Adventures of Fabulous Suz: acceptance

Showing posts with label acceptance. Show all posts

Love Thy Neighbour

I am not religious anymore, but there are so many wonderful life lessons in all the scriptures.

The best part of my religious upbringing was that my parents gave us a choice in the matter. We were invited to go to Sunday school, but never forced. We were invited to go to Summer Bible Camp, but never forced. This was a wonderful gift from them, especially given their own upbringing.

Recently, I watched the movie "Prom" on Netflix. It is a teenage love story that faces obstacles with singing and sequins. There is bigotry and acceptance and narcissism and selflessness. It was a great movie to watch with my blossoming 10 year old. These are all things that she is facing in small doses in her school, our community, and in herself.

The movie directly addresses the exclusion of LGTBQ+ lifestyles with this conversation.

Trent: Why do you hate gay people?
Teenager 1: Hey! I'm a good person. Right, Shelby?
Teenager 2: Yeah! Yeah, we all are.
Teenager 3: We go to church.
Teenager 4: Yeah, we're Christians.

Determining the goodness of a person cannot be done with a label. And the musical number that followed made me so fucking happy. After a direct confrontation about cherry picking the rules from the bible that matter, Trent sings out that there is one rule that trumps them all.

LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR

This has become my favourite rule from the bible. It is the heart of acceptance and tolerance and love. Can you imagine if we interacted in the world from this idea? John Lennon said it his way in "Imagine." And hundreds, if not thousands, of artists and inspirational people throughout history have echoed this sentiment.

I could make some authoritative statement about how we all need to change our perspective and blah, blah, blah. But that's not what I want. I want to love myself as I love my most precious person. I want to love so that it touches every person in my life, every person who ever encounters me.

posted under acceptance, change, family, friends, life, love, love thy neighbour, music, singing, transformation | 0 Comments

That Little Light Of Mine

New Year's Eve. A time of renewal and birth. Out with the old and in with the new.

I couldn't sleep. Not a new experience, but this experience was wholly new and profound. I couldn't sleep because I was so happy. But not really happy, there was contentment and a host of feelings all mixed together that were very pleasant. Every time I relaxed, I would start smiling from ear to ear. So genuine and real.

The most beautiful part was that this feeling persisted. It persisted through questioning it. It persisted through thinking of other, unpleasant parts of life. It felt like a light at the back of my heart. What had let go and allowed this light to shine so brightly? I had no idea. But I decided to enjoy it for as long as it wanted to stay with me.

It didn't leave. Days later, I found myself sitting at my desk, smiling that smile as I paused to look at the beautiful white world outside my window. It was so pervasive.

I nurtured it to feel it in more places than just my heart. I let it infuse every part of me.

I knew it wasn't going to leave, but I kept checking on it anyway. I doubted I knew because it was what I wanted. I doubted that it wasn't just a manic episode because I'm pretty sure I've had those in the past and hadn't noticed. I doubted that it wasn't my rose-coloured glasses showing me a world that was much brighter than it actually was.

After some time with it, I came to understand it was wholeness. I felt whole, like I had nothing to hide. It is like feeling fully accepted. There are no beautiful parts, no ugly parts, just all of me. And yet, these words still seem inadequate to describe what I feel.

A truly magical part of this feeling is the confidence. It is subtle and powerful. I thought confidence felt different than this, but it is the absence of doubt being able to take root. Doubt still exists, but it is heard and passes through because the truth of who you are is strong enough to allow for all the possibilities of failure and success.

As with all good things, the awareness of it faded into life, into what my bodymind accepts as my normal. It's still there, part of me. I still nurture it and make it big and bright and effusive.

posted under acceptance, change, choice, choice bodytalk, confidence, life, transformation | 0 Comments

Rewards Of Being Human

I was asked to rate my mental health on a scale right now. There are parts of my life that make me smile endlessly. There are parts of my life that make me cry unconsolably. There are all kinds of parts in the middle. The truth is all of it. I think I've talked about this in the question, "How are you?"

I want to be real. All the time, I want to be real. It hurts to not be real. By talking about the crappy stuff, I'm being real. When I talk about the great stuff, it's authentic too. None of it is the whole picture, the whole me.

That's the crux of it. I want to be seen wholly and not just in pieces. I'm looking for the impossible. The only person who can know all of me is me. I am the only one who has all of my story. And everyone else only gets bits and pieces of it. Some more than others, but still only pieces. This is why it hurts so much to lose the people who have known us the longest - family, lifelong friends, even those short term friends who get us at that moment in time. It hurts us to stop being seen and understood by that person who held our stories.

Being seen and understood is such a relief for me. I want to give this to the world. It's vulnerable, but the most rewarding part for me of this human condition. And I genuinely love seeing what is the most rewarding part for other people.

posted under acceptance, bodytalk, change, choice, connection, friends | 0 Comments

Power of Permission

A friend of mine is considering separating from her partner. They have had the same frustrating conversation for years and nothing has changed. I feel for her and only she has the power to choose her next actions.

I am reminded of the time I left my husband. In essence, I had given him six years of space to figure himself out, to get unstuck in an area. He kept changing focus on what he was going to try next. I finally had enough and left with a list of action items he had to do for me to come back. I was eight months pregnant with our second child. Ultimatum? Yes, as all this or that situations are. My intent was to make our lives better - together or apart.

