separated for five days.

Having moments of beauty happen all the time around us. Noticing and remembering those moments are keys to my happiness.

Time is Ticking

2010-11-06T23:44:00.000-06:00

While my world is constantly changing because of this baby inside, I am trying to experience as much as possible before the big event.

I've had my fab mother-in-law visit us quite a bit. She gave me a big thank you and a compliment - she felt comfortable here. That's probably the best thing she could have said to me. She's so funny and I love having her around. I've learned a lot about her life and it's been awesome. I have so much respect for her and still don't want to disappoint her in some way. It's getting easier to be myself, but understanding her better makes my fear of disappointment lessen.

My last gaming trip was last month. It was a short trip, but oh so wonderful. I really enjoyed the game. I'm afraid that I really do suck at rules for LARPs and at being manipulative and conniving and deliberately trying to screw people over, but I love the role-playing. I love putting myself in another person's skin. My character being pregnant was good for me to work out some fear of losing my baby. I dealt with it when my character accepted it. And there were a few people who were kind of sick for the last game and didn't come because they didn't want to make me sick. I REALLY appreciated that. I have been trying so hard to get sick.

And I made some huge decisions about my business that felt great. I have decided against the usual strategy in favour of one that I'm comfortable with. I don't want to lose any of my friends over it and am not going to risk them anymore. I will not be afraid to talk to my friends because I feel like I should be pushing my business with them. As well as some great meetings with the bank and lots of support from Cheruby and my upline, I'm feeling so pumped about it. Every day is as great as I make it. And today, there was lots of sleeping with the cats, bologna sandwiches, and watching Avatar. Forty-nine days until these days are past and I'm going to enjoy every moment I can. I will be able to enjoy the days after that in a completely new way.

I've been making more time for friends too. Friends are so important to me and yet, I haven't been making enough time for them. I know it's allowed when life is busy with other things, but just spending time with people for the sake of enjoying their company is awesome. I got to see friends that I haven't seen in over two years in the past month or so. It's been so wonderful and makes for more peace in me.

Lots of travel planned in the next couple weeks - seeing more people that I won't get to see for a while. Very much looking forward to December.

Spending Time with Leonard Cohen

2010-10-23T16:10:00.002-06:00

A few years ago, my mom took me to see Leonard Cohen in concert. She was over the moon about going and I was primarily going with her because I wanted to watch her during the show. I had no real vested interest in seeing Leonard. I had a version of him singing "Closing Time" which was, at that tempo, a 7 minute song so I was usually bored of the song before it was done. Suffice to say, I had very low expectations of the concert itself. And definitely not prepared for the experience.

I remember being a bit awestruck. I didn't end up watching mom that much because I was so enjoying the show. His voice, the adoration from the crowd, the music, the poetry. It was so much more than I had hoped for.

Today, I went through the CDs in the car because I was sick of the radio ads. And there was the Leonard Cohen Live In London CD I got after the concert. I was in the perfect mood for it. There wasn't a lot of ad-lib to the banter (the same in London as in Saskatoon) in between songs, but I enjoyed that too. I found myself smiling and having the same reactions I had sitting in my seat at the concert.

In the midst of my enjoying the memories and the music, this line struck me.
"There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."
I remember it striking me that night too, but not nearly as strongly as I did today. There's so much truth in that. I searched through the different meanings it could have, and there were a few and all of them applied to me. I'm always looking for ways to remember that it's okay to not be my idea of perfect. This covered them all and in a particularly beautiful way. I want to remember this everyday. To remember it when I'm fighting with myself and others. To remember it when I have set expectations of myself. To remember it when I think I'm a horrible mom. This line gives me so much hope in myself for who I can and want to be.

I had moments through out the CDs that made me reflect on my relationships with my friends, my mom, and repeatedly, my husband. He recites a poem that almost every time I hear it, I cry. As all his songs are poetry. He sometimes sings "A Thousand Kisses Deep", but I do love his recitation from the concert. I love how the crowd stops all their noise by the end of the third verse to just listen. It's so moving.

Thanks to Leonard for making my drive today a little less lonely and making me feel so much hope.

Fashion

2010-10-04T00:20:00.003-06:00

I recently had the incredible experience of being with one of my best friends during her first fashion show. Watching someone you've known forever get one giant step closer to their dream is inspiring and humbling and utterly wonderful.

Fashion is weird. Some designers don't mean for their clothes to be worn, I think. Why else would they design this? Yes, it was inspired by fencing which I think it cool, but utterly unwearable. And then there was the skirts out of window screen mesh which looked like one of those old plastic lampshades with the perma-ruffle in hard plastic. Maybe it's just not for me.

I don't want to be mean because this creation is also part of someone's dream. My eyes were bugging out of my head with incredulity at some of the garments coming down the runway. Why does some fashion have to be on the wrong side of funky? Couldn't there be a little more thought put into each piece to make it wearable AND inspired by fencing? Again, maybe that's just me. I don't really know how to make art without making it functional art.

My fashion includes comfort by well-fitted clothes that flatter with a bit of flare. And I don't mean pin on buttons with cute sayings.

Baby, Baby, Baby

2010-09-23T00:57:00.003-06:00

Eeeep! My lovely (I really mean that - I love her) mother-in-law took Cheruby and I shopping today for baby stuff. I haven't been letting myself buy anything so it was really hard for me to actually keep stuff in hand, but it was so terribly exciting and everything is so cute!

We did get a travel system with a stroller and a car seat which fits in the stroller. I think it's awesome. I had just planned on a car seat for now and not the stroller until spring, but I'm not one to say no to a gift that I had secretly wanted, but didn't think we could get just yet. I also wanted to check out carriers and slings to see what's around. I've been researching them a lot and there are soo many. Good advice from the doula today was to wait until we have the baby and then go around and try them on. We laughed today about the store needing to have babies around for trying them on. I said I wasn't sure since everyone's preference is personal, but she said that it's not only Cheruby and me that need to make the decision, but baby is going to have a say as well.

Noooooooooooo...

We also got some really cute outfits with strange looking giraffes and other aminals on them. Cheruby was objecting to the giraffes, but I really like them. I like hippopotamuses and giraffes and ducks, not necessarily in that order. I also really like purple things and green (sagey) things for the baby. And I HATE pale pastel coloured things. Why would people want to make their children look like someone vomited cotton candy allover them? Get me some skull baby clothes any day. Did I mention the reversible little shoes with either angel mice or devil mice on them? I loves thems. Yes, that is light pink. Hush. :)

Cheruby announced to his mom today, as we were trying out different carriers, that I was having a baby. It was really cute.

And cribs are only $100 at IKEA! I was so happy to see this. I don't need to spend a lot of money on sleeping arrangements that my child(ren) will not remember. It seems so pointless, even though the expensive ones are quite pretty.

Third trimester starts on Sunday and the pressure is building. I can still see my waist although it's a completely different shape. Of course, I have to be wearing a shirt that doesn't stretch across the front of my boobs obscuring everything below from view. I really can't eat much because there is no room, but sooo hungry and grumpy if I can't eat.

And we had our first meeting with our doula today and just talked about babies and stuff and thoughts about birth and how things are going. She's very cute and the conversation today was much more relaxed than our first meeting. I enjoyed it a lot more and feel reassured in our decision to hire her. She brought up some very good points that I really appreciated and wouldn't have thought of. I felt good getting it off my chest that she was like a wedding planner for me. I had a fabulous wedding day because I wasn't stressed out about the details. Someone else was in charge of that. She's not specifically planning my birth, but listening to what I want and giving me ideas on what Cheruby and I might want. She's going to be in control of the details so that I can concentrate on what it's all about for me that day - giving birth. And she's going to be a trusted source of information for me so that I know I'm getting all the options given whatever circumstances come up - good or bad. She likes to micromanage. In this case, I'm not only comfortable with that, but happy with it. We joked about me changing my mind when push comes to shove and she's willing to take the birth plan and throw it away if it's not working for us. I was a little nervous about that given one other story I heard. AND we tried to figure out how to sneak one of our kitties into the hospital to help be in a relaxed state. LOL I'd like to have one of these extravagant rooms, but I think that might be over the top. Heh.

Cheruby and I also came a lot closer to making a decision about our wills and our child(ren). It was a long, but exciting, fruitful day.

And on top of all this joyfulness, Cheruby felt the little one move for the first time last night. I think it was punching because of where the movement was on my belly. So frakkin' thrilled!

Today, I'm very, very happy with my choices.

Feels Like Yesterday

2010-09-07T13:52:00.003-06:00

One year of marriage. I have become more in love with my husband than ever. And he has said the same to me. While we did not dress up like zombies, we did behave like geeks. Board games with friends, Cheruby's fantastic stew (potatoes, carrots, peas from his garden), and a little bit of BSG. It was a totally wonderful day even though we were both in very peculiar moods.

In the past year, we have started a business, got a dog, sold a house, become debt free, been without a home for a month, bought a house in a village, moved, decided to have a baby and become pregnant. I didn't realize until just now how busy we've been. It explains a lot about why I don't feel as connected to my friends as I did before, but I spend every day with my best friend.

And still, the wedding feels like yesterday. It was such a wonderful day! Even the part where I said, "WHAT?!?!" during the ceremony. I'm glad I could just laugh at how silly I was, being so focused on trying to remember my vows.

I think we've been celebrating our marriage every day. Maybe that's why we didn't need to make yesterday a special celebration. We take time to tell each other the important things and have learned things about each other and ourselves in the past year. We've been able to spend so much time, just the two of us, that it didn't need to be that way on our anniversary. I'm sure that will change in the years to come, but this year was the way it was and I'm very grateful for it.

Rearrange

2010-08-28T12:33:00.000-06:00

My mom was right, I am no longer in control. And I will not be in control ever again in my life. LOL

I was supposed to go on a trip yesterday, but Cheruby and I decided that I was in no shape to go anywhere so I must sleep. So I did.

Then I was supposed to go today, but logistics being what they are, it is better for me to go tomorrow. So I wait another day.

All the while, the quickening has been going on and feeling oh, so very strange.

Back at the ranch, things are great. We had a heated discussion about whether boobs are inherently sexy. I think our difference comes down to "inherently" and "sexy" definitions being off more than anything else. In the end, we understood each other. I think it was the first heated discussion we've ever had where I didn't end up getting emotionally involved which was bizarre in itself.

Did I mention that one of my best friends has a fashion show in September? I'm so happy for her. She's giddy and I'm ecstatic for her. This is her dream and here it comes. I've always taken her my sewing projects because I knew I didn't have time and from her being so excited about sewing something cool, she has actually started getting more commissions. She's making her dreams come true and I got some cool clothes. I don't think I can afford her anymore though. ::wink::

Life is truly what you make of it. Don't wait for change to happen - make it happen. We are the most powerful force in our own lives.

Seeing My Daughter

2010-08-26T01:38:00.002-06:00

Well how about that, I saw my daughter today for the first time. The technician was 80% sure that's what the baby is.

I was almost overwhelmed with nervousness and excitement before the ultrasound. I didn't know what to expect, but knew that this was the first opportunity for us to see that our baby was normal or not. Worried about the latter, but trusting it would be the former. I was a ball of emotions waiting to burst.

We started out with Cheruby making some jokes and making me laugh and jiggle. That screwed up the ultrasound picture every time, but the tech was awesome and just went with it. She was great. Cheruby said, "Hey, it's got my femur!" That made the tech chuckle as she hadn't heard that one before. Throughout the whole routine, he was making jokes and we were both fascinated with the screen and watching every image and movement.

It took Cheruby a while to realize that he was seeing the baby move quite a bit. I figured out only a little bit sooner only because I knew when I was moving and when the tech was moving, leaving the only other option for movement on the screen to be baby. What a wonderful experience.

We got to see her feet and her kidneys and her little nose and her little lips. The spine was always alienesque whenever she moved by it. H.R. Giger had definitely seen an ultrasound of an unborn child. Like every other ultrasound, we have a very cute alien.

I hear a little bit of high pitched alien squealing with this image.

As my mother-in-law said, "I love her already."

Eclipse

2010-08-23T17:25:00.001-06:00

To start, I haven't had that much fun LARPing in a long time. I finished the last of the hand sewing on my under dress in the car. I didn't even get started on the outer layer, but that's a project for this month before the next game. I also figured that the dress was mostly done, but didn't really have any definition anywhere so I made a chainmaille belt that had a long dangly bit in the front as was the fashion in medieval times. I hope that I get to see the pictures The Whole Show took soon. I also managed to do my hair in the car.

While the theme of the game is faeries, the costuming was all over the place. I am definitely in the group that wants power. And as such, I went with traditional medieval style dress. There were a few others, but there were some that were definitely not. Like a real cutie in red underwear and a long mesh dress. And I'm not talking subtle mesh. What an ass! ::insert knuckle biting here:: I liked the amount of PVC and the Boots. The Boots were definitely another drool factor.

All in all, I think the game went very well. Roleplaying in this particular system is so easy because you don't have to really break character to do a challenge. Unless you are a noob like me who had to read the rules through when doing a challenge with another rules noob. We still had a lot of fun. I failed at my original goal, but the intent of that goal (to gain more holdings) was met in another fashion. YAY! And now, I have another worthy goal. All in all, it's a ton of fun to make people think you are something you're not.

I have a lot more planning and thinking to do before the next game. It's very unfortunate for the storyteller that I really don't care about the dead character whose murder we are supposed to be trying to solve. I think my character is happier now that she's dead more than anyone, but no one else needs to know that. Of course, I don't think anyone should trust a "nice" sidhe.

Craving Music

2010-08-19T13:11:00.000-06:00

The first thing I craved in this pregnancy was music. I typically listen to my bubblegum station, but it made me nauseated. I followed my instincts immediately because no one likes feeling nauseated, and flipped through the dial. Relief swept over me as I heard some Tea Party. I had found the city's "source for new rock, the best of the 90's, along with the biggest classic rock". Yep, those are the sounds of relief and relaxation for a pregnant me. Go figure.

Music is very personal subject for my Cheruby. He hates pop music and cherishes his classical (and most other styles). He cringes when I call everything classical, but I don't know any better. And maybe it's kind of fun for me to push that button of his. :D He is impressed when he can tell that the music takes some talent to produce. The musically uneducated masses don't really have that criterion. We listen and pick music we like because it's pleasant or makes us feel a certain way or annoys our parents.

I believe I've mentioned my emotional filter previously and music is no exception. Cheruby would really love it if I would learn to love his classical music, but we don't know where to start. Most of it is boring to me (elicits no emotional response), some of it is perfectly awful (my shoulders tense within seconds and give me a headache within a minute), and a rare piece is glorious (fills me with whirling emotions that I get to figure out and enjoy). I truly love being able to describe my emotions and create similes and metaphors about where the music has taken me. Unfortunately, my emotional response to music rarely coincides with the technical expertise it takes to create that music.

The best part about musical craving is that I know the part that music plays in our lives will just get bigger. Now, to find someone who will tune the whole piano and not just two octaves around middle C.

A Little Change

2010-08-16T18:12:00.002-06:00

I love looking at my new blog. It makes me quite happy and I know I still have some stuff to figure out with the layout.

Right now, I have Echo and Lazarus sleeping on the bed next to me while I write. There is some delectable chocolate chip banana bread for snacking and a Delirium Tremens glass filled with cream soda to quench my thirst. It is a moment of perfection.

The best thing that pregnancy has given me is forgiveness for little mistakes. Part of my on-going battle with depression is the little mistakes that I make that no one but me cares about. When left alone to think and be alone in my head, these are the clubs with which I beat myself. Time and again the odd person, who typically doesn't know me well, will say that I need to be kinder to myself. The look of concern they give me tells me that they know my secret. The anger at myself for making mistakes that fuels the beatings, can also be turned outward at those I love and care for. It turns outward when there is so much that I can't even think about how much I loathe my mistakes and I have to prove to myself that others aren't perfect either. I pick on them. Which is a self-fulfilling act of making mistakes which makes me angry with myself which turns outwards.

Without trying and without asking, the baby inside me has given me a reason to be forgiven for all those little mistakes. I am truly happier being me than I ever have been in my life. I'm not saying it has stopped entirely because that would be wishful thinking. And how do I stop doing something that I have been doing for the past 34 years?

I am still on my medication and I'm still actively working on staying this mentally healthy and not taking it for granted. I appreciate that this amnesty has occurred. It has brought me peace in so many ways.

My husband said to me today, "I'm glad I married you." I'm glad I married him too.

Still ME

2010-08-14T00:45:00.001-06:00

Yes, this is still me, the fabulous Suz. I just felt like a change to the look of my personal space on the interweb. I've been stagnant for a while, at least online, and the furniture is too heavy to move for me now.

Big weekend of Twilight Imperium. We have guests from Calgary and some from Saskatoon. It's going to be a great weekend!

Whatcha doin'?

2010-08-11T23:37:00.014-06:00

The world is a full and amazing place.

Today, I confronted feelings of fear, sadness, and inadequacy about my knowledge of what I need to know to have a birth that I celebrate rather than survive. How did the confrontation go? I cried myself to sleep and waited for the hormonal imbalance to pass - for the WIN! It was a pretty decent afternoon nap.

I should also say that I asked friends for help and guidance, emailed knowledgeable experts for more information and had my husband relay to me his abstract expectation for labour and delivery. He thinks that he's going to be bored. ::grin:: I didn't bother to contradict him because how would I rightly know? I haven't done this before either.

I've also been sewing a costume and making plans to make some receiving blankets and roman blinds for the windows to help keep the cold out in the winter.

Business is going well, but I welcome any chance to talk about it that I can. I hate being pushy so it might take me a while to bring it up.

The furry kids are doing well.

We are 85% unpacked and 20% disorganized. Still can't find one of the leg bolts for one of our tables.

Cheruby and I finished quite a few of our co-op video games, watched the complete LOST series, and I finally have him watching Doctor Who. After that, we move onto Buffy the Vampire Slayer. YAY! Any suggestions for new series we should watch?

We took a family vacation on a houseboat for 7 days with my parents, brother and his kids. I hadn't slept for a couple nights before we left so the trip had a tremulous start, other than the constant rocking motion. We felt that rocking motion for a couple days after we got home and were laying down to sleep - quite surreal. I even have pictures and will show them to you!

My dad lighting a lantern that floated up and into the sky over the lake.

Lovely little critter den in the forest.

Someone else's idea of creepy. Oh! And I collected some critter vertebrae for some nefarious purpose in the future.

Cheruby thought this area of the forest felt "wrong".

Cheruby, unfortunately, lost his wedding band in Tobin Lake. He was swimming and the waves were kind of big cuz there was lots of wind. Apparently, the coolness of the lake shrunk his finger enough for the ring to just slip right off. He felt it fall. With the not great weather, which lasted pretty much all night, the lake bottom had to have claimed its prize. That didn't stop him from trying to find for many hours. It had never even threatened to fall off before so it was completely unexpected. A reward has been offered on Nipawin's Kijiji site. Anyone got a good metal detector?

The kids were taught many new games like poker, black jack, liar's dice, and Small World. You might have noticed some heavy Red Dead Redemption influence there. Cheruby was doing most of the teaching. We all lazed about and did crafts or word puzzles or sudoku. Cheruby fell asleep in the sunshine on the top deck, had his face stuck to the vinyl and kind of burnt it a little from that. It's peeling now. Heh. And speaking of peeling, my mom accidentally flashed Cheruby with the new boob that used to be back flesh. Mom and I can't giggle enough over this while Cheruby just doesn't really know what to think because he had no idea what he saw. Next year, we're getting a newer boat with a hot tub and a slide into the lake - WOOT!

Cheruby's mom came to visit us for a bit and that was awesome. She was headed out to Vancouver then and will be back in September. She's so delightful and loved. I was struck by the oddity that was one of her going away parties at Amigo's - Cheruby's ex and her parents were there. Not even weird anymore, just one of those things that reinforces how special Cheruby's mom is to lots of people.

I had a fabulous trip to Calgary where I stayed with a dear friend. I felt that it was a really good visit. The first relaxed good visit we'd had in a very long time. It was overdue. So many wonderful people that I miss in Calgary and didn't have time to see due to the sleep day I took. Driving and peopling can be quite tiring.

There was an in and out trip to Edmonton for my auntie Cool's birthday. She's very wonderful and Cheruby had yet to meet the majority of my mom's family (being the youngest of 12 kids, that's a pretty easy feat). So with a compromise on my part, he was wrangled into coming. I enjoyed seeing everyone although I was feeling wretchedly ill so I wasn't a great conversationalist and wish I could have visited more. We also got to witness a great display of talent on the part of neuba's little one and his aim at his daddy. LOL That was at the end of May and feels like yesterday.

I keep thinking that I have more time before the baby gets here, but it's flying by in leaps and bounds. With the house being mostly unpacked, I'll be taking more pictures for dear TUO who really shouldn't visit in the winter - summer months and good days only so that we can sit on the lovely covered patio with beer. Next year, I can have beer. I miss it some days. Please everyone, have a drink for me when you are especially enjoying what you are drinking!

