I was talking to a friend of mine tonight who was saying a lot of things that rang very true to me. I've been there, done that. The best part is that I'm proof that someone can come through the other side of all those feelings and find true happiness and love. It didn't happen all at once, but continually being committed to caring about myself and making sure that I was someone that I love, it eventually happened. And while I had to make all those choices and stick to them, I had a helluva cheering section which makes things just a little bit easier.

I'm not saying things are perfect, but they are very good and getting better. I'll never conquer all the stuff I want to in myself, but I'm never ever going to stop trying. When I ever think that I'm done working on myself, I'll be dead. I can always make a difference and see things from a different perspective. I'll never know every point of view.

The brain is an amazing thing. You can train it to think any way you want just through repetition. Bad things stick easier than good things even when it's "just teasing".

One of the things that I was told about me is that I get over things quickly. And not because I brush things off quickly, because that's certainly not true. I get over things because I either have the choice to dwell on it and let it poison me and bring me down, or I have the choice to get over it and move on and continue being the person I want to be. That isn't to say I forget about those other things, they come back to haunt me when I'm feeling down and give me more reason to feel down. That's the part I need to fight and need my ever present cheering section to help me get through. I can't imagine not having my family and friends supporting me. I certainly wouldn't be where I am without all those wonderful people. They have shown me who I want to be (whether they realize it or not) and helped me figure out how to become that person.

Just tonight, I was talking to my mom. Every now and then, I realize more reasons why my mom is so amazing. Tonight, I stood my ground and made her admit just how rare it is to be as supportive and non-judgmental as she is. I can only hope at this point, that I can be like that. When Cheruby moved in, I was scared that my mom would think less of me. Silly, I know, but I was still worried. I was concerned she would think that I was being blind and taking things too fast because I just wanted to be loved. I guess that I was just thinking about my own insecurities about the situation. She said all the right things as she's very good at that. But then she gave Cheruby a money clip to prepare him for the success he was going achieve. Such a small thing, but so perfect. She effortlessly sees past all the crap and sees that people are just people and everyone, even those that don't act so kindly or react to situations in the best way, deserves the benefit of the doubt. It's one of her first thoughts most of the time even when she's getting the short end of the stick. I love her dearly and am looking forward to spending lots more time with her. She's simply wonderful. The world would be a different place if everyone had a mom like mine.

I've been trying to find the words to talk about what's been going on. Really, I'm just trying to stay afloat, but it's not as dire as that might sound. I finally finished that horrible project. I say horrible because it actually made me question whether I wanted to stay with my company. It's been a very, very long time since I did that. I started making plans to do something else - riskier but might make me happier. I haven't been entertaining those thoughts again, but they haven't gone completely away. I was compensated for my efforts more than I thought I would be. I was pleased with it, but now, I have no idea what to do next.

Things are happening at work that I'm not entirely good with, but I haven't given the situation a fair shot yet. I can see the good for the business, but not for my staff. That's a very tough situation. We just met last week and those meetings didn't go well. I wasn't very professional with my boss. At least it was just my boss and no one else, but still, I'm disappointed in myself. I don't like that I even got to that place where I was unprofessional.

One of the best things that happened was being able to see over half of my staff when I was in Toronto last. It was amazing. I really have missed them.

I haven't really quit traveling. I was in Toronto last week, going to Regina this weekend, going to Toronto again in a few weeks and then to Regina again the weekend after that. In the meantime, there's Easter weekend which I haven't planned anything for, but I'm hoping to see my niece and nephew if possible.

I've been playing video games with Cheruby and doing other fun things. It's been good and I deserve the play time. I keep thinking about the to do lists, however. It kind of takes away from the play time a bit.

There hasn't been enough time with other friends, but they're busy too. I'll get to see them soon enough.

Flights are scheduled to San Francisco in May for Cheruby and I. Reservations are made for GenCon. And I don't really have anything planned between May and August. Maybe I'll be home for a bit then. Ha ha. Something tells me that won't be as settled as I'm hoping.

In great news, I'm happier than ever. One day at a time with Cheruby and our cats, nothing can stop us.

So, let's get into the everything is coming up Cheruby story. He got a gig with a theatre in Meacham composing and playing for April and part of May. I'm very proud of him for that. He's actually going to be getting paid for doing something he loves. It's one of the best things in the world. He's getting his movie pitched next week by an agent in Vancouver. He had a request for his script by a production company in Toronto last week. He got offered a full time job that he was tempted by the money in but also was in a great position to turn down. Some people that are close to him are about to become parents. We're both over the moon for them. And we're very much in love. What could be better than that? [blush]

Well, not literally, but close. I tried to burn down my house. And not the usual ways like leaving something on the stove, leaving the oven on, or leaving the iron on. I lit a candle and didn't put a plate underneath. I checked on it a couple times because I was home the whole time, but then got caught up with laundry and messing about on the computer. The next time I went upstairs with clean laundry, I found some small flames trying desperately to gain more life by attacking a sock in the drawer beneath the solid wood dresser the candle had been on. The candle was completely gone. I got some cupfuls of water and doused the flames and filled the bedroom with a lot of smoke. I'm a little alarmed at no smoke detector action so I have to look into that. We're lucky that it was as warm as it is lately just because of the length of time the windows had to be open to clear it all out. Cheruby and I slept in the basement on the futon.

