The Emancipation of Me

I was very fortunate to be able to say that I liked my job and believed in my company. I'm not so sure about the last part anymore, but I'm hoping for the sake of the people that I care about that still work there that hope exists for those left to pick up the pieces. I am unemployed as of yesterday morning at 8:30 a.m.

My heart is pounding as I type this out. I'm going to be okay. I know it. I'm going to be better than okay - I'm going to be brilliant. In the end, it's just a job. I've said it many times now but of all the big things I could have lost yesterday, my job was one of the least important.

Today has been better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better yet. I feel a little sick to my stomach at times, but that too shall pass. If I'd had the choice, I would have stayed. I loved my team and was gearing up to take them through the next phase of company growth and opportunity. I was actually looking forward to learning the hard lessons I knew I would learn under a new manager.

Above all, I'm remembering the relief of yesterday morning when I realized that my to do list that was always bordering on unmanageable was no longer mine. In fact, it disappeared into thin air because most of it was in my head. All my good ideas were gone.

Someone else who was let go said that she was thinking about all the things she could have done differently to make this not happen. I've briefly thought about that and quite frankly, there wasn't anything. I'm happy with the way I did my job and lived my life. I am proud of it all. I made things happen when they needed to happen. There wasn't a moment I wasn't busy with something and doing good work. The things that I was asked to do were sometimes out of my league. I procrastinated on those things and didn't get them done. Those moments, however, were few and far between and I am only human. I am incredibly proud of a lot of things I accomplished there. And the best thing of all was my team. I hopefully gave them everything they need to do their jobs and do them well and efficiently. They are so strong and wonderful and I'm going to miss them terribly. And there are so many others I'm going to miss a lot - namely my colleagues in crime, my fellow managers. We could have changed the world together.

I've received so many compliments in the past few days. My phone barely stopped ringing yesterday. Here are a few things that I'm particularly proud to have said to me.
"A person's job often defines who they are. You were always you - Suzanne being a manager, not the other way around."
"You were the best manager that I have ever had, and I really appreciate all the times you have been there for me and us as a team. You truly were the backbone of this team that made us who we are, and we are better for it."
"You're a pillar of support and a wealth of knowledge. I wasn't kidding when I said you're like my right arm. It sucks losing someone really close to me. You were human, and listened to us when we had something to say."
There were some other, very funny moments throughout the day, but they were probably 'you had to be there' moments.

Anyway, I need something from all of you loyal readers. A little insight into where you think my future lies. What do you think I'd be good at and enjoy? I have the luxury of some time to figure things out so ponder and let me know! The sky is the limit.

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All the Bad and All the Good

I've been in Toronto since Sunday afternoon. I didn't really want to be here, but knew it was best for my team and my work.

Just before I left, I found out that my best friend had something horrible happen. It's probably just as well I'm not there because there is nothing I can do and I'd feel even more helpless and useless.

The first couple nights here were great. Shopping and supper with some of my favourite people both nights. I managed to find a fabulous new shirt even!

Then Wednesday happened. And it was a very bad day at work. I still haven't fully recovered. Some people that I very much care about lost their jobs yesterday. There were a lot of surprises and shocks about some of the folks. And I have a new manager which means some real stress in my future as I try to find a balance between my staff's needs and the changes in the business. I spent a lot of time trying to be strong yesterday and I was 5 seconds away from tears at any given moment. I talked to a friend of mine and she told me that she went home and phoned her mom. I laughed because that's exactly what I did yesterday after I found out what was happening to the first person I found out about. I'm still reeling.

I thought today would be easier than it was. It was still really tough. I went to talk to a new colleague and she gave me some really good advice and information that really helped me change how I was thinking. My job just got harder, but someone I trust told me that I would be stronger at the end of this particular phase of my career.

I'm hoping to hear from Cheruby yet tonight, but it was an exciting night for him and he might still be out celebrating. You see, his play (I say his play, but of course it belongs to everyone who had a part in producing the play) had a preview night tonight and an old friend was coming to watch. Tomorrow is opening night for The Selkie Wife at Dancing Sky Theatre in Meacham, SK. I'm so incredibly proud of my Cheruby. He came home exhausted one day from work. So I asked him how work was and his response was surprising and wonderful. He said, "Awesome." And he said it so genuinely and quickly that there was no doubt how happy he was with the day. It doesn't get much better than that.

So tomorrow is a busy, exciting day! I get to go to work in the morning. And I get to fly home, drive to Meacham and see my folks and my uncle (it's his birthday). Then I get to see my Cheruby perform on opening night. And then I get to celebrate our second anniversary. It's seems like such a short amount of time, but so full of memories. I just want to see him smile and feel his arms around me.

Oh yeah, and my hometown blew up a little last Friday. My parents are fine, but people were injured and died which is always frightening and sad.

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The Wonderful World of Cats

The cats have done some pretty cute things lately that I'd like to share.

The gray stripey one fell asleep on my back and rested his head on my shoulder right next to my ear so I could hear him purring as he fell asleep. Downright adorable!!

I had to open the front door and the window in the screen door to let some air through the house the other day. All three mischief makers sat at the front door the exact same distance from the door and each other. When I called Cheruby to come downstairs, they all just turned their heads to look at him without changing their pose. I could have died happy in that moment - they were so cute.

The little one has grown up and has a very cat like face in the place of her once very kitteny face. She's the most muscular of them all. We think it's because of the jumping exercise she got this winter from the laser pointer we got.

The fat one is getting old and I hope that we can let him go outside this summer a little bit. We might have to take him on vacation to my parents to do so, but who knows.

All three are getting along better. It's been over a year since the gray stripey one moved in. I finally figured out that he's the only one of our three that genuinely thinks he's human and not like the other cats. It explains a lot of his behaviour like not really knowing what a dog is and not recognizing territory and sleeping with his head on the pillow.

The little one is trying to catch a spider in the window sill now. Very, very cute.

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I'm quirky, confident and happy. My friends say I'm generous, warm, reliable, and dependable. My mom, dad, and angel say I'm beautiful. I'm not perfect, but that makes me human.

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    • Rune Factory Frontier (Wii)
    • Galactrix (DSi)
    • Arkham Asylum (BG)
    • Puerto Rico (BG)
    • Liar's Dice (BG)
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    • House renovations
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    • The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis
    • What to Expect When You're Expecting by Murkoff
    • From the Neck Up by Denise Dreher

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