And that really can't be all, and probably isn't. I hope to see more of you sooner rather than later. I really do enjoy having a quiet life in the sticks.

Oh and one more thing - Cheruby is being published!!! One of his short stories was accepted with some glowing praise for his style. The magazine is called Dark Recesses and is mostly online, but you can get printed copies from Amazon.

A Tale of Two Friends

2010-07-01T04:41:00.006-06:00

Many years ago, I gave up on a friendship because I could not separate my need to fix my friend from actually being a friend. I gave so much of myself that I didn't know what was left anymore. I stopped calling and emailing. Unfortunately, I did not have the guts to tell my friend why which was very bad and not respectful of me. That decision and its consequences have stayed with me. At the time, it was the best choice I could make with the information I had and being too young to realize that I was not the centre of the universe.

Now, I'm in the other shoes with the difference being that I was told why. We were the best of friends. Movies, Coke, and Smarties until I was too wired to sleep for days with the partner in crime lolling off to dreamland at will. Baking soda biscuits being shipped across the country. Laughter, finishing each others' thoughts, telepathy only being broken once in a blue moon, crossword puzzles on the grass (on fabulous blankets, of course), drives with the car choosing the path, and so many other great times. Then I moved. When I moved back, I had expectations of myself that things would be just like they were - Saskatoon would be exactly as I left it and it would fit the same. It didn't. Change happened. The friendship was good, but different. I wanted to be perfect and couldn't. That's always a bad place to be so I took* from anyone who would give. I was awful to those I loved most and put on an exhausting show for everyone else that I could only keep up a quarter the time if that. Depression was hard to admit because it felt like failure. When I finally did realize how far down I was, it was too late. I'd taken too much. I was the one in need of fixing as I had thought of my other friend all those years before. The same choice has been made again because one can only give so much before there's nothing left.

It has been difficult to make peace with my friend's choice, but I hope I get it now. I can't be sure and that's harder, I think. I cannot change the past and I did the best I could at the time. I am sorry that someone I care about and who cared about me enough to give too much was caused so much distress. I do wish things could have been different, but they aren't. Another great friendship has dwindled, but is certainly worthy of Valinor.

________________________________________
*I don't know how to define what I took.

To Babble or Not to Babble

2010-06-29T23:05:00.003-06:00

So, this is pregnancy. Waking up at 5 hours of sleep to NEED to do something. Doing something and then sleeping for another 5 hours. Rambling thoughts that go everywhere, but when I try to remember where I've been, it's blank. No complete awareness of what's going on around me no matter how hard I concentrate at times. I don't trust myself driving. My memory is a sieve and I'm so not used to it - any of it. It consumed most of my waking thoughts - am I getting enough vitamins? have I already done irreversible damage? is it a boy or a girl? am I going to be strong enough when I need to be? will I remember the pain? will I resent my baby for the loss of time for me? can I trust myself?

Where Did I Go?

2010-06-05T20:15:00.003-06:00

I just realized that I missed some pretty major events in the lives of close friends of mine in the past few months. This seems to happen more frequently these days. I'll be the first to admit that I've been pretty caught up in my own life and not paying much mind to others. And by that, I mean on Facebook, because if I received a call or email from someone, I always made time to chat.

Facebook seems to have become too big for me. Yep, me - the woman who couldn't keep her computer off her lap for more than half an hour. I don't even know what over half my friends are doing even though statuses are being updated regularly, photos added, etc. I went through an exercise of looking through months of statuses on a few friends to find out how they've been and what they've been doing. Is it considered being a bad friend to not follow on Facebook? My friends are telling me (and all their other friends) exactly what they are up to all the time. There now seems to be a social obligation to find out through social networking - blogs, Facebook, Twitter, etc. rather than anything personal. Telling everyone means telling each individual even if the individual doesn't read it - bad non-reading friend. If it hadn't been for others, I wouldn't have known some friends were in Saskatoon from California and Calgary this weekend. I'm very grateful that I actually spoke to people who had noticed otherwise I might have missed the whole thing.

So in short, I think I was abducted by aliens for a while and had a pod person going through the motions for me. I have some sporadic memories, but mostly just boring stuff. Sorry everyone, I didn't mean to ignore you. Blame the aliens. ::grin::

Non-"Historical" House With History

2010-05-22T17:41:00.006-06:00

Cheruby went to the Harris museum the other day and found more information than our plaque provides on our house. Mostly it is information about who owned our house since it was built in 1927, but that includes some interesting information itself. There is even a picture of the building when it was a C.N.R. Station at Crystal Beach. Most of the other information is about Crystal Beach which was a lake that dried up in the 50s. The government pitched in some money for a swimming pool to keep the resort alive (it had events held there which 4000 people attended), but then a fire took the pavilion, dance hall, and concession. That's what really killed it.

The lot is 100" wide by 120" deep so we have a lot of space. It makes the house look proportionally sized to lot, not the ginormous 1420 sq. ft. bungalow that it is.

The potatoes and corn haven't started growing yet so we haven't erected the fence around the garden yet. Asparagus, peas, and carrots are yet to be planted. The previous owner left behind some raspberries, rhubarb, chives, and poppies. There are a few too many chives, but they'll be pretty when they bloom.

Cheruby is putting together a bookshelf while I write this. And then he's going to ask me to move so he can rearrange the living room.

The bathroom is off the kitchen which is a little odd, but serviceable so it doesn't really matter. And the carpets, in my opinion, all need to be replaced as I can continue to smell the previous occupants and their smoke.

Wish list of renos includes all new floors, painted walls in all the bedrooms, flooring other than concrete in the basement, all new closet structures, making the walls in the living room match (three different wall treatments), upgrading the furnace and water heater, installing air conditioning, repairing and repainting the soffits, insulating the garage/workshop, etc. Of course, the first two priorities are a/c and a new bedroom floor. I'll sleep even better at night.

The garage has a new tin roof. We agreed to buy the place with the crappy falling apart roof on the garage - this was a very pleasant surprise. It has a new wood stove as of four years ago and is quite large. It's more likely that we'll use this space as a workshop than garage.

There is also a carport type structure in the yard which we've decided to use as a picnic type area. Here's our view from said structure.

As we get the rooms cleaned up, I'll post more. I bought a jigsaw today and installed the cat door to the basement. It was awesome. I think I need more saws.

New House

2010-05-20T13:00:00.006-06:00

Our house's plaque.

Life in Harris is full of small town cliches. I wouldn't have imagined any of them to be true, but they are.

The post office lady is Sheila and she was at the bank when Cheruby was there so he came home for 15 minutes before heading to the post office to pick up a package. The local hotel doesn't actually let any rooms, it's just the bar. Our neighbour, Lila, brought us a cake and a dahlia yesterday. She went through the trouble of putting the cake on her own plate, but then immediately had to tell me that she didn't make the cake. She just tried to make it look like she made the cake. I was highly amused.

So one of our other neighbours is Norman. He just got back from the sunny, warm south somewhere. Apparently, quite a few folks just spend their summers here. And there is an old catholic church in town that's boarded up - it is occupied for one week a year when the owner and family/friends come up to go hunting.

We do need a restaurant in town. There's a story about the Harris Grill which is for sale, but it's asking price is too high so it just sits. Anyone interested in moving to Harris to open a restaurant? There are a few other properties for sale here. ::grin::

Janelle at the credit union is almost due so has just started training her replacement. It won't be long now.

The birds at 4 a.m. can be a bit raucous, but then, I'd rather have that than sirens or yelling people in the apartment building across the alley.

We have to protect our garden from the deer. Cheruby is learning to be a handyman and gardener. We bought a book called, "Back to Basics - A Complete Guide to Traditional Skills". Somebody's going to have to know these things especially how to craft a dulcimer.

There are few photos of inside the house yet because it still looks like a box storage place.

An mostly acceptable picture of the kitchen.

Arms Up and Wiggling!

2010-04-12T21:22:00.003-06:00

I just wanted to tell the world that I feel like doing a happy dance.

No reason.

Just happy dancing.

Project x365 Has Moved

2010-04-07T21:44:00.003-06:00

So it turns out that it's probably a good idea to keep these project posts on their own blog. And here it is: 33x365 by Suzi

It's been a crazy couple of weeks, but nice. We've been spending our money on things we haven't been able to afford since the wedding like this fabulous new game. We've played it many times with Kevy-poo and my brother and niece and nephew and just each other. It really is a great game for many different reasons. I can't wait to play it with some other game-lovin' folks.

Vegas and House Hunting

2010-03-30T13:54:00.006-06:00

No, I wasn't house hunting in Vegas, but I was in Las Vegas after house hunting. And there may have been some forgery involved to get what we wanted.

I was in Las Vegas for the Arbonne National Training Conference. I was not pleased to be in Las Vegas when there was so much to do at home, but I was promised that this was the conference to be at. And that was very true. I am incredibly happy that I was there for the conference and launch of the new products. It was really great training and I'm incredibly glad that I went.

And house hunting was exhausting some days and the realtors certainly had to get a sense of humour quick with us. For some reason, murder rooms were a hot topic. Heh. At least Cheruby and I had fun with it. And at the mention of moving to a small town, Clark teased me about needing to get some dead animals for the walls. I'm always a little sad when stereotypes are fulfilled, but this one made me laugh too hard to make it noteworthy. Complete with old beer fridge.

Just Do It

2010-03-30T01:12:00.003-06:00

Today is the first day of my just do it campaign. My husband and I are in midst of creating the life we want and why would I stop with just what we want! There is so much time in every day that I can be doing and creating my life so that I love every moment.

And my first command decision is a blog project that has been intriguing me for a long while now. I've been putting it off because I've always thought, "Not now, I know I won't keep it up." So here it is: 33x365. I don't want to wait until my birthday so it'll change to 34x365 when the time comes.

Time of My Life

2010-03-09T00:18:00.015-06:00

I couldn't think of a better, non-mushy, title. I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. I'll break it down as best as I can remember.

1. I love my business. I'm still passionate about it after months. Still scared, but still have the freedom to be me and be happy.
2. I love my husband. This should go without saying, but the past few months being at home with him have been amazing - more in love than ever.
3. Having twice as many animals as humans in the house is fabulous and furry. Josie has grown quite a bit.

4. Cheruby and I are fixing up the house to sell it so that we can buy a place just outside the city. And we don't like painting. We had quite a few reno angels who will forever be in my praises. The bathroom looks better than it has is a bazillion years. I'm very pleased with it.
5. ::wink::
6. My new hobby is making hats. I'll be taking requests soon. There are a few things that I have to work out first like moving. I'm incredibly excited. I even had a job offer in Alberta to make hats even though I'm not experienced. I had to say no because it's in Alberta, but I fantasized for a while about making hats for a living.
7. Have been catching up with so many old friends, it's unbelievable. I have time to spend on the things that matter - the people in my life. And I've been making new friends galore. Did I mention that I love my business?

Still having the best time of my life and am working very hard to keep it that way.

Coolest new find from David A. Carter. Thanks, LW!

All the books in the series are One Red Dot, Blue 2, 600 Black Spots, Yellow Square, and White Noise. I got overwhelmed at the beginning of 600 Black Spots and couldn't continue. I was so happily overwhelmed with the books. They are such a special bit of wonder. And what's really cool is that he even co-wrote a book, Elements Of Pop Up -
A Pop Up Book For Aspiring Paper Engineers, to help other people create such wonder!

Josie and the Pussycats

2009-12-19T00:31:00.012-06:00

Last Friday, we introduced a little puppy named Josie to our household. We now have a band of animals who we appreciate a lot and are getting along very nicely.

Three minutes of mighty puppy trying to come down the stairs. Be warned, she's impersonating Luke Skywalker.

And this is the first day we got her.

Her tail has already grown an inch. Her body length and leg length have also increased incredibly in the past week. She's already so much more coordinated. It's hard to believe my eyes!

The Pussycats are, in descending order of age, Smeagol (grey stripey coloured), Echo Six (melange stripey coloured), and Lazarus (black).

Their first album should be out in 2011 as Josie still has some vocal training to take her to the top!

And in memory of the band member who died of a drug overdose this summer, Misha. He taught the other Pussycats a lot including how to get into trouble and not get caught. That talent got out of hand. He is still dearly missed.

Great Weekends With Friends

2009-10-22T17:16:00.003-06:00

I helped a friend warm his new house by baking chocolate chip cookies. I really, really, really enjoyed these cookies that I yoinked from here.

*********
Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies
(from The Frog Commissary Cookbook)
1 cup butter, room temperature
1 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 large eggs
2 tbsp milk
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
2 1/2 cups oats (rolled or "quick," but not "instant")
2 cups chocolate chips (about 12-oz.)

Preheat the oven to 350F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
In a large bowl, cream together the butter and the sugars until mixture is light in color. Beat in the eggs one at a time, followed by the milk and the vanilla extract.
In a medium bowl, stir together the flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt. Either by hand or with the mixer on low speed, gradually beat the flour in to the sugar mixture until just incorporated.
Stir in the oats and chocolate chips by hand.
Drop 1-inch balls of dough onto the cookie sheet, placing about 1 1/2 inches apart so they have room to spread.
Bake at 350F for 10-13 minutes, until golden brown at the edges and light golden at the center.
Cool on baking sheet for at least 1-2 minutes before transfering to a wire rack to cool completely.

Makes 4 dozen.

Notes:
- If you chill the dough for about 30 minutes before baking, you will have a slightly puffier cookie.
- You can substitute raisins for the chocolate chips.
- You can add up to 1 1/2 cups chopped nuts in addition to raisins or chocolate chips. You might want to make the cookies slightly larger if this is the case.
*********

Fortunately or unfortunately, I ate a lot of them myself. They were sooo good. Of course, part of that could be that I haven't had homemade chocolate chip cookies in too long. Mmmm... cookies...

We played a couple games of Agricola which we were awesome. The host won the second game which lasted too long and I didn't explain well enough to our new players. I completely enjoyed the company though. And everyone else wasn't drinking enough as far as I was concerned. ::grin::

Our host also fed us very, very well. He made chili and stew for us and had all kinds of cheese and crackers. It was very yummy. And then we got apple banana pancakes for breakfast on Sunday. So very good, indeed.

These two made good company this weekend.

Off to Humboldt

2009-10-14T23:17:00.001-06:00

That's right! I'm off to the sunny metropolis of Humboldt tomorrow. For this little expedition, I have planned to take my current chainmaille project now that my hands no longer start swelling after putting 3 rings together, my list of letters to write, and the third book in a series of seven that we got for a wedding present.

The only key now is that I successfully get up in 3 hours to do this drive. I am going to avoid Tim Horton's even though I really want an Iced Cappuccino. I will have some water bottles with me.

And for my lovely driving companion, I will be bringing pillows and blankets just in case she's not feeling well after her appointment. Don't worry, it's no one you know.

The best part about the trip tomorrow is that I have something planned. Having things planned in the day seems to help me keep busy these days and not just be a layabout, although that occupation would keep me from having to feed my family at Harvest.*

The best part about going for this drive tomorrow is that I get to help someone who needs it. I'm very pleased with this because it feels like it has been a while since I've been helpful. Probably not true, but it kind of feels that way. Probably just my high expectations for myself though.

In other news, I am applying for a job this week. Not because I really want it, but because I want to see if I can get it. I'm headed to Calgary this weekend to see friends whom I miss dearly. I miss a friend that lives just blocks away. It was my dad's birthday today. The cats are all starting to like me better than Jeremy since I'm home and available for attention more than he is.
_________________
*Agricola is a fantastic game that we have played many, many, many times and still have a ton of fun. I recommend it to everyone.

So Much To Say

2009-10-12T13:19:00.004-06:00

I do have a lot to say and a lot that I've been thinking about lately, but none of it seems like it needs to come out. I don't feel that I need to talk about it. It just is and that's okay. I know that it would shock some that I don't need to talk about it. Heck, it shocks me a little.

I like having time to get everything in order. The house is coming along nicely, I think. I had unexpected, but very welcome, company this weekend and I didn't really have to clean my house for me to feel comfortable having them here.

It's funny how I haven't truly noted that the state of my home is a reflection of the state of me before, but there are a lot of lines of similarity. If my house is very messy and I'm okay having people in it means that I'm really at peace with my messy own internal struggles because I don't feel like working on them. I get restless with the general mess in my house when I start feeling more in control of my internal struggles and thusly, I clean and tidy. When I feel messy inside and the house is that way, but I don't want people to come over and see the messy house, I usually just don't want to pretend I'm okay. And when I tidy up just so that I feel comfortable with other people in my house, I'm putting on the mask that I'm okay for people. There are a lot of varying degrees in there, but those are the major parts. Right now, the house is pretty tidy and that's a pretty accurate reflection of how I feel. I also think it says something that my office is almost always a mess.

If you can believe it, I'm laughing more these days.

Me and my brother

How Do I Do This?

2009-10-06T22:28:00.003-06:00

I'm not sure I remember how to do this. Type? Type what? About my life and my thoughts.

Well, I'm married. I had it in my head that getting married wouldn't change my relationship with Cheruby, but I was wrong. It has changed it. It's a promise. Yes, we still make the choice every day to honour that promise, but it's a promise that wasn't there before. A promise that will take a lot more to break than just one fight.

We spent the first week saying with a sort of dumbfounded incredulity, "We're married," and "You're my husband." Such silliness and loveliness. I enjoy having that promise and having given it.

Cheruby and I haven't been treating each other differently except to say, "I love you," ten times more than we used to. Not that we didn't say it often before, we did. It's just - different. That's weird to me because I don't get that. I don't get why it should be different and yet it is. It's better than before.

I'm happy.

Pride and Prejudice (and Zombies) Wedding

2009-08-12T14:00:00.001-06:00

I've been working way too much, but all that is done now and I'm in full on wedding mode. It's 8 days until the wedding. ... Eight days. ... Eeeeeep!!!

I really should have called you by now if I haven't heard from you, but I haven't so I'll be emailing or calling you shortly. I really do hope that you're coming.

There is still so much to do like helping guests with attire fit for a Pride and Prejudice wedding for those who want to dress up because not every one has the inclination which is perfectly okay with me as the most important thing is to have our guests there to celebrate the day with us.

My first piece of advice is exhaustively review Jessamyn's Regency Costume Companion. Every time I'm directed back to this site because of new search criteria I've entered, I find something new that these wonderful people have compiled. In the many, many hours I have spent on the internet looking for just the perfect things for this wedding, no one site is as comprehensive as this one.

The second piece of advice is to watch A&E's Pride and Prejudice. Colin Firth makes an excellent Mr. Darcy. Some other films and TV mini-series you might seek out can be found at Jessamyn's Bookstore in the Videos of Regency dramas section.

Here are some simple tricks for knowing whether or not you're on the right track for your Regency wear. Guests can take or leave any or all of these suggestions. As above, Regency era costuming is not required.
MEN

Hair should be between short and medium length. Facial hair should be non-existent except for sideburns.
Jacket or coat should be longer than today's usual length. Tails are great, but not strictly necessary. There are lots of details with a true Regency tailcoat that are not needed to get the general feel for the era.
White poofy shirt with white cravat are fairly easy essentials to the look.
Waistcoat or vest should be straight cut across the bottom at the waist.
Tight pants were the style. The ladies had to know what they were getting somehow.
Plain black slippers or shoes with a large buckle were the footwear with long trousers.
Generally the trousers, waistcoat and coat were three different colours.
Acceptable accoutrements include top hots, canes, leather gloves.

WOMEN

Hair should be worn up, typically with a hair accessory of sorts such as two ribbons or small flowers.
Dresses had empire waists, poofy upper sleeves, and hung to the floor.
Plain ballet flats or slippers are acceptable footwear.
Bonnets were the most common hats, but there were other styles of hats worn at the time.
Other accessories could be parasols, gloves, fans, or reticule (small handbag).

This is not a comprehensive list of costume options by any means. We whole-heartedly encourage anyone who would like to do more research for appropriate apparel options to do so. We would just love to see people come out and have fun.

ZOMBIES

Make up is key. There are many good websites for decent zombie make up including So You Wanna Be A Zombie, Zombie Maker, and one livejournaler's Zombie Costume/Makeup! compilation of links.
Clothing can be simplified from the above lists to ripped poofy shirt and pants or empire-waisted dress with appropriate dried blood spatter.
Modern clothing for any zombie in attendance is permissable.

OTHER INFORMATION

Gift registry can be found here: http://www.freegiftregistry.com.au/suziandjeremy ; to access the listing, "MrDarcy" will need to be entered. We haven't had a lot of time for shopping so the list is kind of sparse right now. When in doubt, a donation to your charity of choice in honour of us will do nicely.

Check back often for updates here and on the gift registry.