That poor sock.

I thought it was lucky I'd cleaned up earlier as there were papers on that dresser mere hours earlier, but then I remembered that I only found the candle because I moved the papers.

Today, Cheruby and I sanded off the char from the dresser and brought it back in the house. I will be Varathaning the newly characterized piece tonight so that we can put it back in the bedroom.

The way I see it is that I have to make mistakes once in a while, and I do because I'm only human, I might as well do it up right. [grin] One of the cats even had wax drippings in the fur on his head and none of them came to tell me there was a problem. I now have to admit that cats really aren't good for anything at all.

When Cheruby came home and saw what I'd done, he laughed. I really like that guy. [sigh]

It's not done yet - this big project I'm working on. I'm tired, but happy to be working on it at home and not in some other city. I missed being at home. I've been crying way too much for my own liking. I'm tired of it, but as soon as I get enough sleep, the situation hits me again and I cry.

Nobody really wants to hear about that though.

Hmmm... let's talk about something else. While Rilla had to choose extraction rather than root canal with cap and crown, Cheruby and I chose the root canal route. Of course, she didn't tell us about the additional cap and crown costs. I don't think we'd have done it any differently, but still, I like to know these things. Cheruby is nursing his face back to health with video games. It wasn't just a root canal today, he also got a filling and a wisdom tooth extracted as well. I don't know exactly how much pain he's in because he's pretty happy to be playing Warhawk with Buddy. In a month, Cheruby gets to have more fillings and another wisdom tooth extracted. And then after that, he gets the cap and crown.

While that was more fun than the first bit of news, still not on the good side of the scale.

I get to see my niece this weekend! YAY!

I had a corset fitting a while ago. YAY!

I got to see my mom on her birthday. YAY!

I got to meet a very cute baby who lives in Calgary. YAY!

Hopefully, I'll be more exciting soon.

Looks like I've reverted to my old ways with blogging once every two weeks. Of course, I have a good excuse - being away from home for 3 of the last six weeks and having to go away next week too. I figured I could steal the song title thing from TUO just this once since she's unlikely to use this one.

I'm really hoping that this is the last trip away from home. I don't want to go again. Too much to do here with my normal job and life.

On the fun side, I started playing Exalted with some friends every second Saturday night. I think that's nifty. I'll have to get some travel equipment (web cam and microphone) so that I can play from wherever my travels take me. That'd be cool.

Cheruby and I also got Rockband this week. We've played it almost every day. Cheruby has played it every day, but I got sick and slept for almost 12 hours on Wednesday night.

I'm already playing songs on medium with the drums. I'm not even going to try the guitar or bass. I suck at singing, but it says I'm good at it on easy. Heh. I can hardly wait until February when we can get the second guitar so we can have four people in our band. YAY!

The weekend is looking great so far and I'm trying not to get stressed about next week.

Holy speeding year, Batman! Did you see that? 2007 is almost gone. Mere hours to go and I have a houseful of wonderful people, cats and food. It couldn't end much better.

Last year, Cheruby and I rang in the new year at his house with his friends. It was alright, but I was just happy to be with him.

January started with a great trip to Edmonton. I got to see so many great friends and had a wonderful time. Cheruby and I started playing Mage. I got pretty sick in January too, sick enough to keep me from work which is not as easy as you might think. I got a flu shot this year for the first time since I was in high school. We took a weekend trip to Christopher Lake to visit Cheruby's aunt and uncle. Those are always enjoyable. We also started playing Low Life with Drang and SocChick.

February was filled with games of Low Life and Mage, supper at EE Burrito's with Cheruby's mom, Irish sessions at Cluricaune Pub and Lydia's, and tulip deliveries. We started playing In Nomine which Cheruby runs. A friend needed some support so we spent a long time creating a CD just for her. Cheruby and his cousin had a falling out. And Cheruby and I spent our first Saskatchewan Family Day with my parents quite far north at Little Bear Lake in a wonderful cabin. We all went ice fishing and went for rides on snow-mobiles. I also started exercising regularly. Cheruby's cat moved into my house and Cheruby never slept in his own bed at his house again.

