Expectation and Disappointment

When someone says they are going to do something for me, I like to be able to rely on them. Especially if it's someone I trust.

If it's not done, I am crushed - exceptionally disappointed but don't necessarily feel the right to be that disappointed (or disappointed at all) and feel guilty for having the expectation to begin with because that's what lead to the disappointment. I have in the past tried to convince myself that I shouldn't have expectations at all of certain people so eventually, I stop asking for help. Then I get so stressed with everything I'm worrying about that I'm crabby and miserable most of the time.

But why should it matter so much? Why should it matter that someone said they'd do a small thing for me and bailed for some good reason at the last moment? It shouldn't be that big of a deal. It's not like I've never let someone down in the 11th hour even though it is a point of pride for me that I'm seen as dependable. I'm not perfect in this regard so why do I expect it from others?

How do I find the middle ground between expectation and disappointment? How do I find a way to lean on others but not be let down when things don't happen the way I planned? It's a hard balance that I have yet to find. I'm not going to quit looking, but right now, it seems that there is no end in sight for this particular struggle, no nirvana. The best that can be done is forget about the whole matter and be happy in the moments without expectation or disappointment.

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I'm quirky, confident and happy. My friends say I'm generous, warm, reliable, and dependable. My mom, dad, and angel say I'm beautiful. I'm not perfect, but that makes me human.

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