Questions and tips from our viewers:

Are chimney sweeps acceptable? Yes on two conditions. The first is that it must be a young child. And secondly, the child must be a gift to the couple. ;)
Here is Miss Brown's Guide to Regency Dress for Women in PDF format.
And Miss Brown's Guide to Regency Attire for Men.
Get your cravats here!
Gift registry has been updated. 7/28
If you haven't received your invite yet, please let me know.

Butterflies

2009-08-11T23:27:00.002-06:00

I got butterflies in my tummy tonight when I was thinking about the wedding. All the bits of fabric for my dress are done being embroidered and it's sooo pretty. It's my wedding dress! It feels like magic. I didn't expect all these feelings of joy and bliss. Where did they come from? I didn't expect anything to change between us, but it is better than it was. We are getting married because it was already awesome, but now it's better. Butterflies are wonderful and exciting.

There were lots of things I was worried about when we got engaged and one of them was that I wasn't going to be able to enjoy making wedding plans and the engagement period. Cheruby is so good for me. I know that I choose to be happy or unhappy with situations, but it's so much easier when I've got someone in my corner telling me that this choice will make me happier or is better for me.

My seamstress's kids were quite disappointed when Cheruby didn't come with me the last couple times I went to see her. He made quite the impression with "Extreme Jenga". I really enjoyed listening to him play and have fun with them. I also really liked the look on his face when he saw me in the mock-up of my wedding dress. That was a good look. I want to remember that look.

Work is even going well. The project is on track for the most part and I'm actually getting time to prepare for my piece which will really come into play from Thursday to Tuesday coming up. I'm not scared though. I think it'll be okay. And I'm puzzled at how well things are going, but pleased. I guess I'm waiting for something to go horribly wrong, but nothing has. I'm just going to keep smiling and keep going. I'm really looking forward to being part of this project going live.

To all those in my life that I have been neglecting - I'll be back soon. Really soon.

Whirlwind

2009-08-01T13:15:00.006-06:00

I have to say that wedding plans are coming along very well thanks to my Cheruby. He's taken the initiative with most things and gotten them done and we don't have a lot left to do, it seems. Everything is just ticking along and we're on track, and, if you can believe this, I'm not being completely fanatical about it.

My mom came to visit last night and she's such a doll. I love her so much. We went to fabric stores and craft stores and talked about wedding stuff, but we also talked about all kinds of other stuff and I relaxed and so did she and it was great. She kept feeling like there was something we should be doing, but I had to keep telling her that there was nothing to be done right now and that was okay. I would typically expect it to be the other way around in this situation.

My wedding dress fabric finally got here and there are some issues with the embroidery that I already chose so I have to choose some new stuff. It's going to be beautiful, whatever I choose. But I get to look at pretty pictures and tell people what I want. What's not fun about that?

And I've just discovered one more way in which Misha was a jerk. Jerk. Heh.

In Honour

2009-06-19T16:45:00.000-06:00

I don't know if I can do justice to everything my cat is to me. I got him in late April in 1996. He was born in February of that year and was the only boy in the bunch. I think that was the start of how protective he was of me. Within hours of bringing him home, he was curved around my boob sleeping peacefully.

He was such an amazing kitten, full of kittenry antics. He stole my heart with how he came when I called him, how he fetched the little fuzzy toys, and how he was connected to me. In fact, he was a reason that my boyfriend at the time got quite upset with me. I got Misha on a when weekend trip home to visit my parents after my second year of university. And when my boyfriend came to pick me up, I couldn't honestly tell him that I missed him because I hadn't really thought about him much because of the little fuzzball that had invaded my life. That didn't go over well, but I'd just adopted my first baby. The boyfriend didn't last.

Misha was with me in all the hard times and all the good times. I was his and he was mine. Unless you've had one as a family member, you can't know what a cat gives back. There is a love and trust that exists that is so unconditional. This isn't to say that every cat has this bond with their humans, but if you put the love in you get it back tenfold.

I'm finding it hard to encapsulate the best of the last 13 years with him. How can I describe the constant companionship? He would go on vacation to my parents home almost every summer for one reason or another. He owned that house almost as much as he owned me. I would miss him a lot and would have to phone my parents every couple days just to talk to him instead of them. At first it confused him a little and he would run to the door looking for me. Then he realized that my voice was coming from the phone. He almost hung up on me several times by nuzzling the phone. And once, I was a brat to my mom who was holding him by asking him if he wanted to go outside. Mom came on the line soon afterward telling me that she just couldn't hold him anymore for some reason. Heh.

Early on, I realized that I would have to ration his food because he had the potential to be a very fat cat. One of his feeding times was first thing in the morning when I woke up. This caused his creativity to really come to life in trying to wake me up. Some of my favourites were sticking his nose right in front of mine then meowing as soon as my eyes fluttered and lying next to my head or on my chest and purring his loudest purr.

Oh could that cat purr! You could hear him in the next room sometimes. I miss that more than anything else, I think. It's what I hear and feel in my chest when I miss him most.

He used to climb people. I taught him that. Then he tried to climb someone wearing a skirt. I stopped teaching him that skill pretty quickly. Heh. He bit my mom's ass once, well actually twice, too. He definitely got supper after that. He was playing blanket monster on my parents' bed and the monster just happened to be my dad's fart. There were tiny kitten claws and screaming involved.

Misha's accomplishments include raising three kittens up right. Teaching them to fight and hunt and protect me. Despite not having any front claws, he managed to bring home many a furry and feathered friend. He was sooo proud the day he brought me a huge robin and very confused when I screamed like I did. The incident with the bat was also very amusing.

He loved being outside so much especially at night. I was always the overprotective mama and didn't like him to be outside. Through my parents not really listening to my overprotectiveness, I lost that too. He ended up getting lost once - for ten days. He eventually found home again, skinny and hungry and lonely. I didn't get to be there for his return, but I would have loved it. He almost smothered mom on his first day home just from sleeping so close to her face that first night. He was happy to be home and didn't go very far after that. He loved his people more than the outside.

I get to visit him whenever I go home now and in my dreams. He's buried out at our acreage which I believe we may have named Apollo's Landing, but that could still change. He is dearly missed.

Tagged By Rilla (A Looooooong Time Ago)

2009-06-14T04:00:00.002-06:00

Rules, schmules. I choose only to follow #3.

1) I love Lego. I remember just building and building and building when I was a kid. I also remember building a mostly 2-dimensional man about two feet tall and taking it to school for show and tell. I loved show and tell too. [grin] Anyway, I just received a new piece of jewelry that shows just how much I love it.

2) Gremlins was the first movie I remember seeing in a theatre. I recall sitting on my mom's lap, but in my memory, it was because there weren't two seats left together in the theatre and that was the only way I could sit with her. It couldn't possibly have been because I was scared.

3) I am more creative than I give myself credit for. This is random about me because *I* didn't know I was as creative as I am until recently. I considered most of my creative endeavours as hobbies and not creative. I am a silly girl sometimes. Of course, I like to surround myself with people who I consider to be incredibly creative and intelligent and I have measured my creations against theirs. Again, silly Suzi.

4) My cats in my life bring me great joy - especially in the morning. The first thing they do is come visit me in the bathroom. One talks and tries to be held or just intervene between my attention and another cat, one wants to be picked up and held but not enough to quit moving from surface to surface throughout the bathroom, one circles my feet to gain my attention and pets, and the last one waits not-so-patiently for it to be his turn for affection. Sometimes this is all going on at once.

5) My favourite things to do are things that will make other people happy and in that I can find some enjoyment. Such as putting together an after game snack so that people can relax, making the effort to see, to email, or to talk with someone that I respect and with whom I enjoy spending time, making chainmaille something-or-others for my friends and family, etc. These things are even better if I can share.

6) My favourite call of good luck is, "Have fun storming the castle!" said by Miracle Max in the Princess Bride. That movie has many spectacular quote like, "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something," said by Wesley as the Man in Black. That was my email signature for quite a while when I was :oh, dear god!: 18. In fact, it was my first email signature.

Small World

2009-06-03T00:23:00.004-06:00

When my Cheruby and I met, it became a game with us to figure out how many people we knew in common. I think at last count there were about a dozen or so. I just threw out the piece of paper that had all the names listed. One more could have been added this past weekend, actually.

I've made a great new friend here in Calgary. I met him through work and we knew one person in common, but just through my previous employer and his being two places that she had worked so it wasn't that big a deal. But in my Crackbook surfing, I discovered that someone he knows through his art is the sister of someone I know from my gaming in Saskatoon. I even have a necklace with a glass bead that was made by her boyfriend I think. Anyway, the world is a small place sometimes.

In other news, I'm still working hard away from home most of the time. Life is good though because I've got my wonderful Cheruby to look after me and help me through the rough spots. This weekend, he helped me to clean my office. I think it's been close to a year since it was truly clean and that feels great. I'm still noticing the absence of stress over that task on my to do list. I had my one year anniversary with my temporary rebound job too.

We got a new black cat who is just about the most talkative cat I have ever met. He needs lots of attention or he does stuff like crawl into the ducts in the basement. What a silly boy! He and the not-so-fat one have become good friends in very short order.

PSA: A cousin of mine recently had a house fire and has lost pretty much every material good. Luckily no one was home at the time so everyone is okay. She has four kids, one of which is a newborn. Things are going to be rough for her, but through the support of family and friends, I know everything will be just fine. Having said that, if you have any clothes for boys sizes 5/6, clothes for girls size adult small or girls 12/14, or baby clothes for a new baby boy that you could give, it would be appreciated. You can just drop me a line at piratebuttercup at gmail dot com and I'll be more than happy to be a conduit of good will.

And now back to your regularly scheduling Suzi-ing. [grin]

Not Quite As Planned

2009-05-23T17:45:00.002-06:00

So my last post didn't exactly predict the future.

I'm still working for the same company and spending too much time away from home although it's not all week every week anymore. It'll go there again soon but not yet. I'm standing up for myself more which is AWESOME and really hard for me to do. And of course, having my cat with me in Calgary in totally fantastic and good for my sanity. He's turning into a diabetic, spondylosis-ridden, and hairless wonder, but he's still my fat cat and he's great.

I've spent all day today with cartoons on the television. I like cartoons.

And soon, there will be gaming. Mmmm... gaming.

A New Beginning

2009-03-14T20:34:00.002-06:00

Time to start over.

My job is finally going to be done. I need to be at home again. I need to focus on the important things.

You might see more of me as I find time to think about things other than myself.

Feeling Good Update

2009-02-08T14:05:00.002-06:00

It seems that I've been out of touch for a while. Things have been going well.

Let's see. I got to spend an amazing amount of time with my niece and nephew over the Christmas holidays. The only unfortunate part was that it was mostly because my mom broke a vertebra while tobogganing. She's on the mend and the doctor said that if one has to break a vertebra, she broke the best one as it was a stable fracture. In her recovery time, she has become quite good at Zelda on the Wii.

I would like to take this opportunity to say that my brother and sister-in-law have done a fabulous job raising their children thus far. They know how to behave and what is their responsibility. I can say this because when I told them that there were no rules except "when you get grumpy or tired, you sleep", they were fantastic children to be around. My niece was awesome at taking care of us. I can't recall any sibling spats that needed intervention. I was even very proud of myself for not getting extremely frustrated with either of them and they were with Cheruby and I for 6 days! This is a personal best for me and I was happy to have them with us the whole time. Of course, this meant that their parents had to do some re-programming, but then, that's the joy of being an auntie!!

In the seven weeks off, I worked a bit, but only as much as my sanity would allow. After the holidays, we stayed around Saskatoon for a bit to be there for Cheruby's mom. I love her to bits and things are progressing. I just wish she wasn't in pain anymore. Too long of that and it can really dampen a person's spirits.

Then Cheruby and I were off to Vancouver and San Jose for some visiting. Two weeks is a long time to be away from home, but it was exactly what I needed. Time away with good friends and no obligation. My time in Vancouver with the talented and lovely brilliance that is EAM was fabulous. I had a great time just hanging out and shopping and being with her. I love her to bits and she is looking so frakin' amazing that I had to bite my knuckle behind her back while hugging her. I don't think I've ever seen her look more beautiful.

Cheruby and I played copious amounts of boardgames with his friends who were kind enough to put us up for most of our stay in Vancouver. They make me laugh and it makes Cheruby so happy to be around them. As well, Cheruby was able to meet his agent in Vancouver which was really great. It's so exciting to have him always moving forward toward his dream. Little steps are all you can do until that really big step comes. You just have to keep going on the little ones and I admire his perseverance toward his dream. He's always inspired me that way.

We were back home for a week before I had to head back to work. That week was really, really good and exactly what I needed before getting back to it. Cheruby and I had some really good time together. And we met our goal of really cleaning one room in the house each day that week. The basement even got clean which pleased both of us very much. We got to watch some awesome movies with friends on their projector TV. [le sigh]

And Cheruby's dad came to visit to practice the song he wrote for the CBC Galleria that happened on February 6th in Regina. Apparently things went really well and people were very pleased by the performance. I wish I could have been there.

My first week back at work has been really, really great. Things have just gotten better as big, great changes have happened and soon, we'll be on top of the world with a perfect payroll - very soon. It's taken a long time, but it's finally going to happen. And of course, the awesomeness of this week could not have been accomplished without the company of my very tall friend, Tall One. He has been a major influence on my spirits being kept up. And the phone calls with my very busy Dramatic friend have been exactly what I needed as well. I hope I get to actually see her this week.

Things that I still NEED to do is go to Edmonton for a spell to visit friends and family. I haven't spent near enough time showing people how much they mean to me, but you know who you are. You all mean a lot to me even if I don't tell you enough.

La-la-la-la!!

2008-12-24T13:10:00.003-06:00

La-la-la-la!!

Check out these pictures of my company Christmas party. I think I looked like I'm in pain when I'm dancing, but trust me, I was having a really good time. [grin]

Heading to visit my folks and family for Christmas. It's going to be awesome!!

Christmas is Coming!!

2008-12-04T05:48:00.004-06:00

I'm so looking forward to Christmas this year. It's an amazing thing to not have to worry about work at the end of Christmas holidays. Sure, work is out there, but not for me until February. Mua-ha-ha-ha!

I have two and a half weeks of work left. Not very long now and I'm pretty pleased. I have a lot to accomplish in between now and then, but it's going to be so great. My boss and I had a great talk today about how a few people freaked a bit about my being off for so long. Meh. The world will keep turning. I may not have a job when I return, but it's really not bugging me. I'll call my boss the last week in January just to make sure, but it's all good.

I went to Fort McSnowy this week. Just for a day. I don't think I like doing that. It's hard on me and I don't get any work done. My time there is important, but lots of things were left until the last minute today and my head was so not in the game. But everything that NEEDED to get done was done. Hurrah for people bending the rules.

I get to be a very good friend's date for his Christmas party in a week and a half. I'm looking forward to that. Cheruby is coming with me to Calgary next week. Does anyone want to come stay at my house and feed my kiddenz while we're gone? Not that I'm worried about getting burgled again or anything...

So just a little bit longer of me being unavailable and non-existant. Thanks for still showing up here once in a while to check on me. I don't know what I'd do without all my fabulous friends and family.

My Christmas Wishes

What is a Glass?

2008-11-21T22:14:00.002-06:00

When you ponder drinking from a glass, what do you think of?

A. A handleless drinking container.
B. A handleless drinking container made of glass.
C. Other - please explain.

I'd love to read your thoughts on this riveting subject if you would grace me with your words in my comments section.

First Things

2008-10-29T22:28:00.004-06:00

So cheesy!

I feel like I've fallen for some corporate buzzword, but it's really hard to argue with common sense.

Last week, I took a seminar through work about the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. There's a reason why it's a popular book. It makes sense. I don't remember all the habits right at this moment, but I'm going to be doing my homework to make small, but significant changes.

On the weekend, I made myself truly listen to my Cheruby. It was so hard not to interject my own opinions and thoughts in. I had to keep telling my brain to be quiet coming up with responses and just listen. You know what I heard? That my job with all the traveling is just as hard, if not harder, on him than it is on me! I truly hadn't considered it. I knew he wasn't having an easy time of it, but I just assumed that my life was harder than his and it's not. I felt like a weight had been lifted because I no longer felt the need to explain myself. I really don't know how that worked, but I have less to say now that I've started just listening from time to time.

We've had some really revealing conversations ever since that incident that have been amazing and so open and not so afraid to say hard stuff that it doesn't get said. I know that everyone else in the world has feelings too, but actively listening sure does put that into perspective.

Next, I started up with my weight loss support group again. I took a hiatus when I thought life was too hard to deal with trying to lose weight too. You know what? That's just silly. Why would I compromise looking after myself to do a job or wallow in my own stress? I think most people do it from time to time, but it's such a silly decision. It was hard to tell them that I'd gained weight back, but I did it and of course, they didn't really care. They are just as supportive as ever. Countdown Chrissy is totally fabulous!

And then last weekend, I went to get this new age treatment called BodyTalk. My mom has gone for several treatments and after 20 years of not being able to sleep well, she has been sleeping through the night easily and consistently. And she can make finally make her own brain stop whirling. She says that she has a clarity now that is so peaceful. I can tell how happy she is. She told me that I amaze her every time that we have a chance to sit down and really talk, just the two of us. That makes me happy.

So, anyway, the treatment - I think it's kind of like neuro-linguistic programming but works on the premise that your body knows what's wrong with itself and knows how to fix it but just needs a little direction. I know, I know - beware of charlatans. The way I see it, if my mom paid money to be able to sleep through the night, that's money well spent. I'll tell you more about it if you ask, but after my treatment, I laughed for 15 minutes straight for no reason at all. That's not even an exaggeration as I watched the clock on the desk.

Cheruby and I have decided that I should work through November and then I will have Christmas and all of January off. I'm really looking forward to it. It's going to be wonderful. I don't know what we are going to do yet, but I'm sure it's going to be GREAT!!!

Feeling Great!!

2008-10-22T22:49:00.002-06:00

Need I say more?

Why Didn't You Vote?

2008-10-15T17:13:00.006-06:00

59.1%

Really?

That's it?

There has to be a better way to do this. I was listening to some of what was being said after the results were in last night and I thought, "When did I start to care this much about politics?" I blame Cheruby. :)

Party	Seats won	%	Total votes	%
Conservative	143	46.4	5,205,334	37.6
Liberal	76	24.7	3,629,990	26.2
NDP-New Democratic Party	37	12	2,517,075	18.2
Bloc Québécois	50	16.2	1,379,565	10
Green Party	0	0	940,747	6.8
Independent	2	0.7	89,524	0.7

So does that seems right that 6.8% of all the votes aren't represented in parliament? It bugs me that 37.6% of people who cared enough to vote now have 46.4% of the say about what happens in this great country. There really does have to be a better way.

My dad asked me whether I made my vote count yesterday. I said yes, but I didn't like his implication. The only way to waste a vote, IMNSHO, is to not cast it. A vote doesn't count more because of who you cast it for. Each one is worth just one. Maybe my vote counted more because I live in a less populated area than someone in Toronto. Heh.

I'm glad for a minority government. I always have been. It's always made sense to me that if more than one party has to agree, we get a better decision being made for everyone. Of course, my mom pointed out to me years ago that there might not be any change because people can't agree. Maybe the changes being proposed aren't the best thing for Canada's people if they can't agree.

Please Vote

2008-10-14T00:37:00.002-06:00

October 14th, 2008

If you don't know where - please find out.

Vote.

It's important.

Only Time

2008-09-28T12:52:00.002-06:00

I've made commitments and I am sticking by those commitments. It is costing me more than it was supposed to though. They have taken me seriously about my end date with the company, but I can't help but think it's going to be a long haul to get there. And I'm already very tired.

And then I think, an opportunity like this comes along very rarely. I'm going to finish this job and be happy with not having a job after this. I am going to enjoy not having to worry about making a living.

I can't help but think though that time is the only non-renewable resource that even thousands of years can't help. Once it's gone, it's gone. There is no going back. Sacrifice now for more later. I think it'll balance out in my favour. Still, it's going to be a long two months.

Weird and wacky and wonderful things I've experienced lately:
1. Passing a Tim Horton's on the highway. Sounds common enough, but it was doing 70 kph.

2. I love sour Jelly Bellys.

3. I convinced my niece to go out shopping with me wearing her yarn ponytails. I absolutely loved it. She forgot that they were in her hair and we got some really good looks.

4. Learning the word "whinging". It's how Australians saying "whining". I love it.

5. The drive to and from the work site. The leaves changing colour on all the trees in the river valley near Fort McMurray is truly amazing.

6. Having been robbed and the insurance company being completely helpful so far. Of course, we haven't seen any money yet.

7. Applying my new chainmaille making skills and making several dice bags for friends. I'm very excited about this new hobby.

8. Getting help with my job so I'm not responsible for people again. I'm responsible for a balanced payroll. Tomorrow - first balanced payroll ever.

9. Waking up to sunshine through the trees overlooking a lake. No sounds of civilization to be heard. Just the voice of my beloved and a feeling of joy all through me.

That's all folks!

