Healing

I was fairly upset about having to leave Saskatoon to come back to Calgary today. I wanted to stay home and be with my angel and be surrounded by my things and be able to sleep in my bed. Alas, it was not to be. By my choice, of course, but sometimes that only makes it necessary and not easy.

On the drive, I was feeling lonely. I didn't like it. I phoned Cheruby and that helped a lot, but I still felt sad afterward. So I reached to hold the hand of someone described to me last weekend. And there I was, holding hands with this man. It felt right. And then I gave him all those negative feelings I was experiencing. I felt them all leaving and it was good. I felt the hand I was holding let go and start to withdraw. Instinctively, I scrabbled to keep ahold of it to keep the feeling, but quickly realized that it was okay. I was okay.

I thought of lots of rationalizations for this sudden shift in mood. I had a lot of time to think along the drive. But I want to believe that there is a hand for me to hold when I need it. So for me, that's what happened.

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I'm quirky, confident and happy. My friends say I'm generous, warm, reliable, and dependable. My mom, dad, and angel say I'm beautiful. I'm not perfect, but that makes me human.

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