March brought about my viewing of Pan's Labyrinth which was uplifting for me. Another trip to Edmonton was upon me, but just me this time as I bought a ticket from a friend who could no longer go. Mage, Low Life and In Nomine once again kept us busy. My friends lives were quite tumultuous, but results have been for the best. I care about them all very much so it was hard for me to be objective about anything. Dinner at the Ivy was good. There was also a board meeting for the Canadian Cancer Society. Babyface also stayed here for quite a while when he started his new job. I was happy to have him and his family moving back to Saskatoon. My mom and I helped with the moving in for a while. I also proctored an exam for a friend's sister. The fabulous people from Edmonton came up for a game and stayed with us. I got to hang out with quirkykitten which I enjoyed immensely. I continued my swimming goodness.

In April, Cheruby officially moved in. He arranged a garage sale and sold a lot of his stuff. I sold a little of my stuff to make some room for him. I need a lot more storage space than he does. We also celebrated our first anniversary even though we were in different cities. I was on a business trip to Winnipeg at the time. I also spent some time in Edmonton at the beginning of the month. As usual, there were lots of games being played. I spent some time with friends and my mom came to visit.

May brought about time off that was packed with family. My brother finally married the mother of his children. YAY! And Cheruby's sister married the man of her dreams two weeks later. In amongst all that, I saw some great friends who live in Calgary and had a party at my house to see a lot of other great friends who came from afar to attend another friend's wedding that was the same day as Cheruby's sister. Games and time with more friends made this a very busy month. I was happy to have Cheruby with me to help me stay sane.

June started with a party hosted by the dear Rilla and Em. I stayed with the dear Neuba when I went to Edmonton. She was my date for a friend's wedding - traditional Chinese wedding with all the crazy courses of which I tried every single one. Then I was off to Winnipeg for work again. And then off to Toronto for work. I enjoyed being able to see so many of my colleagues who work very far away from me. And then to Lake Namekus for Cheruby's birthday celebration with a stop at his uncle's. I think the rest of the month was spent just enjoying being at home with my angel.

July began with the usual International White Trash Week celebrations in Regina with Cenobyte and His Nibs. This time Cheruby and I were actually able to attend. We also got to pretend to be a werewolf pack which was a ton of fun. Ril and I went to Regina again this month to see a psychic but she was broken. Furnace shopping and meetings with the bank also happened this month and took quite a bit of time. Off to Winnipeg for more meetings for work.

I had some vacation time in August again. I journeyed to Calgary to get my niece and nephew and spend some time with my friends. We shopped and went camping at Tobin Lake with my parents and had a good time. We hosted our first movie night on our countdown of AFI's Top 100 Movies of all time. I had my appeal board hearing this month on the ongoing issue of my eavestroughs. We helped Lando celebrate her birthday. Cheruby also made the semi-finals in an international screen writing competition. To celebrate, we had supper at Taverna and saw two movies in one night - Transformers and Stardust. It was a great evening and month. We kept up with our usual gaming and event schedule as much as possible. Cheruby's cousin called and they made up.

September started with a week of vacation time which was very needed although it was mostly spent doing home repairs with my dad. I spent time with mom as well which was great. We got to go on a riverboat cruise with work which was pretty cool. And I got to spend a lot of time with friends. Gaming and movie nights continued with great success. We met up with Cheruby's aunt and uncle from the states. There was a wonderful breakfast with all the people that were eating at the Ivy earlier in the year.

October saw the completion of my eavestroughs thanks to my dad. As well, we had the furnace and water heater replaced, an air conditioner installed, and the wood fireplace replaced with a gas fireplace. We spent some time in La Ronge with Cheruby's dad. Another week of vacation which was also very needed and actually relaxing this time. I got to see a friend through work who moved quite a few years ago. The lovely Edmonton folks came for a visit. Cheruby and I attended the Echoes of Erin concert which was great. Movie nights continued with D&G being our regulars. I have very much enjoyed their company.

In November, I had another week of vacation. Cheruby and I drove out to the coast and spent a few days visiting those in Vancouver. I got to see some of my friends from work in Vancouver. I treated Cheruby to an evening in Jasper which was very lovely. We drove Calgary to Vancouver then back through Edmonton to get home. It was a wonderful vacation. The Edmonton folks came up for their final visit for a long time as the game they were playing in was finishing. I love having them here. We listened to over 40 hours of Christmas music in November for our Christmas project. I also accepted a position as the Canadian Cancer Society Saskatoon board president.

December started with a trip home to visit my parents and hang out. I enjoyed the weekend with no expectations, just enjoyment of their company. I spent two weeks working in Calgary just before Christmas which was hard, but I very much enjoyed the time spent with colleagues I rarely get to see. We even got to go to the mountains - it was the first time ever for one of my colleagues. I spent a weekend in Regina for my first provincial Canadian Cancer Society board meeting. I also hosted a psychic party at my house one weekend. Bne came home with me from Calgary and has been a great house guest and company.

Tonight is New Years' Eve. I hope to see a lot of my friends and wish them the best. To those of you I can't see in person, I love you all and will see you in 2008.

I Am A: Neutral Good Human Ranger/Sorcerer (2nd/2nd Level)


Ability Scores:

Strength-12

Dexterity-11

Constitution-13

Intelligence-17

Wisdom-14

Charisma-17


Alignment:
Neutral Good A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because because it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.


Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.


Primary Class:
Rangers are skilled stalkers and hunters who make their home in the woods. Their martial skill is nearly the equal of the fighter, but they lack the latter's dedication to the craft of fighting. Instead, the ranger focuses his skills and training on a specific enemy a type of creature he bears a vengeful grudge against and hunts above all others. Rangers often accept the role of protector, aiding those who live in or travel through the woods. His skills allow him to move quietly and stick to the shadows, especially in natural settings, and he also has special knowledge of certain types of creatures. Finally, an experienced ranger has such a tie to nature that he can actually draw on natural power to cast divine spells, much as a druid does, and like a druid he is often accompanied by animal companions. A ranger's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.


Secondary Class:
Sorcerers are arcane spellcasters who manipulate magic energy with imagination and talent rather than studious discipline. They have no books, no mentors, no theories just raw power that they direct at will. Sorcerers know fewer spells than wizards do and acquire them more slowly, but they can cast individual spells more often and have no need to prepare their incantations ahead of time. Also unlike wizards, sorcerers cannot specialize in a school of magic. Since sorcerers gain their powers without undergoing the years of rigorous study that wizards go through, they have more time to learn fighting skills and are proficient with simple weapons. Charisma is very important for sorcerers; the higher their value in this ability, the higher the spell level they can cast.


Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)




Detailed Results:

Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (21)
Neutral Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (25)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (19)
Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (18)
True Neutral ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (22)
Chaotic Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (16)
Lawful Evil ----- XXXXXXXXX (9)
Neutral Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
Chaotic Evil ---- XXXXXXX (7)

Law & Chaos:
Law ----- XXXXXXX (7)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Chaos --- XXXXX (5)

Good & Evil:
Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Evil ---- XX (2)

Race:
Human ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Dwarf ---- XXXXXX (6)
Elf ------ XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Gnome ---- XXXXXXXX (8)
Halfling - XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Half-Elf - XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Half-Orc - (-2)

Class:
Barbarian - (-6)
Bard ------ (-6)
Cleric ---- (0)
Druid ----- XX (2)
Fighter --- (-4)
Monk ------ (-21)
Paladin --- (-23)
Ranger ---- XXXXXX (6)
Rogue ----- XX (2)
Sorcerer -- XXXXXX (6)
Wizard ---- XX (2)

Oddly enough, I thought I did pretty well this Christmas. I had it all planned. Even with my gallivanting around the country, I managed to be done Christmas shopping a week and a half before the big day. I think I started to relax after that and got sloppy because nothing much seemed to get done after that. In fact, not all presents bought have been sent to their recipients and some haven't even been wrapped. Although, we're close now as things have been done on an as needed basis.

There was one other added request for my support which I gave willingly, but kind of left me without the energy to be social and energetic. Cheruby was very good to me and made sure that I knew it was okay to not be that way. I had a good time.

Bne has been here since last Thursday. We drove home together on the evening/night of the 20th. It was mostly a good drive, but close to Saskatoon it got a little bit more miserable. I was pretty useless at work on Friday, but managed a nap before Lando's wedding which made it better. That and I got to hear my angel play and sit next to Babyface who made me laugh and giggle. It was all good.

Saturday, Bne and I watched Six Feet Under all day. We got through over half of the last season. it was good. Only 5 more episodes to go. Part of me just wants it to be done. I want off this ride. The other part of me knows that once it's done, I will be sad and I don't necessarily want to be sad.

We had some folks over on Sunday to enjoy some good company. I liked it although I had to leave everyone downstairs at about 1:30 so I could sleep as I had to work Monday. And work I did - 8 a.m. until 7 p.m. Somebody had to be there for the staff who were there until 5 p.m. Pacific time. That's okay, I don't have to work New Years Eve at all.

Christmas Eve, Cheruby and I exchanged gifts. I was so excited to be able to tell him about GenCon. I couldn't possibly make it to his birthday in June to tell him since registration begins in February. He's very excited to have others included in the trip as well. Although, he doesn't know about the costuming yet and I'm particularly excited about that. I got my elf, Elvin. [squee]

Christmas day was sleepy. But we got up and wrapped presents and went to Cheruby's mom's house to open presents. I felt quite spoiled. Then Cheruby made us wonderful Christmas breakfast which we all enjoyed. We played a bit of Tetris before coming home for a nap and opening presents with my lovely folks. Then it was back to Cheruby's mom's for Christmas dinner. Last year, she made sweet gravy due to a mix up with icing sugar and flour. This year, she spewed wine over the table when my mom asked her very politely how long she'd been hearing "these" stories. Stories about anything and everything from Cheruby. It was very funny. I nearly died laughing but only because my mom was there. We get a little silly sometimes.

