I was talking to a friend of mine tonight who was saying a lot of things that rang very true to me. I've been there, done that. The best part is that I'm proof that someone can come through the other side of all those feelings and find true happiness and love. It didn't happen all at once, but continually being committed to caring about myself and making sure that I was someone that I love, it eventually happened. And while I had to make all those choices and stick to them, I had a helluva cheering section which makes things just a little bit easier.

I'm not saying things are perfect, but they are very good and getting better. I'll never conquer all the stuff I want to in myself, but I'm never ever going to stop trying. When I ever think that I'm done working on myself, I'll be dead. I can always make a difference and see things from a different perspective. I'll never know every point of view.

The brain is an amazing thing. You can train it to think any way you want just through repetition. Bad things stick easier than good things even when it's "just teasing".

One of the things that I was told about me is that I get over things quickly. And not because I brush things off quickly, because that's certainly not true. I get over things because I either have the choice to dwell on it and let it poison me and bring me down, or I have the choice to get over it and move on and continue being the person I want to be. That isn't to say I forget about those other things, they come back to haunt me when I'm feeling down and give me more reason to feel down. That's the part I need to fight and need my ever present cheering section to help me get through. I can't imagine not having my family and friends supporting me. I certainly wouldn't be where I am without all those wonderful people. They have shown me who I want to be (whether they realize it or not) and helped me figure out how to become that person.

Just tonight, I was talking to my mom. Every now and then, I realize more reasons why my mom is so amazing. Tonight, I stood my ground and made her admit just how rare it is to be as supportive and non-judgmental as she is. I can only hope at this point, that I can be like that. When Cheruby moved in, I was scared that my mom would think less of me. Silly, I know, but I was still worried. I was concerned she would think that I was being blind and taking things too fast because I just wanted to be loved. I guess that I was just thinking about my own insecurities about the situation. She said all the right things as she's very good at that. But then she gave Cheruby a money clip to prepare him for the success he was going achieve. Such a small thing, but so perfect. She effortlessly sees past all the crap and sees that people are just people and everyone, even those that don't act so kindly or react to situations in the best way, deserves the benefit of the doubt. It's one of her first thoughts most of the time even when she's getting the short end of the stick. I love her dearly and am looking forward to spending lots more time with her. She's simply wonderful. The world would be a different place if everyone had a mom like mine.

I've been trying to find the words to talk about what's been going on. Really, I'm just trying to stay afloat, but it's not as dire as that might sound. I finally finished that horrible project. I say horrible because it actually made me question whether I wanted to stay with my company. It's been a very, very long time since I did that. I started making plans to do something else - riskier but might make me happier. I haven't been entertaining those thoughts again, but they haven't gone completely away. I was compensated for my efforts more than I thought I would be. I was pleased with it, but now, I have no idea what to do next.

Things are happening at work that I'm not entirely good with, but I haven't given the situation a fair shot yet. I can see the good for the business, but not for my staff. That's a very tough situation. We just met last week and those meetings didn't go well. I wasn't very professional with my boss. At least it was just my boss and no one else, but still, I'm disappointed in myself. I don't like that I even got to that place where I was unprofessional.

One of the best things that happened was being able to see over half of my staff when I was in Toronto last. It was amazing. I really have missed them.

I haven't really quit traveling. I was in Toronto last week, going to Regina this weekend, going to Toronto again in a few weeks and then to Regina again the weekend after that. In the meantime, there's Easter weekend which I haven't planned anything for, but I'm hoping to see my niece and nephew if possible.

I've been playing video games with Cheruby and doing other fun things. It's been good and I deserve the play time. I keep thinking about the to do lists, however. It kind of takes away from the play time a bit.

There hasn't been enough time with other friends, but they're busy too. I'll get to see them soon enough.

Flights are scheduled to San Francisco in May for Cheruby and I. Reservations are made for GenCon. And I don't really have anything planned between May and August. Maybe I'll be home for a bit then. Ha ha. Something tells me that won't be as settled as I'm hoping.

In great news, I'm happier than ever. One day at a time with Cheruby and our cats, nothing can stop us.

So, let's get into the everything is coming up Cheruby story. He got a gig with a theatre in Meacham composing and playing for April and part of May. I'm very proud of him for that. He's actually going to be getting paid for doing something he loves. It's one of the best things in the world. He's getting his movie pitched next week by an agent in Vancouver. He had a request for his script by a production company in Toronto last week. He got offered a full time job that he was tempted by the money in but also was in a great position to turn down. Some people that are close to him are about to become parents. We're both over the moon for them. And we're very much in love. What could be better than that? [blush]