Worth Mentioning

2008-09-04T19:49:00.000-06:00

There are a lot of things that I haven't had the time to sit down and record. I will start telling you about them now. It'll take me some time though so there will likely be several installments of Worth Mentioning.

Where to begin...

1. Well, a couple days ago when Cheruby and I took a wrong turn at Glaslyn and ended up in Meadow Lake rather than Turtleford, we decided to skip Edmonton for the night and just go straight to the Regional Municipality of Wood Buffalo. Then just after Lac La Biche, we took another wrong turn which only cost us about 20 minutes. And these two events along with the 4 or 5 pit stops along the way, meant that we got to see a lynx on the side of the road - slinking like cats do into the ditch. It was awesome. I want one. It made Cheruby and I really miss our kiddenzes.

2. Cheruby found his dream writer's retreat out at Drang's family home by a lake. It's wonderful. I knew he would absolutely love it. I think the best compromise is to build something similar out at our lake near my hometown. Unless he sells a script and then there's no telling what he'll do. [grin]

3. GenCon! Oh my goodness!! I should really devote an entire post to GenCon. I was so overwhelmed for two days that I didn't buy anything and I barely played any games. We went to the Video Games Live concert which was a lot of fun. And I loved dressing up in my costume. And I loved being able to make Cheruby so happy that he tells me that he has just had the best day of his life. AWESOME!!

4. Camping at Namekus Lake is always a treat. I had to bring work, but it was worth the trip. Our first night there, we had the pleasure of a light show put on by the neighbourhood fireflies. They were wonderful and magical. I feel like I should remember having seen them before, but I don't have any specific memories. And now I have this one and it was incredible.

Well, I guess that's enough for now. Tune in next time for more Adventures of Sparkling Suz. [grin]

Something Better

2008-07-14T21:56:00.006-06:00

Okay, so, I've been a grumpy-puss lately. Really. Poor Cheruby has had to put up with a very moody girl and he's been doing amazing considering how difficult that can be.

I'm still going through the stages of grief over losing my job, but screw that for the time being. There is exciting stuff happening.

First - I'm so incredibly happy for and proud of my sweetheart. Check this out!!!

Cheruby entered his horror screenplay "Intelligent Design" and his comedy "The Other Christmas Carol" are BOTH in the quarter finals for the 2008 PAGE International Screenwriting Awards. There are quite a few categories, but the total entries for the awards was 3,865 scripts! For Horror and Thriller, there was a total of 533 entries and for Comedy, there were 883 entries. And my Cheruby's screenplays are both in the top 25%!! Oh my goodness, I can barely contain myself. I don't think anyone in the Padollan Pub in Fort MacMurray is going to care too much though so I'm going to content myself with imagining Cheruby's joy at home and smiling wildly for the next hours until sleep. It'll probably continue to morning.

Then, let me say that although I paid over double what I should have for my Wii Fit, I love it intensely. I don't remember the last time I exercised seven days in row. It's awesome and although I gained weight this week, my pants fit better. I like it - A LOT! Video games are fun!!

And I had a major freak out last week about my new job. No worries, it was my own internal desire to be the best. I didn't feel able to do my job last week. I called my extremely busy and overwhelmed boss to chat and I didn't feel that it went like I wanted it to. So I spazzed all weekend and today, it was nothing. I shouldn't say nothing. My boss just understood and I'm going to stop worrying about it now. I want to do a great job and my boss knows that and knows that he will get the best from me. That's why he hired me. He knows that I will not just do the bare minimum - I will do it right and I will meet his deadlines regardless of what it takes from me. I will get the job done. He knows all this and these are all the reasons he hired me. I have not disappointed him in any way and it will be very difficult for me to do so. I forgot to believe in myself and that was awfully silly because I can and will do a fabulous job - as always. Very silly Suz. (Sorry if I made anyone worry. Especially sorry to Cheruby for worrying him worst of all.)

One month until GenCon Indy! WOOT!! My first one and I'm going to have a fabulous costume. And I have two trained gentlemen to help me with the corset. Heh. Adn Cheruby and I have all our events booked. And there are so many people I know and life coming! Weeee!!!! It's already a great summer (yay air conditioning!) and just getting better.

Avoidance

2008-06-28T22:13:00.002-06:00

It's been slowly creeping into my busy life that I'm sad and I miss people and I miss all the relationships I had and I miss my job. I've been trying to keep busy and avoid all those feelings. There was no way to deal with them because they aren't irrational or bad for me so I did the only thing I could think of - be busy enough to not have time to think about all those feelings. No one died, but being suddenly removed from the daily lives of so many people is really hard.

So, in short, I'm sorry I haven't written and kept in touch. I haven't wanted to be sad.

While I've been avoiding all those sad feelings, I've been flying to Fort McMurray and Calgary a lot. And working and playing video games and having house guests.

The first set of house guests were a bunch of fabulous people from Edmonton that I totally love. I'm so glad that they came to visit and that they stay with me. I do so enjoy their company. And I played in a game on the weekend which was kind of based on Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere market of the forgotten. It was a lot of fun. I played the pigeon keeper, but couldn't find a stuffed pigeon. So I found a 10 second clip of pigeon sounds which I put on repeat on my iPod and little speakers. For 4 hours. Heh. It was awesome. Of course, even more awesome was Cheruby's portrayal of a bible-thumping do-gooder who was trying to save everyone. He had one other characters yelling, "I love Jesus," several times. I sat in the corner of the room laughing really hard with another player when that happened. Later, the game was ending and we were all disappearing and he fell to his knees yelling, "I'm coming, Jesus! I'm coming!" It was brilliantly funny.

Then two days after the fabulous Edmonton peeps left, two more excellent folks showed up. Matt, who you might remember from our Vancouver trip last year, surprised us with the news he was staying with us. Of course, this was just fair play since Cheruby and I did that to him last year when we showed up at his doorstep. Not my fault. [grin] Earlier in the evening, we received another of Cheruby's high school friends, Nitra. She always makes me laugh and has a fresh perspective on life and her relationship with the world. I enjoy her quite a bit.

And we had a party last night for Cheruby and Matt's birthdays and it was awesome!!! I woke up this morning feeling better than I have in a really long time. I was relaxed which I think is what brought about the realization of the sadness which I was avoiding.

And today, I got to speak with Siochain for a long time today. And it was really, really good.

And I also got to try on my corset today that my friend from high school is making for me. Then we went out for supper with her family including her parents and brother and his wife. It was a good evening. I'm happy to such great people in my life.

Other than the sadness, I truly am well. Life is good.

Which Way Do I Turn?

2008-06-07T15:04:00.003-06:00

I was so happy this morning to be walking my mom out of the hospital after her successful surgery. She's doing so well and is finally closing the book on her breast cancer. It's been six years since she was first diagnosed and had her mastectomy. And as of Tuesday, she has two boobs. Of course, they're very monster of Frankenstein-esque still, but that will eventually pass in the healing process. Of course, no one really needed to know that. Heh.

And now, I'm sitting at a friends house watching some critters because there was an emergency and I was needed. My mom, of course, is sleeping upstairs because she's still tired from her week of laying around with a morphine button. I'm thinking about how fragile we all are. I knew in my brain that my mom would be better than okay, but my emotional stress this week as I worried about her constantly has been very high. It doesn't matter how non-life-threatening the surgery was, someone was still cutting into her with a very sharp thing and moving bits around and removing bits. It's just not natural and I was worried. I won't be done worrying until I see the healed incisions and all the relocated skin bits are the colour that they are supposed to be.

A new colleague is off dealing with some family emergency as well. Things are actually pretty good at work other than that. I could have been very busy last week, but I just didn't have what I needed to do the job. Not such a bad thing since I was able to spend much more time with my mom and taking care of myself.

Now, rampant geekery rears its beautiful head. I received my Wii in the mail yesterday. So excited!! I played for an hour last night after a friend left. Of course, he'd brought beer and the new 4th Edition D&D books. Squee! The art is so much better. Then we started to make characters to make them fight. And it took me much too long and it was almost one by the time I was done so we didn't get to fight them. [pout]

Lastly, today is the first Exalted game with a full complement and I won't be there for the beginning. I'm really looking forward to playing and hanging out with my dear friend, AJ.

And with all this going on, I didn't get a chance to RSVP to the tongue birthday house warming party at Chez Relaxo. It was yesterday. I'm sure a good time was had by all.

Adventurous

2008-05-30T22:23:00.005-06:00

I've been so adventurous lately! YAY for me!

It's amazing the difference it makes to turn challenges into adventures in one's mind. It makes tough stuff so much easier to deal with. Every day is an adventure, really.

I was looking at myself in the mirror of a condo in Fort McMurray yesterday in the wee morning hours and it was so surreal. How did I get there? And was I happy with being there? Under the circumstances (losing one's hotel room and just having worked 12 hours on something that I shouldn't have had to do), I wasn't terribly pleased to be there. However, my current adventure had taken me there and I am now employed again and I'm in control of where my adventure takes me next. All good stuff, so, in the end I was totally good with being there with a roof over my head and pillows on the bed which my head was soon going to be enjoying. The next day would be an all new adventure and some sleep would help with that.

So, this time, I'm setting my boundaries. And I have made them very clear to my manager. From here, there shouldn't be any surprises. If there is, I've laid out the consequences of that too. I actually believe that I will have the strength to stick to them as well.

And that's just my new job. So many other exciting things have been going on - other grand adventures.

San Jose and visiting with TUO and R:tAG was awesome. We hung out and didn't get too stressed or rushed about anything.
*Cheruby got his In-N-Out Burger experience several times and now has the t-shirt that he's very happy with.
*We saw Prince Caspian and had a fire alarm go off before the movie started. Very odd stuff, but all just part of the adventure. The movie was pretty good though. It made me happy.
*The temperature soared the day we arrived, after weeks of the locals grumbling that it was too cold. I booked the trip in May to avoid in the insane heat. Good thing the temperatures were still dropping at night enough to cool the house down easily.
*The mist and fog was perfect the day we went to the Emperor's grave. The sprinklers helped at bit, but it made the atmosphere perfect. Did you know that Colma county has more people under the ground than above it?

*Cheruby got his fill of some very funny stuff - two MST3K movies and a Twisted Toyfare Theatre comic. He giggled a lot while we were there, except when he was in a lot of pain due to a tooth malfunction while eating a "Mexican Flag".
*Riding bikes around Los Gatos was fun too even though it was 36 degrees out. HOT! Vascona park by where R:tAG works is very nice. We went to his workplace and got a tour and heard about some cool stuff that's going on. And, of course, we got some awesome swag. THANKS!
*Oh, and we had to hang around at the house the day after we got there to wait for my luggage to arrive. Silly airline didn't have it make the connecting flight we made in Edmonton! But it was all very smooth in getting it delivered to the house.
*The other airline fun we had was getting up obscenely early to catch our flight home, having the flight be overbooked and getting a free night at a hotel and $600 each in flight credits for later use. We had a nap to catch up on some sleep and then headed into the city on the bart which was a 10-minute walk away with an In-N-Out Burger joint smack dab in the middle. Our overbooked airline wasn't the one we booked with and they could only get us to Calgary so I called and got the full return on the original airline quite easily.
*Our free San Francisco day was awesome. We walked all the way to Haight and Ashbury from Civic Station. Had ice cream at Ben & Jerry's on that corner, a beer at an Irish pub Danny Coyle's filled with English blokes along the way, hopped on a bus and made it back downtown, transfer to a streetcar to cruise along Embarcadero to Pier 39, supper at the Hard Rock Cafe, some time looking at smelly sea lions, a walk along the wharf to the cable car turnaround, a ride through the darkening city (an incredible view of the Golden Gate Bridge all lit up while going up the hill) with a charming San Francisco resident holding onto the outside bars on the cable car, and then the trip back to the hotel.

*We had some Italian food from Giorgi's which is across from the Plough and Stars where Cheruby joined a session of Celtic music players. It was good for me although Cheruby didn't know a lot of the songs so he didn't play as much as I wanted him to.
*The comic book convention in San Jose was lots of fun. We met the MST3K guys, Wil Wheaton, and Terry Moore. I got Terry to sign a first issue of his new comic Echo. I'm hoping that the characters will be as fabulous as in Strangers in Paradise.
*Toothache day, we slept late and watched TV and read books and had a relaxing day. We had In-N-Out Burgers for supper, animal style for Cheruby and R:tAG, and played a game of Betrayal at House on the Hill (my first time playing) and I had a pretty good time even though my character died first from a time bomb, TUO's character died from the ceiling falling in on due to a series of unfortunate events, and then R:tAG's character beat the snot out of the bad guy played by Cheruby. The first part of Sweeney Todd came next (and last) before bed.
*We were flagged for extra security which was a funny little process, but only because we had nothing to hide. We were corralled in for a few moments and then told to follow and wait and follow and stand still and follow and sit and slowly given back all our belongings. All was well and we had lots of time until our flight which ended up being late due to high wind velocities, but Calgary was having the same problem so our connecting flight was also delayed which meant we managed to make the connection which we were very thankful for.

I think that sums it up quite nicely.

Of course, as soon as we got home, we were off to Nipawin and Tobin Lake. We looked at the land that we're buying and it was awesome. As well, we went for a long ride on the three-wheelers. The a wiener roast with s'mores for dessert were just perfect for the day we'd had. The other highlight was our very dear little grey stripey cat who came with us on all our adventures. The little one just joined us as far as Nipawin. And all three returned home with us on Sunday in a very nice ride back to the city.

We watched lots of great movies. I highly recommend Juno and P.S. I Love You. Enchanted was a good Disney flick. And I even enjoyed Sweeney Todd even with the excessive blood. I had some retail therapy and bought a three pack of movies - MirrorMask, Labyrinth, and The Dark Crystal. As well, I bought Juno and The Golden Compass even though I haven't seen it yet. Cheruby and I also saw the new Indiana Jones flick this week. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet.

And wonder of all wonders, the fat one has become completely okay with the little one. I found him sleeping ON her the other day. Heh.

Oh, and it was a friend's birthday the other day and his cats really enjoyed the box.

Still Running

2008-05-08T18:49:00.003-06:00

Oh my goodness! I can't believe the work involved with losing one's job! With all the running around and things to take care of and do, I've barely had time for moping. Yesterday, I managed to finalize most of everything. Today, I feel empty. It feels over. I'm sad.

This isn't to say that I'm depressed or on the way there. I'm just handling every day. People I talked to every day, I haven't talked to most of them in almost two weeks. I miss them. A lot. I haven't called any of them. I don't know what to say. They need to be okay too and I don't want to remind them of me too much. And right now, my thoughts turn to how I'm feeling about my situation about twice an hour so that's what I want to talk about. That's not fun for me, let alone what it puts the people near me through. And with that said, no more!

It's my birthday next week. I don't have plans on Tuesday. Monday, supper with friends. Wednesday, hang out with my folks. Thursday, head to San Francisco! YAY! So, for my birthday, Cheruby and I are flying to visit TUO and R:tAG for a few days. We don't know what we're doing yet, but I realized that I don't need to do any of it and I'll still have a good time. Cheruby's only real request was to visit the grave of Emperor Norton and playing games. I know we'll get the last one in for sure.

And this weekend, I'm going to Regina for some Canadian Cancer Society meetings. That means I get to see my niece and nephew on Friday which is always awesome. I might even get to have lunch with a friend if I remember to call her. I should do that.

One last thing that I have to do is get started on my resume. Onwards and upwards! HUZZAH!!!

The Emancipation of Me

2008-04-29T15:53:00.003-06:00

I was very fortunate to be able to say that I liked my job and believed in my company. I'm not so sure about the last part anymore, but I'm hoping for the sake of the people that I care about that still work there that hope exists for those left to pick up the pieces. I am unemployed as of yesterday morning at 8:30 a.m.

My heart is pounding as I type this out. I'm going to be okay. I know it. I'm going to be better than okay - I'm going to be brilliant. In the end, it's just a job. I've said it many times now but of all the big things I could have lost yesterday, my job was one of the least important.

Today has been better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better yet. I feel a little sick to my stomach at times, but that too shall pass. If I'd had the choice, I would have stayed. I loved my team and was gearing up to take them through the next phase of company growth and opportunity. I was actually looking forward to learning the hard lessons I knew I would learn under a new manager.

Above all, I'm remembering the relief of yesterday morning when I realized that my to do list that was always bordering on unmanageable was no longer mine. In fact, it disappeared into thin air because most of it was in my head. All my good ideas were gone.

Someone else who was let go said that she was thinking about all the things she could have done differently to make this not happen. I've briefly thought about that and quite frankly, there wasn't anything. I'm happy with the way I did my job and lived my life. I am proud of it all. I made things happen when they needed to happen. There wasn't a moment I wasn't busy with something and doing good work. The things that I was asked to do were sometimes out of my league. I procrastinated on those things and didn't get them done. Those moments, however, were few and far between and I am only human. I am incredibly proud of a lot of things I accomplished there. And the best thing of all was my team. I hopefully gave them everything they need to do their jobs and do them well and efficiently. They are so strong and wonderful and I'm going to miss them terribly. And there are so many others I'm going to miss a lot - namely my colleagues in crime, my fellow managers. We could have changed the world together.

I've received so many compliments in the past few days. My phone barely stopped ringing yesterday. Here are a few things that I'm particularly proud to have said to me.
"A person's job often defines who they are. You were always you - Suzanne being a manager, not the other way around."
"You were the best manager that I have ever had, and I really appreciate all the times you have been there for me and us as a team. You truly were the backbone of this team that made us who we are, and we are better for it."
"You're a pillar of support and a wealth of knowledge. I wasn't kidding when I said you're like my right arm. It sucks losing someone really close to me. You were human, and listened to us when we had something to say."
There were some other, very funny moments throughout the day, but they were probably 'you had to be there' moments.

Anyway, I need something from all of you loyal readers. A little insight into where you think my future lies. What do you think I'd be good at and enjoy? I have the luxury of some time to figure things out so ponder and let me know! The sky is the limit.

All the Bad and All the Good

2008-04-24T23:26:00.003-06:00

I've been in Toronto since Sunday afternoon. I didn't really want to be here, but knew it was best for my team and my work.

Just before I left, I found out that my best friend had something horrible happen. It's probably just as well I'm not there because there is nothing I can do and I'd feel even more helpless and useless.

The first couple nights here were great. Shopping and supper with some of my favourite people both nights. I managed to find a fabulous new shirt even!

Then Wednesday happened. And it was a very bad day at work. I still haven't fully recovered. Some people that I very much care about lost their jobs yesterday. There were a lot of surprises and shocks about some of the folks. And I have a new manager which means some real stress in my future as I try to find a balance between my staff's needs and the changes in the business. I spent a lot of time trying to be strong yesterday and I was 5 seconds away from tears at any given moment. I talked to a friend of mine and she told me that she went home and phoned her mom. I laughed because that's exactly what I did yesterday after I found out what was happening to the first person I found out about. I'm still reeling.

I thought today would be easier than it was. It was still really tough. I went to talk to a new colleague and she gave me some really good advice and information that really helped me change how I was thinking. My job just got harder, but someone I trust told me that I would be stronger at the end of this particular phase of my career.

I'm hoping to hear from Cheruby yet tonight, but it was an exciting night for him and he might still be out celebrating. You see, his play (I say his play, but of course it belongs to everyone who had a part in producing the play) had a preview night tonight and an old friend was coming to watch. Tomorrow is opening night for The Selkie Wife at Dancing Sky Theatre in Meacham, SK. I'm so incredibly proud of my Cheruby. He came home exhausted one day from work. So I asked him how work was and his response was surprising and wonderful. He said, "Awesome." And he said it so genuinely and quickly that there was no doubt how happy he was with the day. It doesn't get much better than that.

So tomorrow is a busy, exciting day! I get to go to work in the morning. And I get to fly home, drive to Meacham and see my folks and my uncle (it's his birthday). Then I get to see my Cheruby perform on opening night. And then I get to celebrate our second anniversary. It's seems like such a short amount of time, but so full of memories. I just want to see him smile and feel his arms around me.

Oh yeah, and my hometown blew up a little last Friday. My parents are fine, but people were injured and died which is always frightening and sad.

The Wonderful World of Cats

2008-04-14T15:03:00.003-06:00

The cats have done some pretty cute things lately that I'd like to share.

The gray stripey one fell asleep on my back and rested his head on my shoulder right next to my ear so I could hear him purring as he fell asleep. Downright adorable!!

I had to open the front door and the window in the screen door to let some air through the house the other day. All three mischief makers sat at the front door the exact same distance from the door and each other. When I called Cheruby to come downstairs, they all just turned their heads to look at him without changing their pose. I could have died happy in that moment - they were so cute.

The little one has grown up and has a very cat like face in the place of her once very kitteny face. She's the most muscular of them all. We think it's because of the jumping exercise she got this winter from the laser pointer we got.

The fat one is getting old and I hope that we can let him go outside this summer a little bit. We might have to take him on vacation to my parents to do so, but who knows.