Boxing day wasn't as sleepy as I would have liked in the morning, but in the afternoon, I got my nap. Cheruby's dad showed up and met my folks. It was good and I was very tired. They went off to a shindig at one of Cheruby's band mate's and I went to visit Ril, Kaz, and Bne. We played a partial game of Runebound where I could do no wrong. It turned out to be just what I needed because I returned home feeling much better than I had in many days. I was quite surprised by the effect that few hours had had on me, but very thankful because I was starting to tire of feeling broken.

Today was even a good day at work and I managed to keep my energy up until 3:30. I napped and then we watched The Raiders of the Lost Ark. And I am currently winding down for sleep again. I have to go in again tomorrow as Bne is sleeping in my home office. If I get lots of sleep tonight, I think I will be mostly recovered from my over expenditure of energy and be ready to enjoy my upcoming 4-day weekend.

And tomorrow, I get to see Buttery B and Neuba which I am very much looking forward to. The movie might be okay, but I'm more interested in the company.

I was fairly upset about having to leave Saskatoon to come back to Calgary today. I wanted to stay home and be with my angel and be surrounded by my things and be able to sleep in my bed. Alas, it was not to be. By my choice, of course, but sometimes that only makes it necessary and not easy.

On the drive, I was feeling lonely. I didn't like it. I phoned Cheruby and that helped a lot, but I still felt sad afterward. So I reached to hold the hand of someone described to me last weekend. And there I was, holding hands with this man. It felt right. And then I gave him all those negative feelings I was experiencing. I felt them all leaving and it was good. I felt the hand I was holding let go and start to withdraw. Instinctively, I scrabbled to keep ahold of it to keep the feeling, but quickly realized that it was okay. I was okay.

I thought of lots of rationalizations for this sudden shift in mood. I had a lot of time to think along the drive. But I want to believe that there is a hand for me to hold when I need it. So for me, that's what happened.

This isn't what blogs are for, but I seem to be missing my Blue Moon game and additional decks. Has anyone seen them?

Things have been cra-a-azeee lately. Holy to-do lists, Batman!

Recap:

After spending the weekend at home with my folks two weeks ago, I came into work the next Monday morning to read about a project for a large client that was going to have some incentives that were pretty sweet. I know my team is awesome and can do without me for a while. They are pretty self-sufficient, but like to have me around to do my manager-thing which mostly involves giving the people making their lives harder than necessary what-for and helping them come up with the most efficient solution to a situation.

I digress and I'm realizing this is going to be a story rather than a recap. Oh well. It's making me happy.

After being on stand-by for most of last week, I finally get the go ahead that we're really going to Calgary for the next week (this past week). That was a really stressful couple of days because I had to figure out what was on my to-do lists, cut things that weren't going to get done, figure out what I could pass off to Jeremy (not that easy for me as most of you know), and do as much of my stuff as possible before flying out on Sunday night.

I also had to fit in all of my regularly scheduled programming for last weekend - leaving work early to drive very quickly to Regina for a Canadian Cancer Society (CCS) board meeting which turned out to be 6.5 hours of budget-talk on Friday night and 2 hours of budget-talk on Saturday with a couple more hours of much more interesting stuff, but I was so tired by then that I wasn't as enthusiastic as I could have been.

His Nibs and Cenobyte (in absentia) were kind enough to put me up for the Friday night at their place which I enjoyed greatly. I was hoping to spend more time with them that night, but I went to bed and crashed before having to be back at the board meeting early in the morning.

After the board meeting on Saturday, I went to one of my favourite stores in Regina called the paper umbrella where I bought a *fabulous* pen. I've been using it all week and I'm not sure it's going to last if I keep doing that, but really, what else is a pen for? It's really making the project work easier by the happiness it brings me.

Then I got to see my brother and dad. I watched my brother spend scads of money at Home Depot on stuff for his new bathroom. My dad is still in Regina by himself working away at the new bathroom. I love their house there and it's even better that it is so much closer to me! We had some pizza and munchies together and I toured the house. I gave them some much needed advice on sound-proofing the wall between the new spa tub and my nephew's room. What would they have done without me, eh? [grin]

Leaving my brother and dad to start rebuilding the bathroom, I headed back out to Lumsden for the company. I sat with cenobyte for a bit and we watched Ghost Whisperer. She told me a little more about her visit with the psychic and just gabbed for a while. It was really good. I'm so looking forward to spending more time with her in the next year.

Anyway, I stayed a little longer than I should have there because I was expecting my mom to be coming to my house in Saskatoon that night. Oddly enough, I beat her home and I got there at 11:30! She followed Cheruby home from the Mage game though which was pretty coincidental. She thought it was me because he was driving my car. Having the puppy in the house was pretty awesome though. Cheruby liked it.