He said that the scariest part was that I wasn't angry, I was doing what was best and he could have his tantrums and freak outs and none of it touched me. He had to work through all his subconscious tactics and exhaust them before change was the only thing left. From my perspective, it was an amazing process to watch him get more and more desperate.

He had many options in front of him, but there was only one path that would bring me and our daughter home. He had his tantrums and we talked and I emailed him everything so that he could know my requests exactly and not argue about what I had said. He had to want to change and not just talk about wanting to change.

It was a precious time for me to look deeper within myself to see how my behaviours were feeding our dysfunction as a family. It was good for us to be separate.

We made it through. I do not feel bad about forcing the situation. I was scared he wouldn't choose his family, but I also could see from the distance of being away that if he wouldn't change, I would never be happy.

This was five years ago now. I am still proud of myself with how I showed myself that I was worth it in that scenario. My happiness was worth it. Kara experiencing me like that was worth it. My husband becoming more aware of himself and his motivations was worth it.

Our marriage is still a work in progress, but there is so much more peace within.

Allowing yourself to choose to leave your relationship also allows you to choose to stay.

There is power in permission.

posted under acceptance, bodytalk, choice, choice bodytalk, family, learning, love, marriage | 0 Comments

Transformational Tarot Session

What an incredible tarot reading I just had. She meditated and chose cards while I concentrated on my query.

I had thought I'd known what I wanted to talk about, but I decided at the last moment to use a technique that I was taught in BreakThrough, a life science course through the BodyTalk System, to find my query. I cleared my head and let a story bubble up. We are all stories and I felt like the story I was looking for was hidden to my rational mind.

The story presented itself in a memory of picture that was taken when I was very little. It's a family picture in our yard and we are off kilter and not all in the picture and it is very bright and sunny. I could feel the space around the picture, behind the picture so I let my thoughts wander through the scene and asked questions.The first question to come to me was, "Am I willing to see nothing wrong?" It was a surprising question to me because I feel like I should always be looking for the next pattern to uncover within myself and my behaviours.

Then the idea that I am blind to my denials - unable to see them at all. I desire to make visible that which I cannot see. That's when I could feel the enormous fear mounting within this shield. And I realized that I'm scared of finding something that will break me in a way that I cannot put back together. There was such relief when I spoke this out loud to the reader. I told her of this journey I had just been on to find what I wanted to know.

She was using three decks and her own personal style of divination which I could tell has come to her through following her intuition and letting herself be guided. I LOVE practitioners who can show this trust in themselves. YAY! Her main deck was a Victorian deck which was so well loved and absolutely beautiful. She also used the major arcana from another deck that was quite whimsical and powerful. There is so much to be said about how caricature can emphasize certain traits and bring them to attention. The third deck, she called a soul deck which didn't have any traditional tarot associations.

I know that no matter what comes up, there is a thread of truth in the mirror that we can relate to. That what we choose to see is what comes into focus more clearly. The cards that came up were so brilliantly on target for the imagery I received.

The first card, who I was and am transitioning out of, was the two of swords. Constantly guarding against the world and my environment, constantly holding my breath to prepare for what's next. I couldn't seem to make myself take a deep breath for about a year recently. You can't move or flow or change if you don't breath!

The card signifying where I currently am is the queen of wands. So open and vulnerable and trusting that I'm exactly where I am supposed to be and allowing the flows of the life I'm living to provide me with what I need in each moment. It is the person I thought I was.

And now here's the key - existing as the queen of wands is terrifying to me because I'm not used to that level of trust in my environment and the people around me. So I'll be in the queen of wands mode and then I'll be completely anxious over every little detail of what's going on around me. It's no wonder that I haven't been able to reconcile how I'm feeling about myself and how I'm feeling about my environment.

Having this awareness is amazing and I can feel the anxiety reaction to the world softening already as I trust the space held by the queen of wands.

She also told me that I need to be teaching and offering courses. I don't know what I could teach or offer. My experience is just in being me. And not everyone will relate to my experiences.

This transformational tarot reading was the best tarot reading I've ever had. Thank you, Elyssa Maridueña!!

posted under acceptance, change, choice bodytalk, tarot, transformation | 0 Comments

The Power

It's been a long time since I tried to dig into what makes me me. I went hardcore for about 5 years, but then I had two more children and sabotaged another friendship and got very burnt out. So, while I kept most (not all) the lessons I learned about who I am and my world.

I had to heal a lot. I had to process all the fears that I have been living with as part of me. This has been said by almost every motivational speaker ever. Embrace your power. Find your inner strength. Listen to your heart. And every other variation of observance and acceptance.

My most recent experiences have been with astrology, human design, and gene keys. I had two readings within a week so I have a lot to integrate. I didn't agree with absolutely everything the readers had to say, but there were some key perspective shifts.

Sexuality has been an underlying force within my life. I have power here - a lot of power. And I have largely ignored it. I've let it be felt, but rarely expressed. I have been misjudged when I've used it in the past.

I do not have consistent access to physical energy for action. I have to rest when it isn't there. If I don't, I drain my willpower quickly on everyday things and become bitter.

Denying the bitterness I feel is deeply ingrained and is going to take a lot of listening to allow it to surface.

Exercise is not something I can willpower through. It must be accompanied by joy. There is no substitute.

I will not be able to achieve an empty mind. Movement is required to help quiet and calm my mind.

In a nutshell, my power is inspiration.

posted under acceptance, choice bodytalk, life, shadow | 0 Comments