All three are getting along better. It's been over a year since the gray stripey one moved in. I finally figured out that he's the only one of our three that genuinely thinks he's human and not like the other cats. It explains a lot of his behaviour like not really knowing what a dog is and not recognizing territory and sleeping with his head on the pillow.

The little one is trying to catch a spider in the window sill now. Very, very cute.

Stop The World, I'm Getting Off

2008-03-13T22:44:00.003-06:00

I was talking to a friend of mine tonight who was saying a lot of things that rang very true to me. I've been there, done that. The best part is that I'm proof that someone can come through the other side of all those feelings and find true happiness and love. It didn't happen all at once, but continually being committed to caring about myself and making sure that I was someone that I love, it eventually happened. And while I had to make all those choices and stick to them, I had a helluva cheering section which makes things just a little bit easier.

I'm not saying things are perfect, but they are very good and getting better. I'll never conquer all the stuff I want to in myself, but I'm never ever going to stop trying. When I ever think that I'm done working on myself, I'll be dead. I can always make a difference and see things from a different perspective. I'll never know every point of view.

The brain is an amazing thing. You can train it to think any way you want just through repetition. Bad things stick easier than good things even when it's "just teasing".

One of the things that I was told about me is that I get over things quickly. And not because I brush things off quickly, because that's certainly not true. I get over things because I either have the choice to dwell on it and let it poison me and bring me down, or I have the choice to get over it and move on and continue being the person I want to be. That isn't to say I forget about those other things, they come back to haunt me when I'm feeling down and give me more reason to feel down. That's the part I need to fight and need my ever present cheering section to help me get through. I can't imagine not having my family and friends supporting me. I certainly wouldn't be where I am without all those wonderful people. They have shown me who I want to be (whether they realize it or not) and helped me figure out how to become that person.

Just tonight, I was talking to my mom. Every now and then, I realize more reasons why my mom is so amazing. Tonight, I stood my ground and made her admit just how rare it is to be as supportive and non-judgmental as she is. I can only hope at this point, that I can be like that. When Cheruby moved in, I was scared that my mom would think less of me. Silly, I know, but I was still worried. I was concerned she would think that I was being blind and taking things too fast because I just wanted to be loved. I guess that I was just thinking about my own insecurities about the situation. She said all the right things as she's very good at that. But then she gave Cheruby a money clip to prepare him for the success he was going achieve. Such a small thing, but so perfect. She effortlessly sees past all the crap and sees that people are just people and everyone, even those that don't act so kindly or react to situations in the best way, deserves the benefit of the doubt. It's one of her first thoughts most of the time even when she's getting the short end of the stick. I love her dearly and am looking forward to spending lots more time with her. She's simply wonderful. The world would be a different place if everyone had a mom like mine.

Finding the Words

2008-03-12T00:03:00.002-06:00

I've been trying to find the words to talk about what's been going on. Really, I'm just trying to stay afloat, but it's not as dire as that might sound. I finally finished that horrible project. I say horrible because it actually made me question whether I wanted to stay with my company. It's been a very, very long time since I did that. I started making plans to do something else - riskier but might make me happier. I haven't been entertaining those thoughts again, but they haven't gone completely away. I was compensated for my efforts more than I thought I would be. I was pleased with it, but now, I have no idea what to do next.

Things are happening at work that I'm not entirely good with, but I haven't given the situation a fair shot yet. I can see the good for the business, but not for my staff. That's a very tough situation. We just met last week and those meetings didn't go well. I wasn't very professional with my boss. At least it was just my boss and no one else, but still, I'm disappointed in myself. I don't like that I even got to that place where I was unprofessional.

One of the best things that happened was being able to see over half of my staff when I was in Toronto last. It was amazing. I really have missed them.

I haven't really quit traveling. I was in Toronto last week, going to Regina this weekend, going to Toronto again in a few weeks and then to Regina again the weekend after that. In the meantime, there's Easter weekend which I haven't planned anything for, but I'm hoping to see my niece and nephew if possible.

I've been playing video games with Cheruby and doing other fun things. It's been good and I deserve the play time. I keep thinking about the to do lists, however. It kind of takes away from the play time a bit.

There hasn't been enough time with other friends, but they're busy too. I'll get to see them soon enough.

Flights are scheduled to San Francisco in May for Cheruby and I. Reservations are made for GenCon. And I don't really have anything planned between May and August. Maybe I'll be home for a bit then. Ha ha. Something tells me that won't be as settled as I'm hoping.

In great news, I'm happier than ever. One day at a time with Cheruby and our cats, nothing can stop us.

So, let's get into the everything is coming up Cheruby story. He got a gig with a theatre in Meacham composing and playing for April and part of May. I'm very proud of him for that. He's actually going to be getting paid for doing something he loves. It's one of the best things in the world. He's getting his movie pitched next week by an agent in Vancouver. He had a request for his script by a production company in Toronto last week. He got offered a full time job that he was tempted by the money in but also was in a great position to turn down. Some people that are close to him are about to become parents. We're both over the moon for them. And we're very much in love. What could be better than that? [blush]

The Roof Is On Fire

2008-02-24T22:35:00.002-06:00

Well, not literally, but close. I tried to burn down my house. And not the usual ways like leaving something on the stove, leaving the oven on, or leaving the iron on. I lit a candle and didn't put a plate underneath. I checked on it a couple times because I was home the whole time, but then got caught up with laundry and messing about on the computer. The next time I went upstairs with clean laundry, I found some small flames trying desperately to gain more life by attacking a sock in the drawer beneath the solid wood dresser the candle had been on. The candle was completely gone. I got some cupfuls of water and doused the flames and filled the bedroom with a lot of smoke. I'm a little alarmed at no smoke detector action so I have to look into that. We're lucky that it was as warm as it is lately just because of the length of time the windows had to be open to clear it all out. Cheruby and I slept in the basement on the futon.

That poor sock.

I thought it was lucky I'd cleaned up earlier as there were papers on that dresser mere hours earlier, but then I remembered that I only found the candle because I moved the papers.

Today, Cheruby and I sanded off the char from the dresser and brought it back in the house. I will be Varathaning the newly characterized piece tonight so that we can put it back in the bedroom.

The way I see it is that I have to make mistakes once in a while, and I do because I'm only human, I might as well do it up right. [grin] One of the cats even had wax drippings in the fur on his head and none of them came to tell me there was a problem. I now have to admit that cats really aren't good for anything at all.

When Cheruby came home and saw what I'd done, he laughed. I really like that guy. [sigh]

Big Sigh

2008-02-11T19:30:00.000-06:00

It's not done yet - this big project I'm working on. I'm tired, but happy to be working on it at home and not in some other city. I missed being at home. I've been crying way too much for my own liking. I'm tired of it, but as soon as I get enough sleep, the situation hits me again and I cry.

Nobody really wants to hear about that though.

Hmmm... let's talk about something else. While Rilla had to choose extraction rather than root canal with cap and crown, Cheruby and I chose the root canal route. Of course, she didn't tell us about the additional cap and crown costs. I don't think we'd have done it any differently, but still, I like to know these things. Cheruby is nursing his face back to health with video games. It wasn't just a root canal today, he also got a filling and a wisdom tooth extracted as well. I don't know exactly how much pain he's in because he's pretty happy to be playing Warhawk with Buddy. In a month, Cheruby gets to have more fillings and another wisdom tooth extracted. And then after that, he gets the cap and crown.

While that was more fun than the first bit of news, still not on the good side of the scale.

I get to see my niece this weekend! YAY!

I had a corset fitting a while ago. YAY!

I got to see my mom on her birthday. YAY!

I got to meet a very cute baby who lives in Calgary. YAY!

Hopefully, I'll be more exciting soon.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

2008-01-19T01:29:00.000-06:00

Looks like I've reverted to my old ways with blogging once every two weeks. Of course, I have a good excuse - being away from home for 3 of the last six weeks and having to go away next week too. I figured I could steal the song title thing from TUO just this once since she's unlikely to use this one.

I'm really hoping that this is the last trip away from home. I don't want to go again. Too much to do here with my normal job and life.

On the fun side, I started playing Exalted with some friends every second Saturday night. I think that's nifty. I'll have to get some travel equipment (web cam and microphone) so that I can play from wherever my travels take me. That'd be cool.

Cheruby and I also got Rockband this week. We've played it almost every day. Cheruby has played it every day, but I got sick and slept for almost 12 hours on Wednesday night.

I'm already playing songs on medium with the drums. I'm not even going to try the guitar or bass. I suck at singing, but it says I'm good at it on easy. Heh. I can hardly wait until February when we can get the second guitar so we can have four people in our band. YAY!

The weekend is looking great so far and I'm trying not to get stressed about next week.

Suz's Review of Her 2007

2007-12-31T14:07:00.000-06:00

Holy speeding year, Batman! Did you see that? 2007 is almost gone. Mere hours to go and I have a houseful of wonderful people, cats and food. It couldn't end much better.

Last year, Cheruby and I rang in the new year at his house with his friends. It was alright, but I was just happy to be with him.

January started with a great trip to Edmonton. I got to see so many great friends and had a wonderful time. Cheruby and I started playing Mage. I got pretty sick in January too, sick enough to keep me from work which is not as easy as you might think. I got a flu shot this year for the first time since I was in high school. We took a weekend trip to Christopher Lake to visit Cheruby's aunt and uncle. Those are always enjoyable. We also started playing Low Life with Drang and SocChick.

February was filled with games of Low Life and Mage, supper at EE Burrito's with Cheruby's mom, Irish sessions at Cluricaune Pub and Lydia's, and tulip deliveries. We started playing In Nomine which Cheruby runs. A friend needed some support so we spent a long time creating a CD just for her. Cheruby and his cousin had a falling out. And Cheruby and I spent our first Saskatchewan Family Day with my parents quite far north at Little Bear Lake in a wonderful cabin. We all went ice fishing and went for rides on snow-mobiles. I also started exercising regularly. Cheruby's cat moved into my house and Cheruby never slept in his own bed at his house again.

March brought about my viewing of Pan's Labyrinth which was uplifting for me. Another trip to Edmonton was upon me, but just me this time as I bought a ticket from a friend who could no longer go. Mage, Low Life and In Nomine once again kept us busy. My friends lives were quite tumultuous, but results have been for the best. I care about them all very much so it was hard for me to be objective about anything. Dinner at the Ivy was good. There was also a board meeting for the Canadian Cancer Society. Babyface also stayed here for quite a while when he started his new job. I was happy to have him and his family moving back to Saskatoon. My mom and I helped with the moving in for a while. I also proctored an exam for a friend's sister. The fabulous people from Edmonton came up for a game and stayed with us. I got to hang out with quirkykitten which I enjoyed immensely. I continued my swimming goodness.

In April, Cheruby officially moved in. He arranged a garage sale and sold a lot of his stuff. I sold a little of my stuff to make some room for him. I need a lot more storage space than he does. We also celebrated our first anniversary even though we were in different cities. I was on a business trip to Winnipeg at the time. I also spent some time in Edmonton at the beginning of the month. As usual, there were lots of games being played. I spent some time with friends and my mom came to visit.

May brought about time off that was packed with family. My brother finally married the mother of his children. YAY! And Cheruby's sister married the man of her dreams two weeks later. In amongst all that, I saw some great friends who live in Calgary and had a party at my house to see a lot of other great friends who came from afar to attend another friend's wedding that was the same day as Cheruby's sister. Games and time with more friends made this a very busy month. I was happy to have Cheruby with me to help me stay sane.

June started with a party hosted by the dear Rilla and Em. I stayed with the dear Neuba when I went to Edmonton. She was my date for a friend's wedding - traditional Chinese wedding with all the crazy courses of which I tried every single one. Then I was off to Winnipeg for work again. And then off to Toronto for work. I enjoyed being able to see so many of my colleagues who work very far away from me. And then to Lake Namekus for Cheruby's birthday celebration with a stop at his uncle's. I think the rest of the month was spent just enjoying being at home with my angel.

July began with the usual International White Trash Week celebrations in Regina with Cenobyte and His Nibs. This time Cheruby and I were actually able to attend. We also got to pretend to be a werewolf pack which was a ton of fun. Ril and I went to Regina again this month to see a psychic but she was broken. Furnace shopping and meetings with the bank also happened this month and took quite a bit of time. Off to Winnipeg for more meetings for work.

I had some vacation time in August again. I journeyed to Calgary to get my niece and nephew and spend some time with my friends. We shopped and went camping at Tobin Lake with my parents and had a good time. We hosted our first movie night on our countdown of AFI's Top 100 Movies of all time. I had my appeal board hearing this month on the ongoing issue of my eavestroughs. We helped Lando celebrate her birthday. Cheruby also made the semi-finals in an international screen writing competition. To celebrate, we had supper at Taverna and saw two movies in one night - Transformers and Stardust. It was a great evening and month. We kept up with our usual gaming and event schedule as much as possible. Cheruby's cousin called and they made up.

September started with a week of vacation time which was very needed although it was mostly spent doing home repairs with my dad. I spent time with mom as well which was great. We got to go on a riverboat cruise with work which was pretty cool. And I got to spend a lot of time with friends. Gaming and movie nights continued with great success. We met up with Cheruby's aunt and uncle from the states. There was a wonderful breakfast with all the people that were eating at the Ivy earlier in the year.

October saw the completion of my eavestroughs thanks to my dad. As well, we had the furnace and water heater replaced, an air conditioner installed, and the wood fireplace replaced with a gas fireplace. We spent some time in La Ronge with Cheruby's dad. Another week of vacation which was also very needed and actually relaxing this time. I got to see a friend through work who moved quite a few years ago. The lovely Edmonton folks came for a visit. Cheruby and I attended the Echoes of Erin concert which was great. Movie nights continued with D&G being our regulars. I have very much enjoyed their company.

In November, I had another week of vacation. Cheruby and I drove out to the coast and spent a few days visiting those in Vancouver. I got to see some of my friends from work in Vancouver. I treated Cheruby to an evening in Jasper which was very lovely. We drove Calgary to Vancouver then back through Edmonton to get home. It was a wonderful vacation. The Edmonton folks came up for their final visit for a long time as the game they were playing in was finishing. I love having them here. We listened to over 40 hours of Christmas music in November for our Christmas project. I also accepted a position as the Canadian Cancer Society Saskatoon board president.

December started with a trip home to visit my parents and hang out. I enjoyed the weekend with no expectations, just enjoyment of their company. I spent two weeks working in Calgary just before Christmas which was hard, but I very much enjoyed the time spent with colleagues I rarely get to see. We even got to go to the mountains - it was the first time ever for one of my colleagues. I spent a weekend in Regina for my first provincial Canadian Cancer Society board meeting. I also hosted a psychic party at my house one weekend. Bne came home with me from Calgary and has been a great house guest and company.

Tonight is New Years' Eve. I hope to see a lot of my friends and wish them the best. To those of you I can't see in person, I love you all and will see you in 2008.

Nerdling Fun

2007-12-29T13:58:00.000-06:00

I Am A: Neutral Good Human Ranger/Sorcerer (2nd/2nd Level)

Ability Scores:

Strength-12

Dexterity-11

Constitution-13

Intelligence-17

Wisdom-14

Charisma-17

Alignment:
Neutral Good A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because because it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Primary Class:
Rangers are skilled stalkers and hunters who make their home in the woods. Their martial skill is nearly the equal of the fighter, but they lack the latter's dedication to the craft of fighting. Instead, the ranger focuses his skills and training on a specific enemy a type of creature he bears a vengeful grudge against and hunts above all others. Rangers often accept the role of protector, aiding those who live in or travel through the woods. His skills allow him to move quietly and stick to the shadows, especially in natural settings, and he also has special knowledge of certain types of creatures. Finally, an experienced ranger has such a tie to nature that he can actually draw on natural power to cast divine spells, much as a druid does, and like a druid he is often accompanied by animal companions. A ranger's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

Secondary Class:
Sorcerers are arcane spellcasters who manipulate magic energy with imagination and talent rather than studious discipline. They have no books, no mentors, no theories just raw power that they direct at will. Sorcerers know fewer spells than wizards do and acquire them more slowly, but they can cast individual spells more often and have no need to prepare their incantations ahead of time. Also unlike wizards, sorcerers cannot specialize in a school of magic. Since sorcerers gain their powers without undergoing the years of rigorous study that wizards go through, they have more time to learn fighting skills and are proficient with simple weapons. Charisma is very important for sorcerers; the higher their value in this ability, the higher the spell level they can cast.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

Detailed Results:

Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (21)
Neutral Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (25)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (19)
Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (18)
True Neutral ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (22)
Chaotic Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (16)
Lawful Evil ----- XXXXXXXXX (9)
Neutral Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
Chaotic Evil ---- XXXXXXX (7)

Law & Chaos:
Law ----- XXXXXXX (7)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Chaos --- XXXXX (5)

Good & Evil:
Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Evil ---- XX (2)

Race:
Human ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Dwarf ---- XXXXXX (6)
Elf ------ XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Gnome ---- XXXXXXXX (8)
Halfling - XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Half-Elf - XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Half-Orc - (-2)

Class:
Barbarian - (-6)
Bard ------ (-6)
Cleric ---- (0)
Druid ----- XX (2)
Fighter --- (-4)
Monk ------ (-21)
Paladin --- (-23)
Ranger ---- XXXXXX (6)
Rogue ----- XX (2)
Sorcerer -- XXXXXX (6)
Wizard ---- XX (2)

Ah, Christmas

2007-12-27T22:10:00.000-06:00

Oddly enough, I thought I did pretty well this Christmas. I had it all planned. Even with my gallivanting around the country, I managed to be done Christmas shopping a week and a half before the big day. I think I started to relax after that and got sloppy because nothing much seemed to get done after that. In fact, not all presents bought have been sent to their recipients and some haven't even been wrapped. Although, we're close now as things have been done on an as needed basis.

There was one other added request for my support which I gave willingly, but kind of left me without the energy to be social and energetic. Cheruby was very good to me and made sure that I knew it was okay to not be that way. I had a good time.

Bne has been here since last Thursday. We drove home together on the evening/night of the 20th. It was mostly a good drive, but close to Saskatoon it got a little bit more miserable. I was pretty useless at work on Friday, but managed a nap before Lando's wedding which made it better. That and I got to hear my angel play and sit next to Babyface who made me laugh and giggle. It was all good.

Saturday, Bne and I watched Six Feet Under all day. We got through over half of the last season. it was good. Only 5 more episodes to go. Part of me just wants it to be done. I want off this ride. The other part of me knows that once it's done, I will be sad and I don't necessarily want to be sad.

We had some folks over on Sunday to enjoy some good company. I liked it although I had to leave everyone downstairs at about 1:30 so I could sleep as I had to work Monday. And work I did - 8 a.m. until 7 p.m. Somebody had to be there for the staff who were there until 5 p.m. Pacific time. That's okay, I don't have to work New Years Eve at all.

Christmas Eve, Cheruby and I exchanged gifts. I was so excited to be able to tell him about GenCon. I couldn't possibly make it to his birthday in June to tell him since registration begins in February. He's very excited to have others included in the trip as well. Although, he doesn't know about the costuming yet and I'm particularly excited about that. I got my elf, Elvin. [squee]

Christmas day was sleepy. But we got up and wrapped presents and went to Cheruby's mom's house to open presents. I felt quite spoiled. Then Cheruby made us wonderful Christmas breakfast which we all enjoyed. We played a bit of Tetris before coming home for a nap and opening presents with my lovely folks. Then it was back to Cheruby's mom's for Christmas dinner. Last year, she made sweet gravy due to a mix up with icing sugar and flour. This year, she spewed wine over the table when my mom asked her very politely how long she'd been hearing "these" stories. Stories about anything and everything from Cheruby. It was very funny. I nearly died laughing but only because my mom was there. We get a little silly sometimes.

Boxing day wasn't as sleepy as I would have liked in the morning, but in the afternoon, I got my nap. Cheruby's dad showed up and met my folks. It was good and I was very tired. They went off to a shindig at one of Cheruby's band mate's and I went to visit Ril, Kaz, and Bne. We played a partial game of Runebound where I could do no wrong. It turned out to be just what I needed because I returned home feeling much better than I had in many days. I was quite surprised by the effect that few hours had had on me, but very thankful because I was starting to tire of feeling broken.

Today was even a good day at work and I managed to keep my energy up until 3:30. I napped and then we watched The Raiders of the Lost Ark. And I am currently winding down for sleep again. I have to go in again tomorrow as Bne is sleeping in my home office. If I get lots of sleep tonight, I think I will be mostly recovered from my over expenditure of energy and be ready to enjoy my upcoming 4-day weekend.

And tomorrow, I get to see Buttery B and Neuba which I am very much looking forward to. The movie might be okay, but I'm more interested in the company.

Healing

2007-12-17T00:36:00.000-06:00

I was fairly upset about having to leave Saskatoon to come back to Calgary today. I wanted to stay home and be with my angel and be surrounded by my things and be able to sleep in my bed. Alas, it was not to be. By my choice, of course, but sometimes that only makes it necessary and not easy.