Sunday was an adventure - up early enough to run errands at CostCo and Peavey Mart and clean the house (mainly my office) before the psychic showed up. Mom went first and it was pretty traumatic for her. Rilla went second and was very happy with the experience. A nervous Cheruby was next, but got some information he was looking for and was happy he'd done it. All of those people were in with her for over an hour. My turn was last and she had a really tough time getting started with my reading. For about 30 minutes, she couldn't see any of my issues. Nice thought, but not quite. I was happy enough with the reading, but it didn't last as long as the others. It was interesting although with all the hub-bub in my head with to-do lists, I didn't retain a lot of it and this time, it wasn't taped. I really wished AJ had been there.

My mom, Cheruby and I hung out for a couple hours after she left. Then I packed in a frenzy and was off to the airport for my flight to Calgary.

Calgary I can recap: 12 hours of work a day, eating and sleeping. Throw in a niece's Christmas concert as well as a nephew's Christmas concert and you have my week. I didn't have wheels to get around so I was quite trapped. I had thought I might see Bne and Ferlak tonight, but changed my flight because I needed home for a rest.

Tomorrow, I had some shopping to finish, a rental car to pick up, and laundry to do. There is a party being hosted at my house. Fudge needs making as well as finishing up some Christmas presents. Cards need to be addressed and sent and then I'm back on the road Sunday headed for Calgary again. I'm hoping next week isn't as grueling, but I'm guessing it might be even worse. It's going to end well because I get to drive back with company in the car. YAY!

After a month of blogging, I was surprised to find myself wanting to do it. Of course, blogging usually takes time just before bed which meant that I was getting less sleep because of it. And this weekend, I was allowed to go to bed without blogging. I slept over 9 hours on Friday and Saturday nights each. It pleased me.

So there are big things that may not happen like my working in Calgary for the next week or two. We'll see how long the project takes. This seriously cuts into my holiday plans, but I'll manage.

My brother is moving to Regina, which you all know by now, and that's big. I'm going to be in Regina to help with all the stuff the weekend after Christmas. That means that mom and dad, who are also going to Regina to help that weekend, aren't going to be in Saskatoon for Christmas. I'm a little sad about that. Okay, a lot sad. I love being with my parents, but they don't like to be away from home for too long. And especially with the new puppy, they'll want to be close to home. Part of me is being selfish too because I don't know where I would put everyone in my house. With Bne coming and my parents and Cheruby's dad, I just have no idea where they would all go now that my office and Cheruby's office have all kinds of stuff in them.

I'm going a little crazy with my Christmas plans. I have a pretty big to do list and not a lot of time with weeks in Calgary now taking those evenings away. Ah well, you know what, everything will be just fine. Christmas will come and go and I will be happy for all the company and love filling my house. It doesn't get much better than that.


Being at home this weekend, I was able to visit with my mom and do some crafty business with my very talented aunt BB and my mom. We went tromping around in the snow-filled bush in the country side. It was awesome. I loved it. And we decorate BB's Christmas tree which is too tall for me to get to the top of even with a six foot ladder. It is totally awesome and cool. BB only recently converted to a fake tree. For most of their years in the house, they would get a real one which was about the same size as the fake one if not bigger.

Here I am, blogging my last post for NaBloPoMo. I have to say that it's been harrowing and boring and sometime exciting. I very much enjoyed the writing part while in the car on the drive. It felt great to just write and not have to worry about anything else. Unfortunately, without all the hubbub of being on vacation, there wasn't as much to write about after I got back. I also didn't feel as much like spending hours writing because of all the other things in my life that I am doing.

While some people didn't think they'd make it through the month, I never once considered that I wouldn't do it. You see, I was in a competition which means I don't give up. The number of times that my eyes were barely open and it was after 11:30 at night during the month was a little too much. Cheruby was constantly whining for me to come to bed or just playing Oblivion to be "with" me.

The best part about this whole thing was the friendly competition between Rilla and I. And to prove who's better, here's the scoreboard. (A Short Post is less than 300 words, a Moderate Post is 300 to 699 words, and a Long Post is more than 700 words.)

	Rilla	Suz
November 1	315	220
November 2	214	0
November 2	1957	606
November 3	366	402
November 4	461	716
November 5	241	391
November 6	513	0
November 6	650	234
November 7	174	287
November 8	190	153
November 9	559	0
November 9	114	234
November 10	265	1205
November 11	369	893
November 12	369	315
November 13	418	834
November 14	362	359
November 15	697	521
November 16	665	431
November 17	132	203
November 18	154	621
November 19	261	148
November 20	1037	450
November 21	562	556
November 22	811	742
November 23	157	396
November 24	474	136
November 25	251	521
November 26	308	215
November 27	581	310
November 28	175	183
November 29	499	250
November 30	684	749
Total Words	14985	13281
Total Posts	33	30

	Rilla	Suz
Short Posts (5 points each)	36	42
Moderate Posts (10 points each)	108	60
Long Posts (15 points each)	27	54
Posts with Photos (1 point each)	9	3
Fabulous Posts (7 points each)	21	35
Posts Above Mandatory (4 points)	12	0
Posts About NaBloPoMo (-2 points each)	-10	-4
Completion Bonus (25 points)	25	25
Total	228	215

As you can plainly see, the best blogger won here. I thought there was some trickery about in Rilla's blog style. Making stuff up, double posting from another blog (I posted on that other blog too and didn't double post), making promises that weren't kept, taking a post from another friend's blog, and posting about NaBloPoMo itself are most of the shenanigans pulled off by my esteemed competitor in the name of winning. Of course, I am guilty of a few of those myself, but not in the abundance that she had the audacity for.

