I do have a lot to say and a lot that I've been thinking about lately, but none of it seems like it needs to come out. I don't feel that I need to talk about it. It just is and that's okay. I know that it would shock some that I don't need to talk about it. Heck, it shocks me a little.

I like having time to get everything in order. The house is coming along nicely, I think. I had unexpected, but very welcome, company this weekend and I didn't really have to clean my house for me to feel comfortable having them here.

It's funny how I haven't truly noted that the state of my home is a reflection of the state of me before, but there are a lot of lines of similarity. If my house is very messy and I'm okay having people in it means that I'm really at peace with my messy own internal struggles because I don't feel like working on them. I get restless with the general mess in my house when I start feeling more in control of my internal struggles and thusly, I clean and tidy. When I feel messy inside and the house is that way, but I don't want people to come over and see the messy house, I usually just don't want to pretend I'm okay. And when I tidy up just so that I feel comfortable with other people in my house, I'm putting on the mask that I'm okay for people. There are a lot of varying degrees in there, but those are the major parts. Right now, the house is pretty tidy and that's a pretty accurate reflection of how I feel. I also think it says something that my office is almost always a mess.

If you can believe it, I'm laughing more these days.