On the drive, I was feeling lonely. I didn't like it. I phoned Cheruby and that helped a lot, but I still felt sad afterward. So I reached to hold the hand of someone described to me last weekend. And there I was, holding hands with this man. It felt right. And then I gave him all those negative feelings I was experiencing. I felt them all leaving and it was good. I felt the hand I was holding let go and start to withdraw. Instinctively, I scrabbled to keep ahold of it to keep the feeling, but quickly realized that it was okay. I was okay.

I thought of lots of rationalizations for this sudden shift in mood. I had a lot of time to think along the drive. But I want to believe that there is a hand for me to hold when I need it. So for me, that's what happened.

Lost

2007-12-16T13:22:00.001-06:00

This isn't what blogs are for, but I seem to be missing my Blue Moon game and additional decks. Has anyone seen them?

HOME!!

2007-12-14T21:59:00.000-06:00

Things have been cra-a-azeee lately. Holy to-do lists, Batman!

Recap:

After spending the weekend at home with my folks two weeks ago, I came into work the next Monday morning to read about a project for a large client that was going to have some incentives that were pretty sweet. I know my team is awesome and can do without me for a while. They are pretty self-sufficient, but like to have me around to do my manager-thing which mostly involves giving the people making their lives harder than necessary what-for and helping them come up with the most efficient solution to a situation.

I digress and I'm realizing this is going to be a story rather than a recap. Oh well. It's making me happy.

After being on stand-by for most of last week, I finally get the go ahead that we're really going to Calgary for the next week (this past week). That was a really stressful couple of days because I had to figure out what was on my to-do lists, cut things that weren't going to get done, figure out what I could pass off to Jeremy (not that easy for me as most of you know), and do as much of my stuff as possible before flying out on Sunday night.

I also had to fit in all of my regularly scheduled programming for last weekend - leaving work early to drive very quickly to Regina for a Canadian Cancer Society (CCS) board meeting which turned out to be 6.5 hours of budget-talk on Friday night and 2 hours of budget-talk on Saturday with a couple more hours of much more interesting stuff, but I was so tired by then that I wasn't as enthusiastic as I could have been.

His Nibs and Cenobyte (in absentia) were kind enough to put me up for the Friday night at their place which I enjoyed greatly. I was hoping to spend more time with them that night, but I went to bed and crashed before having to be back at the board meeting early in the morning.

After the board meeting on Saturday, I went to one of my favourite stores in Regina called the paper umbrella where I bought a *fabulous* pen. I've been using it all week and I'm not sure it's going to last if I keep doing that, but really, what else is a pen for? It's really making the project work easier by the happiness it brings me.

Then I got to see my brother and dad. I watched my brother spend scads of money at Home Depot on stuff for his new bathroom. My dad is still in Regina by himself working away at the new bathroom. I love their house there and it's even better that it is so much closer to me! We had some pizza and munchies together and I toured the house. I gave them some much needed advice on sound-proofing the wall between the new spa tub and my nephew's room. What would they have done without me, eh? [grin]

Leaving my brother and dad to start rebuilding the bathroom, I headed back out to Lumsden for the company. I sat with cenobyte for a bit and we watched Ghost Whisperer. She told me a little more about her visit with the psychic and just gabbed for a while. It was really good. I'm so looking forward to spending more time with her in the next year.

Anyway, I stayed a little longer than I should have there because I was expecting my mom to be coming to my house in Saskatoon that night. Oddly enough, I beat her home and I got there at 11:30! She followed Cheruby home from the Mage game though which was pretty coincidental. She thought it was me because he was driving my car. Having the puppy in the house was pretty awesome though. Cheruby liked it.

Sunday was an adventure - up early enough to run errands at CostCo and Peavey Mart and clean the house (mainly my office) before the psychic showed up. Mom went first and it was pretty traumatic for her. Rilla went second and was very happy with the experience. A nervous Cheruby was next, but got some information he was looking for and was happy he'd done it. All of those people were in with her for over an hour. My turn was last and she had a really tough time getting started with my reading. For about 30 minutes, she couldn't see any of my issues. Nice thought, but not quite. I was happy enough with the reading, but it didn't last as long as the others. It was interesting although with all the hub-bub in my head with to-do lists, I didn't retain a lot of it and this time, it wasn't taped. I really wished AJ had been there.

My mom, Cheruby and I hung out for a couple hours after she left. Then I packed in a frenzy and was off to the airport for my flight to Calgary.

Calgary I can recap: 12 hours of work a day, eating and sleeping. Throw in a niece's Christmas concert as well as a nephew's Christmas concert and you have my week. I didn't have wheels to get around so I was quite trapped. I had thought I might see Bne and Ferlak tonight, but changed my flight because I needed home for a rest.

Tomorrow, I had some shopping to finish, a rental car to pick up, and laundry to do. There is a party being hosted at my house. Fudge needs making as well as finishing up some Christmas presents. Cards need to be addressed and sent and then I'm back on the road Sunday headed for Calgary again. I'm hoping next week isn't as grueling, but I'm guessing it might be even worse. It's going to end well because I get to drive back with company in the car. YAY!

Big and Small Things

2007-12-04T17:51:00.000-06:00

After a month of blogging, I was surprised to find myself wanting to do it. Of course, blogging usually takes time just before bed which meant that I was getting less sleep because of it. And this weekend, I was allowed to go to bed without blogging. I slept over 9 hours on Friday and Saturday nights each. It pleased me.

So there are big things that may not happen like my working in Calgary for the next week or two. We'll see how long the project takes. This seriously cuts into my holiday plans, but I'll manage.

My brother is moving to Regina, which you all know by now, and that's big. I'm going to be in Regina to help with all the stuff the weekend after Christmas. That means that mom and dad, who are also going to Regina to help that weekend, aren't going to be in Saskatoon for Christmas. I'm a little sad about that. Okay, a lot sad. I love being with my parents, but they don't like to be away from home for too long. And especially with the new puppy, they'll want to be close to home. Part of me is being selfish too because I don't know where I would put everyone in my house. With Bne coming and my parents and Cheruby's dad, I just have no idea where they would all go now that my office and Cheruby's office have all kinds of stuff in them.

I'm going a little crazy with my Christmas plans. I have a pretty big to do list and not a lot of time with weeks in Calgary now taking those evenings away. Ah well, you know what, everything will be just fine. Christmas will come and go and I will be happy for all the company and love filling my house. It doesn't get much better than that.

Being at home this weekend, I was able to visit with my mom and do some crafty business with my very talented aunt BB and my mom. We went tromping around in the snow-filled bush in the country side. It was awesome. I loved it. And we decorate BB's Christmas tree which is too tall for me to get to the top of even with a six foot ladder. It is totally awesome and cool. BB only recently converted to a fake tree. For most of their years in the house, they would get a real one which was about the same size as the fake one if not bigger.

Photo Finish

2007-11-30T17:02:00.000-06:00

Here I am, blogging my last post for NaBloPoMo. I have to say that it's been harrowing and boring and sometime exciting. I very much enjoyed the writing part while in the car on the drive. It felt great to just write and not have to worry about anything else. Unfortunately, without all the hubbub of being on vacation, there wasn't as much to write about after I got back. I also didn't feel as much like spending hours writing because of all the other things in my life that I am doing.

While some people didn't think they'd make it through the month, I never once considered that I wouldn't do it. You see, I was in a competition which means I don't give up. The number of times that my eyes were barely open and it was after 11:30 at night during the month was a little too much. Cheruby was constantly whining for me to come to bed or just playing Oblivion to be "with" me.

The best part about this whole thing was the friendly competition between Rilla and I. And to prove who's better, here's the scoreboard. (A Short Post is less than 300 words, a Moderate Post is 300 to 699 words, and a Long Post is more than 700 words.)

Word Count Comparison

	Rilla	Suz
November 1	315	220
November 2	214	0
November 2	1957	606
November 3	366	402
November 4	461	716
November 5	241	391
November 6	513	0
November 6	650	234
November 7	174	287
November 8	190	153
November 9	559	0
November 9	114	234
November 10	265	1205
November 11	369	893
November 12	369	315
November 13	418	834
November 14	362	359
November 15	697	521
November 16	665	431
November 17	132	203
November 18	154	621
November 19	261	148
November 20	1037	450
November 21	562	556
November 22	811	742
November 23	157	396
November 24	474	136
November 25	251	521
November 26	308	215
November 27	581	310
November 28	175	183
November 29	499	250
November 30	684	749
Total Words	14985	13281
Total Posts	33	30

Points Earned

	Rilla	Suz
Short Posts (5 points each)	36	42
Moderate Posts (10 points each)	108	60
Long Posts (15 points each)	27	54
Posts with Photos (1 point each)	9	3
Fabulous Posts (7 points each)	21	35
Posts Above Mandatory (4 points)	12	0
Posts About NaBloPoMo (-2 points each)	-10	-4
Completion Bonus (25 points)	25	25
Total	228	215

As you can plainly see, the best blogger won here. I thought there was some trickery about in Rilla's blog style. Making stuff up, double posting from another blog (I posted on that other blog too and didn't double post), making promises that weren't kept, taking a post from another friend's blog, and posting about NaBloPoMo itself are most of the shenanigans pulled off by my esteemed competitor in the name of winning. Of course, I am guilty of a few of those myself, but not in the abundance that she had the audacity for.

It's a good thing that all of that means nothing and I love Rilla to bits.

Getting all the figures together for the things I thought were important to blogging, I began to be a little bit more objective. And quite frankly, I'd rather read Rilla's blog than my own. As I mentioned in my Bored Now post, I am essentially lazy and don't want to put in the effort, except that it took over 2 hours to write this post. Rilla, on the other hand, gets a lot more out of creative works and writing. I don't take that for granted just because she's now a Master of English. Most of the time, she really loves it. That makes me happy that she loves it. I remember finding her on the floor in a Chapters pouring over books of poetry and being enthralled by it. I wish I had a picture of that because although most people would just see Rilla sitting on the floor surrounded by books which is happy in itself, I would see Rilla in love and experience that feeling of seeing her again. I sat down next to her wanting to be included in the feeling, but alas, that's not for me. I get my rapture elsewhere. And in fact, it's with me right now in that memory of my dear friend.

There's No Place Like Home

2007-11-29T18:43:00.000-06:00

This weekend, I will be heading to Nipawin alone. Cheruby has elected to stay in the city to play video games with his cousin. I'm going to be relaxing and being taken care of as soon as I step through the door at my parent's house. I do want to do some crafts with my mom, but we both love it so it'll still be good. I have a bunch of Christmas presents to make in the spirit of saving money. I don't have a lot of spare change this year. Renovations are very pricey. That's okay because most people like to know that there is effort put into their presents.

So, my plan is to drive home in the daylight of Saturday morning and hang out with my folks and their new puppy all weekend. I'm looking forward to meeting the new little one, actually. I'm really hoping that he's cuter than his pictures because he looks very sad. I would be sad too if the comfort of the only people I'd ever known took me away from my mom and left me with people I don't know. He plays a lot more than my parents first dog ever did and eats three times as much.

I'll be home Sunday night with all my finished crafts and be very happy to see my beloved angel.

Oh yeah, and with all the blog disappearances, I have now backed up my blog. It makes me very happy to have done so.

Giggles

2007-11-28T21:23:00.000-06:00

I had the giggles all day today. Everything was making me laugh. Poor Cheruby didn't know what to do with me because he was feeling crappy today. I laughed until my belly hurt at least half a dozen times. It was wonderful.

Work today was oddly productive and I felt like I was accomplishing things which is nice. And then after work, Cheruby and I had a short nap with the cats. We're getting very close to being done a project we've been working on as well. That's exciting.

I've been shoveling or sweeping the snow everyday and have been loving it. Go figure! It's been quite cold out for November and I haven't minded that much.

And then, with Cheruby at band practice tonight, I got to go SHOPPING! I got stocking stuffers and Christmas wear for the kiddenz and Christmas cards and it was a jolly good time! And with Christmas hats and collars on the kiddenz, I don't think this day can get much better. Especially since I'm one day closer to the end of this posting every day thingy.

Cousins

2007-11-27T22:37:00.000-06:00

Cousins are good people to have in our lives. The ties are a mix of friendship and blood which makes it stronger somehow. I have so many cousins that I don't even know them all and that's just first cousins. I don't even want to think about second cousins and cousins removed. Yikes! My mom is the youngest of twelve (gasp!) kids and there are a lot of marriages and kids from there and then my dad has four siblings that have also procreated. It just gets so confusing. I'm just proud of myself that I can remember all my mom's and dad's siblings names. I think I'm almost there with all the spouses of those siblings as well. But the cousins are way out of my league.

So, today, Cheruby's cousin got laid off from his job for the winter. You see, he's in construction. Normally, he'd be able to work, but he did some dumb things and got himself laid off. He first refused to work for a relative of the owner on a particular project because, apparently, the relative was dumb. So, he was transferred to another job site where he had to go up and down an icy hill which was killing his already bad knees. So after a week of that, he refused to work on that project and thusly, is now collecting employment insurance.

After doing these silly things he got a little depressed and called Cheruby to go out there with some video games to comfort him. [sigh] Cheruby can't say no to his cousin so off he went to play video games and get fed by his cousin's wife who loves to cook. I wish I could cut out of work early to go play video games. Cheruby just be putting in the work time on the weekend, I suppose.

Silly cousins.

Shopping

2007-11-26T21:36:00.000-06:00

You know, there are days when I LOVE shopping. Shopping makes me happy because I find things that I like and things that the people I love will like. At Christmas time, I'm allowed to indulge those year round impulses to buy stuff. And when I go shopping early enough, which is within the next two weeks, there aren't enough people in the stores to drive me nutty.

So, tonight, Cheruby and I went shopping. He was acting a little ... unhappy. So I asked if he was Angry and he said yes. It crushed me! Apparently, I was really wanting Cheruby to enjoy Christmas shopping with me. He says that he was just a little irritated, but that's just a degree of anger. I completely agree with that, but anger can range from violent rage to minor annoyance. He was completely willing to just suck it up, but I was so distraught at the thought of him being angry at all with being there that I couldn't even think about enjoying myself.

We'll have to try again because we didn't end up in another store after the first one. I'll have a better expectation next time and hopefully, Cheruby will be able to enjoy himself like he does when he's picking out Matt's Christmas comics.

Bored Now

2007-11-25T18:00:00.000-06:00

At a very basic level, I'm lazy. It's the reason I didn't finish university. I can put a lot of different names on that, but really, I wanted to spend time with my friends rather than go to class or study because it was fun and more importantly, easier. I don't regret not finishing university even with the student loans I'm still paying off. I don't feel that I would be in a better place if I had finished. My brother has a degree, but doesn't use it. Cheruby has a degree but doesn't use it. I'm happy with my life.

Part of the reason my neighbour keeps getting upset is because I don't do things RIGHT NOW. Well, I don't have the inclination to do things most of the time. The things to do are nice to haves for me, not necessities. Sure, it would've been easier to prop up the front step a little when the ground wasn't partially frozen, but thems the breaks.

Of course, when I put my mind to something, it's incredibly difficult to try to stop me. Take NaBloPoMo for example. I'm very sorry I ever challenged Rilla. It takes a lot of time to do a proper blog post in my opinion. Most of mine have been half-assed because it's just filling the page, not actually talking about important stuff. Like all the stuff about our vacation to Vancouver. All that could have been happily summarized into one post that people would have been much happier to read. I was so prolific mostly because of all the time in the car while Cheruby was driving, but it wasn't needed.

Yesterday, I totally stole from Rilla and didn't get a single comment about it. That really shows me how much people are caring that I'm writing this much. Trust me, we're in the same boat. We'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming shortly. I still feel guilty about that, by the way.

I would ask for ideas, but I don't really want to just start making stuff up. I'm not that sort of girl. I don't usually find made up stuff funny. Cheruby has been trying to pin down my funny factors. It's mostly absurdity and nonsensical humour but even that can go too far very easily with me. Comedies I've like include "Little Miss Sunshine" and "The Full Monty." These two movies have a real emotional touch to them. That's why I like romantic comedies as well. I'm a sucker for a happy ending.

Cheruby and I have talked about my reluctance to do creative works like writing. I don't want to go through all the effort of creating something and then have other people not see it as beautifully as I do. And being creative is hard and time consuming. I'd rather be lazy and be entertained. Just ask my mom, I've always wanted to be entertained.

Alright, enough blathering for today. Only 5 more days to go. And I'm not going to take it personally that no one wants to know the things I think about them from yesterday's stolen post. ;)

But I Don't Use LJ

2007-11-24T10:57:00.000-06:00

And from the incredible, undeniable, one-and-only Rilla:

Binary Kitten drew me into an LJ meme which I shall have to adapt somehow to make sense for my bloggery.

If you comment, I will...

1. Tell you how we met (online or otherwise).
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours, or photo if you don't have one.
7. In return, you must post this in your blog (if you want).

I tried last night to find the one similar to this that cenobyte did months and months ago but couldn't find it in her archives.

One of Those Days

2007-11-23T19:27:00.000-06:00

Nothing seemed quite right today. I woke up with a headache. It wasn't bad headache but should have been bearable. The slightly not right belly wouldn't normally even be worth a mention. The sluggishness seemed to be fused with my limbs rather than just resting there. And the morning fog in my brain refused to lift. I tried to work for 2 and a half hours like that. I could barely carry on a conversation. I was just closing down when a fellow manager phoned me and I couldn't keep it together - I was so close to tears. What the HELL?!?!

Apparently, I was a real kicker last night in my sleep. I kept waking Cheruby up with kicking him. That's not nice. And then, I apparently rolled completely on top of him. How on earth did I sleep through that? And besides, that's not an easy feat for me. I try to do that when I'm teasing him about taking up too much of the bed and I can't. Of course, normally, I'm laughing too hard.

I like to blame dear luna for these things and so I will again. It's a full moon tonight.

After shutting off my work computer, I went straight to bed and slept for another 3 hours. I woke up a few times with kittens sleeping on me, but I'm cool with that. In fact, it made it better. Of course, the best thing about the nap was Cheruby curled up next to me and holding me. It was like he was holding me together when the world was trying to rip me apart.

I woke up still with the headache, but the fog had lifted a little. My arms and legs felt like they could move more and my belly was just feeling hungry which is more normal. I went back to work because I could do that when it's across the hall.

Cheruby resumed the laundry and made us something to eat. That helped with the headache a little more and removed the rest of the sluggishness. And then he phoned an agent and left a message for her. I really hope that he gets a return phone call. He was so nervous about it.

And now it is evening and I am home alone with my thoughts. It's good and I'm thankful the day is almost over.

What's Wrong With My Name?

2007-11-22T22:32:00.001-06:00

I'll tell you what's wrong with it as there are several things.

Let's start with Susan vs. Suzanne. These are two different names and they are pronounced differently as well. Yes, they are similar, but Susan ends in a schwa ə sound for the a before the n. Whereas in Suzanne, you are pronouncing the a as a short a ă as in Anne. This difference in vowel pronunciation affects the en sound at the end of each name. I've always thought that the ə + n sounds lazier than the ă + n sound.

Then we can talk about the middle s in Susan vs. the z in Suzanne. They both sound the same, but I prefer the z for spelling and aesthetic reasons. I like zeds in general as they aren't as commonplace as esses. This my nickname, Suzi, look less sissyish. Check out Susi. Try putting a soft ess sound for the second ess there. It just doesn't work. With the zed, there is no confusion.

Now, let's talk about my last name. Short e Ĕ, two ens, ess. I happen to like it a lot for its brevity. When people see it written, they rarely mispronounce or maim it. I don't think I can recall a time that someone has actually. However, saying it so that someone can write it down is almost impossible which makes identifying myself over the phone quite difficult sometimes. Those most difficult times are also marked by the person trying to understand my last name having a different first language than English and I'm going by my nickname instead of my given name.

You see, my nickname runs into my last name in a sometimes very confusing way - suzienns. I have to pause longer than usual in between my first and last name than I would for others like my angel. With vowel sounds, ē and ĕ, together, it doesn't create a natural pause as most other names. It could have something to do with them both being ee sounds as well. I have developed a particular way of speaking and spelling my informal name that lends itself to be more easily understood which helps me not be frustrated with them. I say my nickname, then spell it. Then I pause for a moment. This pause is very important for processing that what comes next is going to be a new word. I then say my last name, pause again, and spell my last name. I also pause after the first letter of my last name to give it more emphasis that it is its own letter before continuing with the last three letters. That is the most effective way to do it. I can usually gauge the perceptiveness of the person I'm speaking to and can vary the above process up a little and remove explanatory bits to shorten it up a bit. Sometimes it backfires and I have to do it more than once.