It's a good thing that all of that means nothing and I love Rilla to bits.

Getting all the figures together for the things I thought were important to blogging, I began to be a little bit more objective. And quite frankly, I'd rather read Rilla's blog than my own. As I mentioned in my Bored Now post, I am essentially lazy and don't want to put in the effort, except that it took over 2 hours to write this post. Rilla, on the other hand, gets a lot more out of creative works and writing. I don't take that for granted just because she's now a Master of English. Most of the time, she really loves it. That makes me happy that she loves it. I remember finding her on the floor in a Chapters pouring over books of poetry and being enthralled by it. I wish I had a picture of that because although most people would just see Rilla sitting on the floor surrounded by books which is happy in itself, I would see Rilla in love and experience that feeling of seeing her again. I sat down next to her wanting to be included in the feeling, but alas, that's not for me. I get my rapture elsewhere. And in fact, it's with me right now in that memory of my dear friend.

This weekend, I will be heading to Nipawin alone. Cheruby has elected to stay in the city to play video games with his cousin. I'm going to be relaxing and being taken care of as soon as I step through the door at my parent's house. I do want to do some crafts with my mom, but we both love it so it'll still be good. I have a bunch of Christmas presents to make in the spirit of saving money. I don't have a lot of spare change this year. Renovations are very pricey. That's okay because most people like to know that there is effort put into their presents.

So, my plan is to drive home in the daylight of Saturday morning and hang out with my folks and their new puppy all weekend. I'm looking forward to meeting the new little one, actually. I'm really hoping that he's cuter than his pictures because he looks very sad. I would be sad too if the comfort of the only people I'd ever known took me away from my mom and left me with people I don't know. He plays a lot more than my parents first dog ever did and eats three times as much.

I'll be home Sunday night with all my finished crafts and be very happy to see my beloved angel.

Oh yeah, and with all the blog disappearances, I have now backed up my blog. It makes me very happy to have done so.

I had the giggles all day today. Everything was making me laugh. Poor Cheruby didn't know what to do with me because he was feeling crappy today. I laughed until my belly hurt at least half a dozen times. It was wonderful.

Work today was oddly productive and I felt like I was accomplishing things which is nice. And then after work, Cheruby and I had a short nap with the cats. We're getting very close to being done a project we've been working on as well. That's exciting.

I've been shoveling or sweeping the snow everyday and have been loving it. Go figure! It's been quite cold out for November and I haven't minded that much.

And then, with Cheruby at band practice tonight, I got to go SHOPPING! I got stocking stuffers and Christmas wear for the kiddenz and Christmas cards and it was a jolly good time! And with Christmas hats and collars on the kiddenz, I don't think this day can get much better. Especially since I'm one day closer to the end of this posting every day thingy.

Cousins are good people to have in our lives. The ties are a mix of friendship and blood which makes it stronger somehow. I have so many cousins that I don't even know them all and that's just first cousins. I don't even want to think about second cousins and cousins removed. Yikes! My mom is the youngest of twelve (gasp!) kids and there are a lot of marriages and kids from there and then my dad has four siblings that have also procreated. It just gets so confusing. I'm just proud of myself that I can remember all my mom's and dad's siblings names. I think I'm almost there with all the spouses of those siblings as well. But the cousins are way out of my league.

So, today, Cheruby's cousin got laid off from his job for the winter. You see, he's in construction. Normally, he'd be able to work, but he did some dumb things and got himself laid off. He first refused to work for a relative of the owner on a particular project because, apparently, the relative was dumb. So, he was transferred to another job site where he had to go up and down an icy hill which was killing his already bad knees. So after a week of that, he refused to work on that project and thusly, is now collecting employment insurance.

After doing these silly things he got a little depressed and called Cheruby to go out there with some video games to comfort him. [sigh] Cheruby can't say no to his cousin so off he went to play video games and get fed by his cousin's wife who loves to cook. I wish I could cut out of work early to go play video games. Cheruby just be putting in the work time on the weekend, I suppose.

Silly cousins.

You know, there are days when I LOVE shopping. Shopping makes me happy because I find things that I like and things that the people I love will like. At Christmas time, I'm allowed to indulge those year round impulses to buy stuff. And when I go shopping early enough, which is within the next two weeks, there aren't enough people in the stores to drive me nutty.

