The Emancipation of Me

I was very fortunate to be able to say that I liked my job and believed in my company. I'm not so sure about the last part anymore, but I'm hoping for the sake of the people that I care about that still work there that hope exists for those left to pick up the pieces. I am unemployed as of yesterday morning at 8:30 a.m.

My heart is pounding as I type this out. I'm going to be okay. I know it. I'm going to be better than okay - I'm going to be brilliant. In the end, it's just a job. I've said it many times now but of all the big things I could have lost yesterday, my job was one of the least important.

Today has been better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better yet. I feel a little sick to my stomach at times, but that too shall pass. If I'd had the choice, I would have stayed. I loved my team and was gearing up to take them through the next phase of company growth and opportunity. I was actually looking forward to learning the hard lessons I knew I would learn under a new manager.

Above all, I'm remembering the relief of yesterday morning when I realized that my to do list that was always bordering on unmanageable was no longer mine. In fact, it disappeared into thin air because most of it was in my head. All my good ideas were gone.

Someone else who was let go said that she was thinking about all the things she could have done differently to make this not happen. I've briefly thought about that and quite frankly, there wasn't anything. I'm happy with the way I did my job and lived my life. I am proud of it all. I made things happen when they needed to happen. There wasn't a moment I wasn't busy with something and doing good work. The things that I was asked to do were sometimes out of my league. I procrastinated on those things and didn't get them done. Those moments, however, were few and far between and I am only human. I am incredibly proud of a lot of things I accomplished there. And the best thing of all was my team. I hopefully gave them everything they need to do their jobs and do them well and efficiently. They are so strong and wonderful and I'm going to miss them terribly. And there are so many others I'm going to miss a lot - namely my colleagues in crime, my fellow managers. We could have changed the world together.

I've received so many compliments in the past few days. My phone barely stopped ringing yesterday. Here are a few things that I'm particularly proud to have said to me.
"A person's job often defines who they are. You were always you - Suzanne being a manager, not the other way around."
"You were the best manager that I have ever had, and I really appreciate all the times you have been there for me and us as a team. You truly were the backbone of this team that made us who we are, and we are better for it."
"You're a pillar of support and a wealth of knowledge. I wasn't kidding when I said you're like my right arm. It sucks losing someone really close to me. You were human, and listened to us when we had something to say."
There were some other, very funny moments throughout the day, but they were probably 'you had to be there' moments.

Anyway, I need something from all of you loyal readers. A little insight into where you think my future lies. What do you think I'd be good at and enjoy? I have the luxury of some time to figure things out so ponder and let me know! The sky is the limit.

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R:tAG said...

Oh Suz, I'm so sorry you lost your job, especially since it's one you obviously made into something more than just "a job".

Have you thought about social work? You seem to be an empathic person who cares about people. As long as you can learn when to detach yourself from your work I think you'd be awesome at it.

Cori Quite Contrary said...

Sadly, I can't think of any way you can legally use your superb kissing skills in a professional capacity.

However, your equally exceptional massage skills could actually be used in a professional capacity, and you have your choice of legal or not!

But I'm really sorry this happened; you were so good at what you do, and so dedicated.

Amy said...

What do I think you'd be good at and enjoy? Almost anything you choose to do. Sorry, that's not too much help, is it, but it's the truth.

I rather disagree with R:tAG about the social work since I think you'd wear yourself out. If you put your heart and soul into a *cube* job (no offense, I have one myself) then I don't want to think about what you'd do with a social work job. You'd wind up adopting all your clients or something.

Maybe look at the University; I know as a student I'd have loved to have dealt with someone like you, but the union might frustrate you a bit.

Enjoy your break, though! Think of it as a long-overdue vacation!

(as far as your former employers, I pity their ignorance and despise them.)

Jenn & Owen said...

For some reason I am seeing you doing something in the arts. Not, maybe, being a sculptor or whatnot, but like, directing children's theater festivals for the ministry of truth or something.

cenobyte said...

Whatever it is you choose to do, I'm sure there's a lot of it in Regina....

....I'll keep my eyes open, because what that Jenn & Owen person said is, I think, very true. There were a few made-for-Suz type jaerbs I've seen in the last couple of days.

Suz said...

r:tag: You're right. It was a lot more than just a job, but only because of the people I worked with. I have thought about Social Work, but it's the whole "leaving work at work" thing that would probably burn me out in quick fashion. I've been trying to figure out a different forum for me to get that warm fuzzy without the heartache.

cori quite contrary: [blush] Aside from the kissing which I would totally enjoy all the time, the thought of massage therapy did come to mind. I'd have to make some serious life changes to be able to go back to school and all that, but something along those alternative therapies might be just the thing for me.

amy: Exactly where my problem lies in trying to figure it out! I know I CAN do anything, but the real pickle is what do I want to do? I couldn't figure it out 10 years ago when I started this job and I still have no clue. I did a job search at the university and nothing particularly appealed to me there, but that's just this week. I'm going to keep an eye open for it at any rate. And you're right about the union bit too. I think I would get frustrated very quickly.

jenn & owen: The arts? Me? I've never considered myself to be that artsy. I know I've always thrived on the others in my life that are beautifully creative and talented. I like to get lost in their worlds that they create, but as for me doing it or having any sort of creative vision. I'll have to ponder that one some more.

cenobyte: Again, really? The arts? Huh. I never considered it. Maybe it's just that there is no 'right' answer and I find a lot of safety and security in right answers. I'm actually flattered with this answer as I'm often in awe of those who are in the arts field.

To everyone: Thanks, thanks, thanks! I really appreciate the support. It's amazing how many people come out of the woodwork with job offers when they hear the news. I'm definitely taking some time to myself for now and let things settle. I owe it to myself to take a break which is exactly what I'm going to do. The beauty of this situation is that I'm truly free to decide my future. Not that I wasn't before but the fear involved with giving up a secure source of income was holding me back. My pitiable previous employer has given me this one last thing - the opportunity of a lifetime to find my calling. Now, if only this canyon wasn't so echo-y.

cenobyte said...

You are creative and intelligent, but more to the point, you are the kind of person who can *manage* things. So while you might not have ever thought of yourself with a career in the arts, maybe you were thinking in terms of being a dancer, or a singer, or a writer, or a publisher, or something like that. I'm thinking more in terms of doing what you're really good at and what you like to do in the kind of organisation where it's okay for you to be 'European'. [grin]

Suz said...

cenobyte: It's still flattering. There's something about working with artists that I would find very cool and mostly because of the passion they have for their art. I have passion but not for abstract things in my head. At least, not yet. That day will be fun too. Weeeee...

Anyhoo, my disbelief was more in my thought of the type of person involved with the arts - as an artist or as an administrator thereof. I expect both to be driven by a passion for their art, but that's why I've asked for ideas because you may be onto something here.

Electric Maenad said...

How about something like tourism and hospitality? I'm not thinking so much of the private sector (hotels and such), but maybe Saskatchewan Tourism? It'd put your people skills to good use, and you have a knack for making people feel at home...

Suz said...

electric maenad: Thanks, I like to think that I can make people feel at home. It's an interesting suggestion. I've considered different jobs within that industry before, but it didn't seem to appeal to me. Of course, I'd be looking at a different level of job now which may change things.

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I'm quirky, confident and happy. My friends say I'm generous, warm, reliable, and dependable. My mom, dad, and angel say I'm beautiful. I'm not perfect, but that makes me human.

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