I very naturally have developed the best way to spell my name out loud to avoid confusion over the years. My friend TUO wouldn't know about any of these difficulties as she'd never experienced them. And then she made a phone call for me to confirm a reservation. She was quite frustrated by the end of the call because it took her about 5 minutes to get the woman to spell my name properly to find my reservation. Her comment as she hung up the phone was, "Did I not say the E?!?" It was then I truly realized the importance of my method and sympathized with her frustration.

The only place I go by my given name is at work and other professional settings. In these settings, I'm able to write my name down myself or email someone where my full name is spelled out in the email address. When verbally providing my work email address, the underscore in the middle between my first and last names provides the pause necessary for the recipient to process the initial E in my last name properly.

The only other thing is that there are TWO ens in my last name. People like to sometimes only hear one.

And I'm not even going to get into how lucky I am that my first name rhymes with a female body part.

After all that, let me tell you one other thing. I like my name. It's interesting and gives me something to rant about.

My Mom

2007-11-21T19:33:00.000-06:00

There ~~are very few people~~ is no one that can do what she does for me.

It took me about five minutes to write that sentence. I don't know if I can describe my mom and what she means to me. I don't know if there are enough words to capture every nuance of why I love her so much.

Yesterday, the woman who wants to help me asked what I used to do to feel better before Cheruby was here. And one of the answers was, "Call my mom." And that made me a little sad. And then she asked me if I could still do that and of course I can. And then, in my head, all these crazy thoughts started whirling about. Like, "Why don't I call my mom? Oh yeah, because I want Cheruby to be able to be there for me instead. It's better. But why not still call my mom? It doesn't take anything away from Cheruby, really. And it does me a world of good. But what happens when she's not there anymore? ... " And then I started paying attention to the conversation in the room again because I didn't want to think about it anymore.

I'm very scared about that someday when she isn't there anymore. I don't know when that will be but I'm trying to grow up and not need my mommy anymore. I haven't been that successful. I didn't even realize I was doing it. I don't want to cut her out of my life. I want her to be a big part of it but it's going to hurt so bad when she goes.

And today, I was talking to my friend whose parents have been in and out of the hospital all year. I haven't seen her in a while because she's been taking care of her mom and dad while her mom recovers from heart surgery. She's having a really hard time watching her parents grow old. I don't think my parents are even close to that yet and I'm already really scared of it and pulling away. That's really not cool at all.

My mom phoned me today at work and apparently, they have a new puppy. For almost two weeks now, Zachary Amadeus has been in my parents life. I had no idea until today. Mom wouldn't even have mentioned it except in passing which is how I found out. And why the hell didn't I talk to her in so long? I know I was on vacation when she and dad got the puppy, but dang!

I realize it's not as serious as I think, but it sure is upsetting to realize that I'm scared of relying on her because she won't be here forever. And I know this is going to upset her quite a bit, but she knows I love her to bits. And she knows that there is nothing that would keep her from me or me from her if there was anything really important going on. All I need to do is ask. I really can't think of anything (non-evil) that she wouldn't do for me if I needed it.

And in all of that, I haven't described my mom in any concrete fashion. How do you describe light and goodness and love in physical form?

Feelings

2007-11-20T23:21:00.001-06:00

Today, I revisited someone who wants to help me. And not just help me, but help Cheruby too. It was nice to hear some of the things that I have been asking for to be echoed by someone else. She also made me feel less guilty for what I see as my own faults and especially my temper. She wants to help me with that.

She told me that before I start anything, I need to HALT and examine my motives. I need to ask myself if I'm Hungry and if I am just eat something before continuing. I need to ask myself if I'm Angry and if so, just tell someone that I'm angry and not be ashamed of it and try to hide it. I need to ask myself if I'm Lonely and if I am, reach out to someone like Cheruby or just call my mom. And lastly, I need to ask myself if I'm Tired and if yes, I need to deal with that first either by having a nap or walking around the block a couple times or punch my punching bag. Seems so simple, but in the middle of my emotional vortex, it's hard to stop sometimes.

I admitted today that I'm a little scared of myself sometimes. That's why my punching bag isn't up. The flood of emotion that I get when I hit it is kind of explosive. And rightly so, I guess - I am punching something. But, that's something I need to do to, put up my punching bag and use it. I remember a day when I wasn't feeling sociable - the type of mood where nothing can go well and I was supposed to go gaming with friends. I knew the night would be horrible if I didn't deal with my mood first. I decided to punch it out a little. Within 15 minutes, I was done and out the door with a smile on my face. My neighbour in the apartment building was coming with me and was a little frightened as he'd heard the ruckus, but that quickly faded when he noted how good a mood I was in. The guilt about my temper has been making it worse because I have been trying not to let it out at all instead of dealing with it constructively before it becomes destructive.

When I started writing this post, I was Angry, but didn't know why. I feel better now, but I don't know why. Does it matter or should I try to figure it out so it can maybe help me next time. Or maybe it just matters that I can be honest with myself about how I feel.

Vancouver Trip Pictures

2007-11-19T20:25:00.000-06:00

I didn't take that many photos from our trip, but I have to say that I'm fairly proud of the ones that I did take. I think my favourite is this one of Cheruby, Kevin, and Matt enjoying their shawarma in a tiny downtown cafe called Babylon Cafe. It is a dish that Cheruby desires often as he fell in love with it in when he lived in Vancouver. He would have one of these cookers in our house if he could.

And a picture of my angel in front of the steam clock.

Here's a merged view of the mountains from the balcony of hotel room in Jasper.

I mentioned the controlled fires on the side of the road on our way into Jasper, but they also had one right next to our hotel. It was huge.

There are a few others that I uploaded to Facebook.

Alberta Provincial Archives

2007-11-18T13:00:00.001-06:00

Cheruby's sister gave us a tour of the archives in Alberta on Saturday before we headed home. It was pretty cool. She is filling her head with a lot of information that she will never need again. What parts will be forgotten and what parts will be remembered? How many stories will she know that won't be her own? It's nice to meet people that enjoy their job at a basic level like that.

We were first introduced to the more public area, the Reading Room. There are separate sections in the Reading Room for local history and maps and photographs and encyclopedias and Alberta law books and homestead information. It was a round room with square little off-shoots to the rooms. I liked it. There was a display with World War I letters and documents which included a telegraph advising Mrs. Stanley that the government regretted to inform her that Pte Stanley had been killed in action on such and such a date. It seemed so cold, but that's how it was done. At least they paid for the characters to say, "We regret." Another document was the discharge papers for another soldier on compassionate grounds. I can't help but wonder what qualifies as compassionate grounds for the army during war time.

After the Reading Room, she showed us some of the vaults. We got to see archived stuff from CBC recordings to old manual tax record books (so cool!) to really old long play records to fragile hand-painted glass latern slides of plants to an over-sized photo of the guy that made the lantern slides. The shelving units and banks of lights and the cold storage and everything was so neat and way more high-tech than I would have thought. Of course, there were piles and piles of stuff in the hallways outside the vaults that hadn't been processed yet.

There is the librarian there who decides whether or not a book is historical significant or valuable enough to be stored there. If not, the donor gets to decide what they want done with it. And there are lots of Archivists there that make similar decisions about paperwork and documents and photos that come in. They don't just store government stuff there either. They also store private individual stuff. All the stuff Lando deals with comes in through the private sector.

The coolest thing of all was how truly interested Lando is in pretty much everything in there. Even the boring stuff was kind of interesting. She was so much fun to watch show us things in different vaults and talk about the environmental setting differences for different media and snooping in all the boxes of pictures and records. She was totally into the old fashioned card catalogues that they have. She was telling us about how they were trying to phase them out which is kind of part of her job.

It's also important to note that all the things we looked at are a matter of public record and anyone could ask to look at these things. They just wouldn't have the same experience because they would need to know what they were looking for and we got a personal tour of the facility and got to just poke around.

I have to say that it makes me want to go to the Saskatchewan Provincial Archives and poke around. But what would I poke around for? Lando mentioned that genealogists tend to come in and do research there. They look at the homestead papers and the tax books for counties which I thought was interesting. I should make a trip to Regina with my dad once my brother lives there and we can look into our family.

Homeward Bound

2007-11-17T20:02:00.000-06:00

I am sitting in the car on our way home. We are in Saskatchewan again after being away for 9 days. Cheruby is driving on the snow-wettened highway in between Lloydminster and North Battleford. Hall and Oates' Christmas album is playing. The fields surrounding us are like comforting blankets welcoming us back to where we belong.

We are missing the cats more than ever today. Thinking about how happy we will be to see them and how happy they will be to see us. The thought that we cleaned the house before we left is just calling us home quicker because we will have no to-do lists to think about until tomorrow and that's only unpacking and doing laundry.

Our plans are all made for when we get back to Saskatoon. We'll quickly unload the car of all the contents. Everything will be unceremoniously dumped onto the kitchen floor to be dealt with later. We'll turn on the fire place and turn up the heat. We'll grab some blankets and pillows and hunker down for the evening on the couch. The television will welcome us home with more stories from our Gilmore Girls. And tonight, we will sleep soundly in our own bed.

Missing The Kittens

2007-11-16T21:29:00.000-06:00

Two hours outside Edmonton, I started feeling the urge to skip Edmonton altogether and just go home. Of course, I just learned that I forgot half of my computer power cord in Vancouver. That may have put me in a I-want-to-be-in-the-comfort-of-my-home-with-my-stuff mood. It was plugged in behind a couch and I forgot that bit of it. Something always gets forgotten. I would prefer to have it back as soon as possible, but I may have to wait until Christmas when Matt comes to Saskatoon for the holidays. It's only a month. I have other means of powering my computer. It seems the simplest way to go even though I would really prefer to have it sooner.

Sleeping in a very nice king size bed was fabulous after too many nights on the air mattress. Both Cheruby and I have kinks in our neck and shoulders that need to be worked out. We slept for a blessed 9 hours and just puttered around Jasper until we got bored of that. We would have gone swimming and sat in the jacuzzi, but the pool was closed at our hotel for its annual cleaning. We pouted and could have gone to the neighbouring hotel's pool.

The sun greeted us when we went outside and I didn't realize how much I'd missed having the sun on my face and arms and street in front of me. There were patches of sunshine hitting the mountains which made the trees burst with green. It made me realize just how dreary Vancouver had been. It's funny, I would describe Vancouver as filled with energy, but most of that energy is man-made with neon lights and variety in everything from food to clothes to attitudes. The politest panhandlers I have ever had the pleasure of encountering.

There has been very little wildlife on our drive which was very surprising to me. I really wanted to see more bighorn sheep. Cheruby did get to see a pretty owl today though. We went to a store in Jasper that had some funny boxers. They mostly reminded me of Kaz. Cheruby's favourite had a picture of the train and the words, "TOOT! TOOT!" on it. Heh.

We're staying with the loverly Neuba tonight and hopefully seeing Cheruby's sister for breakfast tomorrow before heading home. The final stretch. Cheruby and I have been talking about the kiddenz with increasing frequency. We miss them.

*Sorry to all those who are in Edmonton that we won't be seeing. We're only here for one night and then gone again. Hopefully, I'll see you all soon enough.

In Jasper

2007-11-15T23:34:00.000-06:00

I walked around downtown Vancouver by myself last night for the first time. I made it to the restaurant I was meeting a friend at and back to the Skytrain by myself. I even walked around Robson a bit on my own. Then I made it back to M&K's place. I was very pleased.

Cheruby and I had a nap before K got home so that we would be able to play games when he got home. And play games we did - two final games of Puerto Rico in fact. I finally won a game of Puerto Rico. We played 5 or 6 games of it over the days we were in Vancouver. I really love that game. There is less of a competition on a turn basis as no one really knows what the score is until the end of the game. It was a little disappointing that I could only win when the other two players were so completely tired that they were making themselves giddy with counting errors, but you know, I'll take what I can get.

We got a later than desirable start. I'm not really shocked that 7:30 leave time didn't happen. We ended up starting our exit from Vancouver at 9 a.m. It took us over 45 minutes to leave the greater Vancouver area. I've decided that I enjoy the small part of Vancouver that I stayed in and visited, but all the parts surrounding that suck. Too big. Okay, maybe it's pretty and it would be okay if I had the money to live there, but I don't so it's a non-issue.

We stopped one last time at Famous Foods which pleased me. The smell was overwhelming, but I really enjoyed the selection. They had different stuff and lots of it is organic. Cheruby says you can get a lot of the brands at Steephill Co-op in Saskatoon, but I've never been so I wouldn't know.

I got surprisingly freaked out by the drive north in the Fraser Valley. It was so high up and close to the edge, that I couldn't really look forward to enjoy the view. I could only look backward. It was a good thing Cheruby was driving for that part.

It was a long drive. There was another blizzard in between Blue River and Valemount, but it was worse because it was in the dark. However, we had a few cool things happen on the drive.

There was a very large herd of bighorn sheep.
We didn't die in the storm when a semi drove down the middle of the road and came a little too close to us for comfort.
The snow covered trees were soooo pretty even in the dark.
Cheruby and I each got a short nap.
McGriddles for breakfast were yummy. (Don't judge!)
Controlled bonfires on the side of the road close to Jasper were awesome.
Lots of waterfalls and bridges and spectacular views.

We just finished a fabulous dinner at dining room in our hotel and are now enjoying the rest of our stay in Jasper before heading out to Edmonton tomorrow.

It's Only Wednesday

2007-11-14T13:19:00.000-06:00

It seems like forever since we left home and we won't be there for another 4 days. I miss the cats. I know they are cared for but that's not the same as being there.

I feel like my first personal trip to Vancouver (besides the one I took with my parents and being a recalcitrant teenager) isn't quite what I wanted it to be. It certainly isn't at all like my other trips.

After talking about feeling free from plans on Monday, I realized that I hadn't bothered to check to see if I knew anyone here that I would like to see and spend time with. And I do - several people. I feel a bit like a jerk for not making arrangements with them before I got here. Before yesterday. Chances are I won't see either of them which kind of sucks a lot. I would have dearly loved to see Rob. I think there's still a little hope to see D2, but [le sigh] that might not happen either.

That isn't to say it has been bad. I've been walking and laughing and having fun and playing games and watching movies. We did some shopping and started thinking about what to get people for Christmas. By the time we get home, there will only be 38 days until Christmas. And really, even though I have to work on Monday, December 24, it'll be like a 5 day weekend for Christmas which will be very awesome and cool. So many people will be in Saskatoon for Christmas and I'm especially looking forward to having Bne around for a while.

So, today, Cheruby is going to visit a talent agency in person. He's a lot anxious about it, but not because he thinks they'll tell him to go away. He has no idea what he'll do if they let him in! I know he'll do fine. I'm so proud of him.

After that little trip, we're going to head down to Granville Island for a bit. Cheruby needs just one more dose of nostalgia before we head out tomorrow morning. And I want to see all the pretties.

Our Vancouver Hosts

2007-11-13T18:29:00.000-06:00

I'd like to thank Stiller and Matt for their hospitality in letting us stay in their home and spending all their free time with us being awesome.

Kevin Stiller, who grew up in Saskatoon with Cheruby, has been in much, much more than just what's shown in IMDB although mostly television extras. The most notable of movies was X-Men 3 where he was a soldier and got to be on the Alcatraz set. For TV he's been on Smallville, Stargate Atlantis, Battlestar Galactica*, and other cool shows filmed in Vancouver. However, this far from defines Kevin. I first met Kevin while playing in Saskatoon by Night. He was a Malkavian and it suited him quite well. We didn't become friends at that time as I was a little weirded out by all the Malkavians, but he seemed one of the more sane ones out of character. We have many friends in common, but are only now getting to know each other.

Kevin is tall, lanky, and balding. That doesn't detract from his natural charisma of which he has an abundance. He often tricks me with his false naivety which just makes him more charming. I couldn't possibly ever get upset with Kevin for anything because he has the best intentions and looks like a hurt puppy whenever he thinks he's genuinely done something wrong no matter how small the thing. His innocent demeanor belies the experience that his years must have given him. I admire that in anyone because it's not an easy thing to accomplish. Kevin is a man that is open to anything that comes his way.

Even when Kevin hates someone, and he has a rule where he feels that he should hate someone at all times so it is focused somewhere instead unfocused and therefore being spread about to everyone, it seems a little hard to believe because of the innocence in his eyes. How could someone this seemingly kind hate anyone? Those who refrain from using common sense and go against his idealistic views seem to garner his wrath and become the epitome of those aspects he loathes. I still wouldn't be sure if he's kidding even if he were to say, "I'm not kidding."

Matt Risling, on the other hand, is rather reserved and aloof. He is Cheruby's best friend and therefore, I am trying to get to know him as Cheruby has done with all my friends. That isn't to say it's a chore, it's just that I mightn't have tried otherwise due to his aloofness and his cuteness. He's got great style and is someone I view as "cool." He's quite polite and I think judges those around him before letting himself open up. But even then, he is still quite reserved.

He whomped all the other players during the games we played on Sunday night. I chose to refrain from playing one game due to my desire to not become competitive. Matt called on me for assistance during one of the games I wasn't playing as I had played before and he wasn't quite sure what was happening. Being asked for help, of course, is what me feel really great. I gave him what I thought was all the information for the decisions he needed to make and still let him make the decisions. I was distracted by work for most of the time so it was easier for me to be removed from the play. I didn't get anxious when he was battling like I would if I had been involved. It was the best of both worlds for me.

For work, Matt works as a teacher for ESL students. He doesn't have his certification, but does have an English degree and has been to film school. He is a connoisseur of movies in that he is very critical of them. If there is a movie that passes his critical eye, he usually really likes it. It seems that there is very little middle ground for movies with Matt. His annoyance come from much subtler things that a bottle of whiskey moving to difference spots on the table in the same scene without anyone touching it. I like that things like that don't bother him as much as it seems to bother others. I also like that he doesn't judge me for just wanting to be entertained by movies and not needing to have them be thought-evoking to be enjoyable as some movie snobs.

Over the past few days with these guys, I've enlightened by conversations about how good bowling is to watch on TV, how to make poker fit into a sports network lineup, cringe humour, subject-verb agreement issues with the word 'media,' and a host of movie-related topics.

And lastly, I met my first have-nots as their roommate is one. No different than any other human beings except that they truly aren't comfortable in their own skin.

_________
*Season 4 is now rumoured to be airing in early April next year. Ggrrr...

New City

2007-11-12T19:53:00.000-06:00

Being in a place where I don't really know my way around usually leaves me feeling a little uneasy. Being on vacation without a plan of what I want to do while away from home usually leaves me feeling a little out of sorts. Worrying about work that needs to be done usually leaves me feeling a little stressed at all times.

So far Cheruby and I have played games, watched "Flight of the Conchords," gone out of the house for food, worked for a couple hours, and slept while in Vancouver. Two days of those activities and I'm okay with that.

We talked about going to Lynn Canyon, but nothing was set. We also talked about Stanley Park and possibly the Aquarium, but I'm not set on either. Having no expectations before we set out has been weird for me because I like to plan things to get the most out of my time. One downfall is that I just remembered that a friend of mine lives here and I would dearly like to see him. It might not happen, but I'm really hoping it does.

This lack of planning is finally settling in and I'm really okay with it. I'm relaxed and have no expectations of myself or anyone else. I may not have as many things crossed off a to-do list, which might make me feel like I'm wasting my time here, but I'm relaxing and being myself and being happy. I don't know that I could ask for more.

Now that the feeling of freedom has set in a little, I'm not totally looking forward to some of my commitments that I did make over the next two days that we're here. They are flexible, but people are still counting on me to follow through. Not having people expect things of me is so freeing, if only for a little while.

20 Steps from Calgary to Vancouver

2007-11-11T10:18:00.000-06:00

We got a later start than we'd wanted because I missed my alarm going off. It's not that loud or persistent. So we got 75 minutes of extra sleep. Bne got up with us and so we chatted a little. And then Ferlak was up before we left so I got to hug my guys once more before leaving.

A short stop for gas and breakie and we were off. And here are the highlights of the trip because twelve hours of driving might get boring for you to read about.

Very little traffic at that hour of the morning. Snow-boarders apparently like to sleep in on Saturdays.

Cheruby and I discussed the fact that we are completely spoiled by knowing mountains as the Rocky Mountains. A lot of the world pictures mountains as very large tree-covered hills. They do not know the majesty that is the Rockies. Just another reason why Canada is so wonderful.

We were mooned by a big horn sheep - nothing but ass. We had to ponder what the hell that thing was for a quite a while before recognition set in.

The curvy road just before Golden was great. (Interesting Part #1 according to Cheruby.) It brought back some fabulous Crash Team Racing memories. Music I know and like and can sing along with is such a great comfort during times of intense driving. There is a lot of speculation and research being done to determine of music affects us, but it's all in scientific journals that I would have to pay to access.

There was enough wet (rain and big fat snowflakes, no slush on the roads) before Golden that we decided that we needed new wiper blades for the car. This was an item that didn't make it to a to-do list and so was forgotten. I was the hero here. Cheruby even admitted he likely wouldn't have had the guts to ruin the other wiper blade holders to get them off the car so that we could put the new ones on. He really was in awe when I had the new ones on so quickly after deciding I'd tried everything but mangling them to get them off.