So, tonight, Cheruby and I went shopping. He was acting a little ... unhappy. So I asked if he was Angry and he said yes. It crushed me! Apparently, I was really wanting Cheruby to enjoy Christmas shopping with me. He says that he was just a little irritated, but that's just a degree of anger. I completely agree with that, but anger can range from violent rage to minor annoyance. He was completely willing to just suck it up, but I was so distraught at the thought of him being angry at all with being there that I couldn't even think about enjoying myself.

We'll have to try again because we didn't end up in another store after the first one. I'll have a better expectation next time and hopefully, Cheruby will be able to enjoy himself like he does when he's picking out Matt's Christmas comics.

At a very basic level, I'm lazy. It's the reason I didn't finish university. I can put a lot of different names on that, but really, I wanted to spend time with my friends rather than go to class or study because it was fun and more importantly, easier. I don't regret not finishing university even with the student loans I'm still paying off. I don't feel that I would be in a better place if I had finished. My brother has a degree, but doesn't use it. Cheruby has a degree but doesn't use it. I'm happy with my life.

Part of the reason my neighbour keeps getting upset is because I don't do things RIGHT NOW. Well, I don't have the inclination to do things most of the time. The things to do are nice to haves for me, not necessities. Sure, it would've been easier to prop up the front step a little when the ground wasn't partially frozen, but thems the breaks.

Of course, when I put my mind to something, it's incredibly difficult to try to stop me. Take NaBloPoMo for example. I'm very sorry I ever challenged Rilla. It takes a lot of time to do a proper blog post in my opinion. Most of mine have been half-assed because it's just filling the page, not actually talking about important stuff. Like all the stuff about our vacation to Vancouver. All that could have been happily summarized into one post that people would have been much happier to read. I was so prolific mostly because of all the time in the car while Cheruby was driving, but it wasn't needed.

Yesterday, I totally stole from Rilla and didn't get a single comment about it. That really shows me how much people are caring that I'm writing this much. Trust me, we're in the same boat. We'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming shortly. I still feel guilty about that, by the way.

I would ask for ideas, but I don't really want to just start making stuff up. I'm not that sort of girl. I don't usually find made up stuff funny. Cheruby has been trying to pin down my funny factors. It's mostly absurdity and nonsensical humour but even that can go too far very easily with me. Comedies I've like include "Little Miss Sunshine" and "The Full Monty." These two movies have a real emotional touch to them. That's why I like romantic comedies as well. I'm a sucker for a happy ending.

Cheruby and I have talked about my reluctance to do creative works like writing. I don't want to go through all the effort of creating something and then have other people not see it as beautifully as I do. And being creative is hard and time consuming. I'd rather be lazy and be entertained. Just ask my mom, I've always wanted to be entertained.

Alright, enough blathering for today. Only 5 more days to go. And I'm not going to take it personally that no one wants to know the things I think about them from yesterday's stolen post. ;)

And from the incredible, undeniable, one-and-only Rilla:

Binary Kitten drew me into an LJ meme which I shall have to adapt somehow to make sense for my bloggery.

If you comment, I will...

1. Tell you how we met (online or otherwise).
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours, or photo if you don't have one.
7. In return, you must post this in your blog (if you want).

I tried last night to find the one similar to this that cenobyte did months and months ago but couldn't find it in her archives.

Nothing seemed quite right today. I woke up with a headache. It wasn't bad headache but should have been bearable. The slightly not right belly wouldn't normally even be worth a mention. The sluggishness seemed to be fused with my limbs rather than just resting there. And the morning fog in my brain refused to lift. I tried to work for 2 and a half hours like that. I could barely carry on a conversation. I was just closing down when a fellow manager phoned me and I couldn't keep it together - I was so close to tears. What the HELL?!?!

Apparently, I was a real kicker last night in my sleep. I kept waking Cheruby up with kicking him. That's not nice. And then, I apparently rolled completely on top of him. How on earth did I sleep through that? And besides, that's not an easy feat for me. I try to do that when I'm teasing him about taking up too much of the bed and I can't. Of course, normally, I'm laughing too hard.

I like to blame dear luna for these things and so I will again. It's a full moon tonight.

After shutting off my work computer, I went straight to bed and slept for another 3 hours. I woke up a few times with kittens sleeping on me, but I'm cool with that. In fact, it made it better. Of course, the best thing about the nap was Cheruby curled up next to me and holding me. It was like he was holding me together when the world was trying to rip me apart.

I woke up still with the headache, but the fog had lifted a little. My arms and legs felt like they could move more and my belly was just feeling hungry which is more normal. I went back to work because I could do that when it's across the hall.

Cheruby resumed the laundry and made us something to eat. That helped with the headache a little more and removed the rest of the sluggishness. And then he phoned an agent and left a message for her. I really hope that he gets a return phone call. He was so nervous about it.

And now it is evening and I am home alone with my thoughts. It's good and I'm thankful the day is almost over.