It’s 2:30 in the morning the night before my brother’s wedding. His fiancé and my niece are staying at a hotel tonight so the only people in the house are my parents, Cheruby, myself, my nephew, and my brother. The first five people on that list have been in bed since about 10 which means my brother just got home.

I don’t remember the last time I laughed that hard. My brother’s friends kindly broke into the house through the front window as the house keys were with his clothes at the best man’s house. Thoughts should now be wandering to the various ideas of what my brother was wearing.

Spandex biking shorts was the most decent thing he had on.

My brother is six feet tall and weighs 250 pounds. He’s a big man. He played football with all these friends that kindly dropped him off.

The first thing I recognized in my sleepiness and in the darkness of downstairs was a slight twirling in his “shirt.” That’s not right. Then he moved into the porch light. Lace? Scoop neck? Oh my goodness! I will never forget the sight of my brother standing in full light, defending his outfit mightily by saying, “SSSHHHHH,” very loudly at the end of statements like, “I put this on while I sober,” and “You saw nothinG!” Of course, my favourite will always be, “What? You don’t like this?” whilst rubbing his chest.

Then he tried to take the nice white lace dress off. There were a few ripping sounds from the kitchen as he was trying not to let me see him. I went to investigate and found him, defeated, with the dress still on. I giggled some more. Then I saw him try again which revealed more of what will stay with be to the end of my days – a red strapless bra. Around his waist.

The boys kept trying to break in the front window after my brother kept closing it. They were looking for the friend who’d actually made it through the window into the house. He’d given me a hug and asked me where my parents were. I was laughing too hard to think that telling him might be a bad idea. The boys at the window were threatening to leave him there. My brother’s friends from high school are a funny bunch and boy were they making me laugh. Wade, Rube, Shane. The best man was probably out there somewhere in the night too, but I didn’t get a chance to see him.

As I watched him undress the rest of the way in his room, I heard more ripping as he removed something from the lower half of his body that wasn’t the spandex. I must have missed something else – lacy underpants, perhaps. I wasn’t too concerned because I’d see enough to have me giggling so vociferously that Cheruby queried about whether someone had just poured 4 shots of alcohol down my throat as I came back to bed.

Just before he headed for bed, he came to the door of my room and threatened Cheruby and I.

And within minutes his stumbling into the house and laying his threats of never revealing what I’d just witnessed, I now hear him snoring more loudly than our father ever has. It’s going to be an early morning for him. Hopefully he’ll be too worried about his headache to worry too much about getting hitched.