Snow grater in between Golden and Revelstoke in Roger's Pass because of all the big fat snowflakes gracing us with their presence. It was so beautiful and magical. I let Cheruby deal with the slushy roads and kept my mind occupied with writing for my blog. (Interesting Part #2)

The blat of the slush being thrown against the windshield from oncoming large trucks was fun even if momentarily blinding us.

We saw an SUV in the ditch facing the opposite direction he was going on the opposite side of the road. The driver was fine and on his cell so there was no need to stop. The grater was just moments away.

Fog in the mountain tops and just hanging out by the side of the road help with creating the magical beautiful of this place. British Columbia really is the best place in the world.

Waterfalls and little trickles of water through the rocks right beside the car after coming down from the summit of Roger's Pass was awesome. I've always thought so.

There is a castle with a dragon and turrets and everything between Revelstoke and Salmon Arm that, while being a tourist trap, makes me very happy to drive by.

The tunnels on the side of the mountain are just another reminder that we are truly in a different place.

Cattle in the middle of the mountains?!?! It just seems like a bad idea.

After driving through winter in the mountains, we come out the other side to find it still fall in Salmon Arm.

From Salmon to Kamloops was pretty, but boring.

The Coquihalla got interesting (Interesting Part #3) with the wet in the dark and the constantly going downhill at great speeds. Cheruby was driving during the first downhill part in Roger's Pass so I didn't realize how frightening it was.

We stopped at a Rest Area at Hope to switch drivers and headed out for the final stretch.

Frightened Cheruby by introducing the idea of a thin line of light that would appear for mere moments across the road, but everyone who drove into that line would disappear, teleported through time and space, and there would be very few witnesses and no one would know what the hell happened.

There was a 45 minute delay just before the bridge coming into Vancouver for no real discernable reason. I managed to keep Cheruby distracted from his increasing rage through kisses and Christmas carols and making up stories and names for people in other cars.

Fun finding the address in Vancouver and then, and then, shots of rum! And then more rum. And then cider. And then beer. And then wine.

The whole drive didn't seem that long. The good weather for most of it helped as did the lack of other drivers. And I am very pleased to announce that my iPod made it all the way to Vancouver from Saskatoon (16 hours) without any charging and it's barely into the red on the battery gauge. I love my iPod.

Bowling and Chocolate

2007-11-10T22:38:00.000-06:00

Well, bowling went okay. I wish my niece had been in a better mood though. She really is a handful sometimes. I love her to bits, but she spent most of the time we had together being grumpy about my not being able to stay longer which ruined the time we did have. Remember the last time I saw her and it was incredible? Well, there might be a pattern there. My October trip was the only time I've seen her in the past year and a half that Cheruby hasn't been with us as well. She has fun with him, but keeps claiming she doesn't like him. The reason she doesn't like him is because she's jealous of him. He's the first guy in my life that has taken my attention from her. I wish I could make it easier for her, but she's gotta work through it and just be okay that sometimes, I am going to choose to spend time with Cheruby and I am going to choose to do things that Cheruby wants to do.

My nephew, as usual, was a pretty good kid and listened to most things I was saying and we got into some play fights about one particular bowling ball. He didn't realize this, but it was the heaviest ball there. Most of the others were the lightest weights and some were moderate, but there was only one heavy. The difference is so slight, but he knew it. Cheruby won the first game by one point above me. And then my niece won the second game and my nephew came in second. I remembered how to bowl for a few frames, but kept forgetting again. I also remembered my habit of watching my ball hit the pins and flipping up my left foot at the precise moment of impact, or would-be impact if a pin was in the way as I sometimes miss. My foot doesn't go straight back but off to the left a bit further like I'm kicking the pins next to the one I hit. I was a little embarrassed about it and hoped that no one noticed my little quirk.

Of course with all the shenanigans, we took quite a while for bowling and got back to the house just before 9. That's quite a bit after I had wanted and it meant I wouldn't be able to have coffee with W,H&E. I was disappointed and still am. There's a little guilt in there too, but that's mostly just because I didn't call to tell them that I wouldn't be coming even though the plans weren't firm. I kept thinking that I should phone, but once I was at Bne and Ferlak's, all thoughts of anyone else left. I still owe them a call though.

Cheruby went bowling grudgingly because he would have much preferred to just head to Manland to play games, but he understood my desire to spend time with my family. He knows how much they mean to me. Of course, that didn't stop him from getting a little impatient a few times when he was trying to get me out the door. I just couldn't go without hugs and kisses from my niece and nephew. She didn't really want to give me a hug because she was still upset with me about staying longer, but she let me hug and kiss her and smiled through it. She really is a lot like me when I set my heels in about being upset. I guess that's the worst part - understanding where she is coming from and why she's fighting everything so hard. You might be luckier than her and I in being able to recognize that the stubbornness thats ruining things and let it go. Sometimes I just can't and I've many many many more years of trying than she has. It's a lot for me, especially me, to expect of her.

It's always so great to see Bne and Ferlak and Siochain and brother, Tallguy. (It would be so much easier to talk about him on my blog if he just got a blog himself so that I would know what he's comfortable being called on the net.) Bne is just Bne. There is no true way to describe him except that he makes me laugh and feel great. Ferlak is also very special to me and is one of my best friends. I think it all boils down to the fact that I have shared so many things in my life with those two men. I am so blessed to have such great friends. And then of course, Siochain and Tallguy who were my surrogate family when I lived in Calgary. I don't know what I would have done without them. And now, they still light up my life although sometimes, I forget to enjoy their company while we're together because I'm too busy trying to figure out how I can make them happy. Quite silly, really. In good news, Siochain was happy last night and smiling. Things aren't terribly settled with her, but eventually, it'll work itself out. And Tallguy had some great news to share - he's being headhunted by an Ivy League school (it's still preliminary, but fingers crossed) which might an incredible opportunity (if it is the school and not the place in BC) AND (yes, there's an 'and' which is incredible in itself) he's got himself a Skilled Worker Visa for a country that he's been dying to get back to. I think the latter makes him happier, but both pieces of news are just fabulous.

Siochain and Bne went to the store and got me chocolate as per my request. I asked for a small little one and I received the huge Christmas version. I can't complain because I love it so. Bne also got three other kinds of chocolate of which I partook. And then I stole the rest of the Toffifee (I think they should put a pronunciation guide for the name on the package) because I love it a lot too. While they were at the store, Tallguy and I discussed the virtues and many vices of Bne's cover letter for the Ministry of Transportation. I was trying to help Bne rewrite bits of it, but I ended up not being able to explain myself so I just rewrote bits (2 of 3 paragraphs (there was a fourth, but it just said, "Please call me!!" more-or-less)) myself. It went faster and Bne said it captured what he'd been trying to say with his previous paragraphs. I managed to cut out about 10 lines on the page with my revisions. While the wordiness sounded more like Bne, he should save that for the interview because his delivery makes it charming somehow. During all of that, Cheruby and Ferlak played games. They started with the Starcraft boardgame Cheruby just picked up and then moved onto Hollywood Blockbuster which I quite enjoy normally, but I was too tired. They did try to encourage more of us to play, but we were all too busy with our own stuff. And then I crashed hard from the sweet, sweet chocolate covered coffee beans.

Vacation Mode On

2007-11-09T18:09:00.000-06:00

I'm almost there. I can feel it. I just have an hour of work to do before I'm there in spirit as well as off the clock. That won't happen until later tonight, so I'm going to enjoy my time until then.

On the agenda is having pizza and going bowling with Zoey and Chase and Patty first of all. I'm really excited about that. Cheruby needed a little convincing because he just wants to go play games with Ferlak and Bne. [sigh] Boys will be boys. ;)

After bowling, depending on the time, I would like to have coffee with my friends who I haven't seen in an incredibly long time. It might be too late though and I might have to skip that one. They're definitely getting a phone call though.

Then it's to Ferlak and Bne's place for the rest of the evening and night. We're going to get very little sleep and talk and have fun and play games. I'm really looking forward to seeing them. I left a message for Siochain and her brother, but I don't know if they got it or if I'm going to see them tonight. I hope I get to see them cuz they're awesome.

I feel so good right now, but that might have more to do with the handful of chocolate covered coffee beans that I had for lunch than anything else. [grin]

10 Reasons to Drive Instead of Fly

2007-11-08T23:10:00.000-06:00

You have access to whatever creature comforts you want to bring with you.
The bathrooms along the way are 5 times as big.
You don't have to pay $5 for some Twizzlers.
The person next you is someone you know and hopefully, like.
The scenery along the way changes between more than two colours.
You can be as loud as you want without disturbing anyone.
Cell phones can be on.
Control of your destination is mostly in your own hands instead of in the hands of two people you've never met. You can turn back if you want to.
Some stranger isn't going to nod off and rest his/her head on your shoulder.
You don't have to go through any security check points and be tempted to make inappropriate comments.

We leave for Calgary tonight and Vancouver very early Saturday morning. YAY!

I Voted!

2007-11-07T17:13:00.000-06:00

For as cranky as I am at most of the political parties and how poorly I think this race was run, I am still pleased at my right to vote. I am very pleased indeed.

Cheruby was so excited about voting that he couldn't even wait until I went; he voted this afternoon. And now, all that's left is waiting.

For the first time this year, I had to pause at the voting station to think. I really hadn't decided beforehand who I was going to vote for. I've been battling Cheruby's views and trying to keep my own priorities. He has very strong opinions on the subject of who should be running the country and province. We haven't yet experienced a mayoral campaign together so I'm not sure about that one.

And today when the moment of truth was upon me, I weighed Cheruby's arguments and opinions. I understand his point of view and I even agree in most cases. In the end, I am happy with my decision and the X I place on the ballot. It's a really good feeling. I am Canadian and proud of my country.

When the polls close at 8 o'clock tonight, Cheruby will be practicing with his Irish band with the election coverage on mute in the background. I might be doing the same thing only with Christmas music in the background instead. Or packing for our trip or doing any number of items on the pre-trip to do list that is stressing me out a little. We leave tomorrow.

Edit: One of the closest races of the election was in my riding. The NDP won here, but the election was won by Brad Wall and the Sask Party.

What's Next?

2007-11-06T23:52:00.000-06:00

So, my dad came to visit last night and we went to listen to Cheruby play with in the Irish music session at Cluricaune Pub at the Parktown. Dad was tired but he came out anyway and let me drive his brand new van. It's nice. I'm already planning to borrow to drive to California in with some friends if they'll let me borrow it.

And today, my dad was great. We chatted in the morning and he went and got Cheruby and I bagels and orange juice from Tim Horton's. And then he fixed the squeaky thing on the roof. He was done before noon. What a great guy!

So after not being able to sleep on Sunday night because of that thing and having nightmares about my neighbour, the squeaking just stopped on Monday afternoon. It didn't make so much as a peep since. When dad fixed it, it was behaving. If it's going to be broken sometimes, I'd rather it be broken all the time instead of messing with my head. I don't know why it frustrates me so much that it wasn't consistently broken, but it does. Apparently the bearing was completely shot on it.

It's fixed and I don't have to worry about my neighbour until the next thing. [sigh] I'm tempted to tell them I didn't do anything to it and it just stopped squeaking on its own.

My Wifebeaters

2007-11-05T18:23:00.001-06:00

When referring to the white tank top that white trash folk usually wear for weeks on end in the smelly sweaty summer, is it one word or two?

wifebeater
wife beater

I saw it as two and got a little alarmed and didn't want to freak out Auntie Cool or my mom that I was talking about someone who beats his/her wife. Although, that is the pejorative that's embedded in the term, isn't it? Okay, disclaimer before I start talking to ensure I'm not offending anyone.

***DISCLAIMER***
I ain't talkin' 'bout you. That just ain't the kind of thing you'd do. More than once. Okay, twice. A day.

Good, now, I finally got me a pair of wifebeaters. I was thrilled wehn I found them and then got the package home to find two in the package! Suckers are so stupid that they put two in the same package and I got it! It works out perfectly cuz when I'm wearing one, I can have the boy wash the other one. Sometimes it takes a while, but it's worth it. The sweet smell of sweat that drives them animals wild! I can't tell you how much the fat one loooves rolling in a sweaty stinky shirt. Gets him more riled than a pile o' the nip. Since we got his knackers snipped, it's the most fun he gets. Gotta give him something.

*Please note that this was very difficult for me to write because I feel like I'm being mean and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. It's just a joke. Please don't be mad. I think the worst part is that TUO (and Bne) are laughing at me right now and thinking of a thousand different ways to mock me and I deserve it. I still like those pants though.[sigh]

I have to say that my wifebeaters are very, very comfortable. I love them. They are just great for wearing to bed, wearing around the house when no one expected over, wearing while cleaning, and the fact that they are a little see through and you can pretty much see my goods, makes Cheruby loves them too. And when I poke outside for a half a moment to get the mail out of mailbox, I got the love (or shock and horror) of a neighbour girl too.

Filling in the Details

2007-11-04T10:59:00.000-06:00

On Halloween, I got to see my dad. I love it when he comes to visit. He's a lot of fun and we made Cheruby cringe by "fighting" in front of him. Both my dad and I knew that we were just having fun and egging each other on by saying mildly (or not so mildly) inflammatory things to each other. It gets my mom really upset when we start doing that. Of course, the really reason that my dad and I love it is because it bothers other people. We usually only bring that little game out for family.

We talked a little about my neighbour. I think you all know that my neighbour wasn't very nice about the rain gutters. That's all done now. My dad, having never put up eavestroughing before in his life, decided to take matters into his own hands and put them up for me. I know I could have conquered my fears if I really needed to, but he's my dad so I think he had greater motivation to help me out. Something about your kid being upset and not being treated very well. Anyway, I appreciate my dad.

He stopped by on wednesday to look at the whirly gig thingie on my roof. It squeaks you see. We've tried WD40 and copious amounts of it at that, and it helped for a while and then it was squeaking again by morning. It has been squeaking less and differently since then, but still squeaking. They haven't said anything since then and they've still been grumpy. My dad is still coming up to fix it, but it's so retarded. Dad didn't have time on Wednesday to fix it because he left Nipawin later than he wanted and wanted to get to Spruce Grove to visit his brother on his birthday.

My dad was right. My neighbour is just ~~an asshole~~ a guy who can't just mind his own frakin' business. I defended him for a long time because I was just trying to get through it with my sanity. I wish I didn't have a neighbour like him.

It's sad but my neighbour makes me not want to live in this house anymore. I don't want to move, but he just lets me know that I don't want to be here. I love all the improvements we've just made and they will make the time here before I move more pleasant for sure, but this home just got more temporary in my mind. I guess I always knew that this wouldn't be my house forever, but I still feel like I'm making it mine. Instead of making big improvements now, I just want to fix what's here so that I'm ready to sell when it's time to go. The basement is the place to fix and I've got some reasonable ideas.

^{My first rant was better.}

Anyway, the rest of the week was status quo. Monday was games night at work, and I think we've decide to call it Pictionary night from now on. Tuesday was In Nomine sans AJ [pout] and a really good session despite our deficit. Wednesday was Halloween. Friday night, Cheruby and went out to his cousin's new place by Vonda. Cheruby's been there lots of times, but this week was a first for me. It was good. And Saturday was spent sleeping in and blogging and inputting bills into the computer and finding that one of my banks is still screwing me over from a mistake they made and some Gilmore Girls to end the day. My niece phoned me and I phoned my mom. Oh, and my employee assistance program at work finally came through with a phone call for me after I wrote to the VP of that department and expressed my concern over how my call for help was handled. I was not a happy camper. She was very nice and accommodating and good. And the plan for today is just stuff - cleaning some things that need cleaning, hanging around with the cats, tidying stuff, putting stuff away, and watching more Gilmore Girls. Cheruby will likely want to play a game, but we'll see if I have time. I do, unfortunately, have to put in a few extra hours at work today.

NaBloPoMo

2007-11-03T11:10:00.001-06:00

As you might have read here or here or here, I have dedicated myself to blogging everyday in the month of November. I started posting daily on October 24 and I've realized that I might not like posting for the sake of posting. It's like me talking for the sake of talking. You might get glimpses into who I am and my opinions on things, but I guess I would hope that you know that before you started reading my blog.

One of the things that lends itself to this realization is the first thing that comes to mind when I sit down to blog everyday. That seems to usually be the cats on the carpet in front of me being extremely cute. I love them all. I don't expect anyone to love my old fat cat as much as I do and the little one has to be observed for a long time before you really get to love her quirks. The dainty one seems to be loved by most because he's quite polite and doesn't bother you too much and is quiet and doesn't do a lot of bad things which is hardly any especially compared to the other two who just like being bad. They are usually doing something that I want to tell everyone about because they are cute and I love them. For instance, just now, all three were awakened from their naps and kind of grumpy. The fat one was trying to clean the little one who was trying to clean the dainty one. The little one got cranky at the fat one and reared up and hissed made her paws go wide to look threatening. The fat one just looked at her funny as if to say, "Sheesh! You don't have to get so cranky about it. I'll just clean you later." Then both the little one and fat one went the sunbeam on the carpet to continue napping. The dainty one, as always, appeared to be the innocent bystander. After the other two were done repositioning themselves to the sunbeam, he came and took over the coveted position on my feet.

See, now, how boring was that? I love the kiddenz, but they don't exactly fill a blog with anything anyone else wants to experience.

And I just accidentally deleted a nice rant about my neighbour because I wanted to use it tomorrow. [sigh]

Bubblegum Radio

2007-11-02T23:08:00.000-06:00

Bubblegum radio is a radio station where they play today's hits, talk about a very watered down version of the news, and advertise too much. I like bubblegum radio for several reasons and two are related to my criteria for being a bubblegum radio station.

Yep, they play a lot of inane music by Brittany and those boy bands. But there's another side to it. They sometimes have an interesting tune on or something that really catches my fancy for some reason. I really like Christina Aguilera's song Ain't No Other Man. I would have never heard it without my bubblegum radio. I get to hear new songs by mainstream artists that when you search the internet for them, there are lots of sites that say, "Here's an indy band that you might like if you like Christina's latest song." It's an introduction to some new things. Holly Cole, I feel, is hardly mainstream and yet she had a hit on bubblegum radio. I was thrilled for her mainly because it meant she'd be able to continue creating music because so many people like that one song. I, of course, didn't think it was her best, but I LOVE Holly Cole. I can just hope that others were introduced to her magic by the bubblegum radio song.

The watered down version of the news is great too. I'm way too emotional to get the full story sometimes. Give me the basics so that I know there was an earthquake near where my friends live and that some people were hurt, but don't tell about how any moment now the whole fault line could just collapse and don't give me a bunch of supporting information about how everyone living there has a death wish. I don't need to worry about millions of people who are going to die by being swallowed by the earth someday that might not even be in my lifetime. And don't get me started about all the war and fighting in the world because just the mention of it on bad days makes me cry. They also throw in a little weather and traffic reporting too which is just stuff that's nice to know without having to go through the effort of finding it myself.

And the biggest reason that I like bubblegum radio is that it helps me concentrate while I'm working. If I don't have bubblegum radio on in the background while I'm doing my job, I am way less productive. Somehow, the constant talking or playing of music marks the passage of time so that I know that my time to finish a particular task is finite. If left to my own devices, I am so much more easily sidetracked by a fuzzy cat or something I'd been wondering about just before falling asleep the night before that the internet could possibly solve. Bubblegum radio removes a lot of these tangents from my brain so that the larger part can stay focused on work. Now, there's a danger being presented here as well - why do I have to distract a portion of my brain to be able to work productively? Meh, I'm just too smart for my own good, I guess. [grin]

And bubblegum radio annoys Cheruby to no end. Some would say this is a bad thing. I have many big red buttons that he loves to push, but he has very little that I can bug him with. I'll just have to call this leverage and put it in the pro column.

I hate the ads, though, but I'll have to live with those to get the perks.

Watching Platoon

2007-11-01T20:57:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I'm not so much watching Platoon as listening to it in the background and occasionally looking up to see some horrifying images of war or them sitting around getting high and talking about how they want to frag someone who's on their side. Cheery movie. I don't really like war movies. I'm managing to keep my distance from this one fairly well, but only because I'm not really paying attention. Cheruby will have to tell me about the plot later. Huh, I just looked up in time to see someone cutting the ear off a dead man. Why would anyone voluntary watch this? Moving on...

I will tell you that I really liked 12 Angry Men last week. It was subtle and really challenged the perspectives and motives of the jury. Just what can you see when you really look. Thinking back on it now, it reminds me of cenobyte's post chastising herself for judging someone just on their looks and apparent situation in life. It's when you have to convince others to give people a chance that things get a little harder.

We're going to be missing two weeks of movies coming up because of our trip starting next Thursday evening, but I'm looking forward to it none-the-less. The Marx brothers are supposed to be really funny.